24 Immediate Ways Step Out of Your History and Find Success and Happiness
Katherine Brown, Ed.D., Prosci, CCMP, MBA, PMP
Change and Learning Pro | Democratizing AI | Workforce Futurist | Coach
"Live out of your imagination, not your history" ~Steven Covey
Lately, things seem to be out of control. The environment we are now working and living in has changed drastically over the past few weeks and has caused us all to re-evaluate our circumstances, consider the greater good, and come together like we have never done before (even while we maintain distance from one another).
I believe that we are all at a pivotal point in our lives. For whatever reason, we all have an opportunity to reinvent and improve our selves, to shed old habits and make the rules we wish to live by going forward. The trouble is, most of us still live by rules that others made--ones that don't necessarily work well and can actually keep us from success and happiness.
With so much volatility and uncertainty in our world, it's more important than ever to take ownership of the things you can control, stretch your envelope, step out of the things from your past that may be holding you back, and change those habits that no longer work for you. I've compiled 24 mind-hacks that can help you replace old, negative thoughts and habits with a whole new way of thinking geared to propel you towards not only your goals but a happier, successful life.
1. Embrace The Change!
Most people give up too easily when they are attempting to change habits. This happens because they expect their feelings to change instantly. Recognize that feelings may follow actions, not precede them.
The more negativity or powerlessness is ingrained in our habitual thoughts, the longer it takes to “break” that response. Go through exercises such as reframing anyway and one day before too long, you’ll find your feelings will eventually follow.
2. Use Affirmations Effectively
If affirmations don’t work for you, consider the fact that you may be investing your energy and hope into (a) unrealistic ones you don’t really believe in or (b) generic affirmations that are too vague and broad-ranging.
The key to making affirmations work is two-fold:
· Be specific. Take your affirmation from pie-in-the-sky platitude to something you can achieve
· Make sure you believe in the message at a gut level
Anyone can say: “I am a millionaire right now”, but that is not really an affirmation—it’s wishful thinking. On the other hand, telling yourself daily: “I have a millionaire mindset” can be a powerful boost to your confidence and outlook, if you pair it with a plan of action.
3. Reframe Negative Thoughts
The damage may be done. A negative family environment or significant relationship has left you with poor self-esteem or poor processing habits. Or perhaps it was that toxic company you worked at for twelve years.
But no matter what caused you to adopt an “I’m doomed, I may as well give up: Happiness/success is not for me” head space, you can make the decision to change that—starting today.
One successful technique that psychologists use is called “re-framing”. Here’s how to do it:
· Take a negative, habitual thought . (e.g., I always screw up)
· Filter it in an objective manner through the light of reality
· Replace your negative thought with a positive but realistic, corrected version (e.g., I don’t always screw up. Sometimes I make mistakes, like everybody else—but I learn from them).
Tip: You can do this with any type of thought—business or persona--try it!
4. Realize that Fear is Just Excitement
You may have “learned” that the butterfly-sensation in your stomach before you give a presentation or webinar is “fear”. Try reframing that to: “Wow, I sure am excited about this!”
Changing fear into excitement in your mind is the first step to taking action, taking risks—and succeeding.
5. See Failure as a Learning Opportunity
This is no trite platitude. The most successful people aren’t the ones that instantly succeed: They are the ones that get up, take notes of what didn’t work, brainstorm—and keep going.
True failure is never trying in the first place.
6. Focus Outward
Our worst worries, fear and paralysis behaviors and mindsets occur when we are focused inward—on ourselves.
Focus outward instead: On how you are going to help the person you are writing that eBook for; or how much it will help not just your client but other members of his team if you get your project in on time.
When we are focused on helping others, there is no room for worry.
7. Find your Passion
Even if you’re stuck in a job you don't particularly love or you can’t instantly get out of, look for what you are truly passionate about within it: What in this current business makes time fly, instills you with vision and confidence, and brings satisfaction?
Find a way to tap into that. Tweak your routines, outsource energy-draining tasks—and most important, adjust your plans so that you are more closely following the path that inspires you towards your success goals.
8. Cultivate Self-awareness
Being self-aware doesn’t mean beating yourself up or giving yourself negative messages: It means assessing yourself as objectively as you would assess any business idea.
