24 Years In

It was the year 2000 and for the first time in my life- at age 31- I was completely burned out from work. I had transitioned to a more suitable role at work as a corporate trainer but had also been asked to keep doing my previous job as media director. It was more than I had bargained for, and with a decent (enough!) savings in the bank, I left without a job for a much-needed break. I planned to take time to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life, and I remember thinking, let’s get out ahead of any potential mid-life crisis. My only clue was that I wanted to work on the people side of business. My last day was a Friday the end of August and that Sunday I learned about something I knew nothing about, but that became a core element of my livelihood ever since.

That Sunday of Labor Day Weekend, my husband Ed came home from a round of golf and said he had something cool to share that he thought I would be very interested in hearing about. We popped down on the couch and he shared that he had played with two coaches- a different kind of coach. He described the concept of coaching as a process where you work with someone to help you be at the top of your game. Similar to how Tiger Woods works with a coach to work on his golf game- his craft, he said, you intentionally work on creating a game plan to meet your life/work goals and realize your dreams. The coach guides you, supports you, and helps ensure you stay on track.

Having majored in psychology in college, I had hoped to go on to be a therapist, but into my 20s I soon realized I didn’t see myself helping others rehash their past and childhood experiences. I knew I wouldn’t do well handling a lot of the negativity and heaviness associated with the profession. Coaching, on the other hand, was somewhat similar in getting to help individuals one-on-one, but instead focused on the here and now, and making plans for a bright and fulfilling future. Bingo! This really resonated with me.

Completely intrigued by the concept AND entirely ready to figure out my own next step in my career, I hired one of those two coaches immediately. At my first coaching session I knew I too, would become a coach. My coach Ron had me clarify my values- something no one had ever asked me before. To this day, I believe values work is some of the most important time spent in life. I asked him a ton of questions about his coaching training and decided I would take the same training. Next, he had me create an ideal job description outlining any and all details regarding my dream job. Within two weeks of writing that ideal job description I found my job online, including the same title, interviewed for it, and was offered the job. It was an HR role for the fundraising office at Northwestern University.

I mentioned my coaching training to my new boss (hello Chrissi!). As a former swim coach at the University of Michigan, she loved the coaching concept and put in a request to not only help pay for my coaching training, but also for the certification piece. The real kicker was ultimately getting permission to pilot a coaching program for the staff. Coaching was not really a thing in 2000, so I constantly had to explain the concept and point out how it differed from mentoring, therapy and consulting. With over two-thirds of the entire staff participating in the program, I racked up dozens of hours of experience in no time and had to do 30-minute sessions instead of an hour because so many staff members were interested!

I continued coaching with Ron until he retired. I then switched to his business partner John (the other original coach from Ed’s golf game) whom I still call my coach to this day. John became my coach right before I was about ready to give up on trying to get pregnant. It had been 8 long years of trying, including a thyroid cancer diagnosis, which delayed things even further. With John in my corner, I began exploring meditation and started to feel ripe for new beginnings with unattached outcomes. One of my favorite exercises with John was making a timeline of my life broken down into 5-year increments showcasing key occurrences and highlights. It was meant to be a reflection exercise. Right after we began working together, I learned I was pregnant with identical twins. That felt miraculous!

There are a million things I love about being a coach. One of the biggest being the actual training and certification process. The tools, philosophies, and exercises I learned, in conjunction with all the coaching I received, truly equipped me to handle just about anything in life. I feel like a master problem-solver always ready to turn any problem into an opportunity. And thanks to John, a favorite question is always ‘what if this weren’t a problem?’ Ah, the power of a great question! I've learned to focus far more on the BEING side of life, and not just the DOING. How do we want to BE in life?

I use coaching every moment of my life… asking thoughtful questions, being an engaged listener, planning intentionally and putting structure and accountability around those plans, providing safe space to be you in all of your glory, dreaming out loud, allowing others to hear themselves talk through their ideas and what matters most. It’s also about helping others to be inspired – to be in spirit- to feel empowered and encouraged to dare to dream. And to make those dreams come true. So many wonderful things to love about coaching!

Hundreds of coaching conversations have taught me the most about compassion. The stories, the struggles, the pain people endure quietly. We have no idea, until we speak with someone, until we connect, until we ask, and dive in together with hopes and intentions of finding our own answers, and greater clarity- to know how to proceed. Coaching has also taught me the importance of always choosing love over fear. That makes that easy! And that the answers always lie in the truth.

Coaching can be the much-needed carbonation for life. It helps ensure our lights are on. It’s about living a life on purpose with passion. Coaching conversations lead us on a path to greater creativity, clarity and wisdom.

And to think, 24 years ago, I took a leap of faith leaving that job without a net. And yet a mere two days later an auspicious coincidence (I learned that term from John!) occurred in learning about a thing called coaching. It’s been a grand adventure, and a limitless space for learning, growth and freedom. During that sabbatical of sorts, I also committed to being a wisdom collector and?decided my life would become a positivity experiment that made joy a daily priority. A life- and my life’s work- centered around wisdom, positivity and joy has served me well.

Next year will be 25 years of coaching and being coached. Coaching has been such a gift and a treasured constant in my life. I cannot imagine my life without it. Somewhere along the way I remember someone sharing a reference to coaching that ‘one is a struggle, two is a breeze’. Nothing like a much-appreciated partner for greater comfort and ease in creating the life you dream possible.

Betsy Jackman, CPCC

PHOTO: Selfie from a recent trip to Baja, Mexico to recharge, enjoy and just BE!

This article was made possible through a writing exercise I did for a guided autobiography workshop led by Jeanne Bradford . I highly recommend Jeanne's workshops!

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