Get into the habit of asking yourself questions like:
· What am I doing well?
· What do I have trouble with?
· What could I do better? How?
· What am I doing too much of?
· How do my subscribers and followers see me?
· How do I see myself?
Done properly, not only can this help you succeed—it’s also fun as you uncover each possibility.
9. Know your Triggers
If you find yourself procrastinating, don’t worry so much about the cause: Find your triggers. What sends you into Avoidance-Land? Is it a particular topic you have to write about? The fact that you hate bookkeeping or cleaning house? A particularly unpleasant client? One that reminds you of that scary fifth grade teacher?
Sometimes when we identify causes and triggers, we are able to deflate the bogeyman. (“Hey, I’m not ten years old any more. So what if this client talks like her?”) Most important, however: Recognizing and naming a trigger takes away its power. We then feel empowered to make proactive choices and deal with what is making us want to put off a task or responsibility.
10. Avoid Analysis Paralysis
Did you know that over-preparing and over-analyzing can be another form of procrastination—or at the very least, avoidance behavior? Especially if it is stopping you from branching out or taking any sort of risk.
To get past this, get into the habit of setting cut-off dates. (“On Tuesday the sixteenth, no matter how unprepared I feel, I’m just going to launch this website.”)
Giving yourself a definite cut-off date and making a commitment to stick to it can help focus your thinking and spur you into action.
11. Set Ground Rules—for Yourself!
If you constantly find yourself reactively responding to family or friends who don’t seem to understand you are working, set ground rules: Not just for your nearest and dearest, but for yourself. For example, set work hours and tell the worst offenders you won’t be available during that time period every day. Then respect your own rules if they call or “drop in”.
Don’t answer the door. Don’t pick up the phone if you see their names on Call Display. Don’t answer emails or Facebook PMs.
If you stick to your guns, they will eventually realize you mean what you say: But if you make exceptions, you’ve only yourself to blame when they turn up on your doorstep during work hours. (If you don’t respect yourself and your clients, they won’t!)
12. Break it Down into Bite-sized Chunks
This is especially true for any task that overwhelms you or makes you procrastinate. If the thought of writing a thirty-page eBook has you running to clean the silverware, just so you won’t have to face it, then break that task down into “baby steps”.
Set daily goals that are easily manageable, no matter how overwhelmed you feel: For example, writing 500 words a day, or one page a day.
13. Honor your Learning Style
I wouldn't be true to my educational background if I didn't call this out. Sometimes the reason you may find tasks so difficult or find that systems or processes others use just don’t work for you may be simply that you have a different learning style. For instance, lists may not work for you if you are a visual or auditory learner. In that case, dictate things-to-do into an audio file or use colored highlighters to highlight your top three priorities for the day.
14. Drastically Trim To-do Lists--3 Big Things
Speaking of lists, we tend to put too many items on our daily to-do lists; then get discouraged and disheartened when we continually don’t accomplish most of them.
This is my all-time, favorite tip to build a feeling of success--3 Big Things. In fact, I have a poster on my wall in my office that simply says, 3 Big Things!
From now on, focus only on your top three priorities. DO NOT add any more tasks until you’ve finished those three. (After that, it’s totally optional!)
And recognize that if you get a minimum of one mega-important task done per day, you have legitimate grounds to celebrate!
15. Push Back and Walk Away from the Computer
To some of you, this may be blasphemous, but you NEED to step away from the computer. Did you know that a percentage of people who spend hours a day at the computer without a break develop serious, life-threatening or highly unpleasant physical problems, such as deep-vein thrombosis or pilonidal cysts at the end of the tailbone?
Taking a break not only helps bring oxygen to cells and restore circulation to the body, however, it also helps refresh and clear the mind. Try going for a brisk, ten-minute walk a couple of times a day. Or get up and do stretching or yoga exercises.
Your body—and your mind—will thank you.
16. Be Grateful for the Small Things
Even if your environment is chaos all around you and it feels like your life is in a shambles, people can usually find three things per day that they are grateful for.
Important: Get into the habit of starting your morning out by choosing three things you are grateful for that day—no matter how basic or “silly” these three things may be--and naming them aloud. In addition, try to also name three things you like about yourself.
Try these two little exercises for a month, and see what a difference it makes to your mood and confidence level.
Tip: Smile when you say “Today I am grateful for…”, even if you don’t feel like it: Smiling will help shift your mindset and raise your energy.
17. Follow the WTWTCH Formula
Are you afraid to take risks? Do you have “roadblocks” that are limiting your potential? For some, it can be a fear of public speaking. For others, getting on a plane to go to that convention. It can even be as small as not asking a question that you’d love to ask.
Instead of concentrating on your fear, ask yourself: “What’s the worst that could happen?” Once in a blue moon, yes, you’ll realize that things are definitely risky to the point of death-defying—but more often than not, the answer is something like: “Well, I might gain new networking contacts if I go to the convention”. (And if your answer is something like “what if no one will notice me,” you can plan to make sure that they do!)
18. Stay Connected
This is extremely important for today's business environment where so many people are moving to virtual work for the first time. There’s a tendency among those who work at home to become accidental shut-ins; especially at first, when struggling to make working from home a norm.
But humans are social animals: It’s important to make connections and stay connected—not just in your social life, but in your business life too.
Schedule a weekly or monthly meeting via GoToMeeting or Zoom. Learn how to be a super user of Microsoft Teams at your office and connect with your work colleagues "face-to-face" so that your team can get to know each other as human beings.
Having the feedback and company of others not only helps us find answers to questions, it sandpapers our rough corners and helps us realize who we are in connection to our world.
19. Use the Twenty-Minute Rule for Power Naps
Got a huge project that you really must push through to finish? No time for sleep? Set your alarm for twenty-five minutes and take a power nap. (Five minutes to fall asleep; twenty for the nap.)
The popular TV show, Mythbusters, tested the concept of napping extensively. They tested mental alertness in people who had no sleep, longer naps and twenty-minute power naps. The twenty-minute group performed the best, every time. So if you’re a human being and you really do have to “push through” a long day or project—take that twenty minute power nap for maximum efficiency.
20. Drop Three Things per Day
We talked earlier about focusing only on three top priorities: Now take that one step further, and look for three things it would be a relief to drop every day.
· Don’t want to check out that eCourse you bought six months ago? Delete it!
· Struggle over creating graphics? Outsource them.
· Hate to do housework? Hire a cleaning lady
Tip: I hire someone to deep clean my house every 3 months--the rest gets done as usual, but who wants to dust the top of the refrigerator?!?). And, of course, some tasks you can simple afford to just stop doing altogether!
21. Narrow your Focus
Overwhelmed by distractions or multi-tasking? Try focusing only on one single task or responsibility at a time, ignoring everything else.
(Tip: Use a timer—and keep your time periods no longer than twenty or thirty minutes.)
22. Nurture Your Relationships
If you want to be truly in touch with life, don’t lose touch with the people that matter to you. Make time for close friends. Remember to thank and appreciate your team members. Begin and end the day by hugging and kissing your spouse and your children. And if you don’t have any humans to hug, be sure to make time for your dog or cat!
Truly successful, happy people aren’t all about work: They know the importance of nurturing and maintaining the relationships that make all that hard work worthwhile.
23. Listen
When so much emphasis is on doing, achieving, producing in the business landscape, many leaders forget to really stop and listen.
Listen to your customers and clients. Listen to your followers. Listen to your peers—and especially to your team.
Make notes of things that strike you (it’s guaranteed you may not remember them later, if you don’t). Follow up on things promised or concerns expressed.
The most successful people know how to listen—and follow through.
24. Creating More of What you Want
Every time you find yourself particularly enjoying something—anything at all, from taking a simple but refreshing nap every afternoon to the adrenalin rush of sealing a six-figure deal—get into the habit of asking yourself: “How can I create more of this?”
In order to create more of something, you need to let go of something else; so the second part of this question is: “How do I get rid of …?”
In order to create more of what you want, you need to focus on it, live it, breathe it—and plan for more. It doesn’t just happen on its own. So go after what you love—and what makes you feel excited to be alive.
Finally, realize that these mind-hacks are not something you “should” do. Pick and choose, adapting them to your personality and goals. They are here for you to pick up and use, like instruments, so you can fine-tune your business and your life to finally create true happiness and success