#23 Why We Get Stuck: Breaking Through Old Habits, Gridlocks, and Patterns

In my coaching practice, I encounter many individuals who feel stuck in some aspect of their lives, whether it's their career, personal development, or leadership journey. This sensation of being trapped in old habits and patterns is a common struggle. However, feeling stuck is not a setback; rather, it can be the catalyst for profound transformation. By understanding the underlying science and leveraging insights from neuroscience, we can break free from these barriers and achieve meaningful, lasting change.

Understanding Why We Get Stuck

Feeling stuck often stems from the brain's natural wiring and its propensity for forming habits. The human brain is incredibly efficient at creating and following habits to conserve energy and streamline daily activities. These habits are formed in the basal ganglia, a region of the brain responsible for routine behaviors. When we repeat actions, the neural pathways associated with those actions become stronger, making the behaviors more automatic and less cognitively demanding.

The Brain's Efficiency Mechanism

Our brain's ability to form habits is an evolutionary advantage. By automating repetitive tasks, the brain frees up mental resources for more complex decision-making processes. For instance, when you first learn to drive a car, every action requires focused attention. Over time, these actions become second nature, allowing you to drive while thinking about other things. This is a classic example of the basal ganglia at work, reinforcing neural pathways through repetition and practice.

The Cost of Efficiency

While this efficiency is beneficial in many ways, it comes at a significant cost. Once a habit is ingrained, it becomes challenging to change. This is why we often find ourselves stuck in the same patterns, even when we know they're not serving us well. The neural pathways in the basal ganglia are so well-established that it takes considerable effort to rewire them.

The Science Behind Stuckness

Neuroscientific research has shown that changing a habit involves weakening old neural pathways and strengthening new ones. This process, known as neuroplasticity, requires consistent and deliberate effort. Mindfulness and awareness are crucial in this regard. By being mindful of our actions and decisions, we can start to recognize the automatic behaviors that keep us stuck.

The Neuroscience of Breaking Free

Breaking free from old habits and overcoming gridlocks involves the remarkable process of rewiring our brains. This transformative journey is deeply rooted in neuroplasticity, the brain's inherent ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections. Renowned neuroscientist Dr. Norman Doidge explores this concept in his book, "The Brain That Changes Itself," highlighting how our thoughts and experiences can physically alter our brain structure.

Awareness and Mindfulness: Research by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the creator of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, indicates that mindfulness practices can significantly boost neuroplasticity, enhancing our capacity to form new, healthier habits. Studies have shown that mindfulness meditation increases gray matter in brain regions involved in learning, memory, and emotional regulation (H?lzel et al., 2011) .

Set Clear Intentions: Goal setting activates the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for planning and decision-making. Renowned psychologist Edwin Locke, known for his goal-setting theory, emphasizes that clear and challenging goals can significantly enhance performance and motivation (Locke & Latham, 2002).

Create New Neural Pathways: Engaging in new activities and learning new skills stimulates the brain, encouraging the formation of fresh neural pathways. Dr. Michael Merzenich, a pioneer in brain plasticity research, illustrates this in his work, "Soft-Wired ," where he discusses how varied and challenging experiences can rewire the brain for better cognitive functioning.

Leverage the Power of Visualization: Visualization techniques can prime the brain for success by mentally rehearsing desired outcomes. This process strengthens the neural circuits associated with new habits, making them easier to adopt in real life. Research by Dr. Pascale Michelon indicates that visualization can enhance performance by activating the same brain areas involved in physical execution (Michelon, 2006 ).

Use Positive Reinforcement: Positive reinforcement helps to cement new behaviors by rewarding ourselves for making progress. This encourages the brain to repeat the behavior, reinforcing the new neural pathways. B.F. Skinner's operant conditioning theory underpins the importance of reinforcement in behavior change (Skinner, 1938 ).

Question Your Patterns: Ask yourself, "What is this problem a great solution for?" This question can help uncover the underlying reasons for your habits and open up new perspectives, enabling you to tackle the root cause of your behaviors. Dr. Robert Kegan's work on adult development emphasizes the importance of understanding underlying assumptions to facilitate transformative learning (Kegan, 1994 ).

Change Your Environment: Sometimes, changing your physical or social environment can disrupt old patterns and make it easier to establish new ones. ,

The Role of Coaching in Overcoming Stuckness

Most individuals who seek coaching are often grappling with feelings of being stuck in various aspects of their lives. As a coach, my role involves employing a range of techniques to help clients identify and overcome their gridlocks. One effective method is to ask, "What is this problem a great solution for?" This question helps clients uncover the hidden benefits and underlying reasons behind their current behaviors, making it easier to find alternative ways to fulfill those needs.

For example, one of my coachees, Jane (not her real name), a senior manager at a tech firm, felt stuck in her career. Despite her accomplishments, she struggled with self-doubt and was hesitant to take on larger leadership roles. Through our sessions, we explored her fears and identified that her perfectionism, while ensuring high-quality work, was also preventing her from delegating tasks and pursuing new opportunities. By addressing these issues, Jane began to delegate more, freeing up time to focus on strategic initiatives. She also started to see her perfectionism as a double-edged sword, learning to balance her high standards with the need for growth and delegation. This shift not only boosted her confidence but also positioned her for a promotion.

Coaching provides a structured approach to change, offering personalized support, accountability, and strategies tailored to each individual's unique situation. Regular coaching sessions facilitate the development of new habits, insights, and sustainable changes that drive personal and professional growth.

Through coaching, clients like Jane learn to:

• Identify and Understand Stuckness: Recognize areas where they feel stuck and understand the root causes.
• Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Reframe negative thought patterns and replace them with empowering beliefs.
• Set and Achieve Goals: Define clear, achievable goals and develop action plans to reach them.
• Enhance Self-Awareness: Gain deeper insights into their strengths, weaknesses, and motivations.
• Build Resilience: Develop coping strategies to handle setbacks and stay committed to their goals.

By addressing these aspects, coaching helps individuals break free from their gridlocks, enabling them to achieve their full potential and lead more fulfilling lives. Whether it's through questioning existing patterns, changing environments, seeking support, or practicing self-compassion, the journey of overcoming stuckness is transformative and empowering.

Conclusion

Breaking through old habits and patterns is a challenging but rewarding journey. By understanding the science of stuck and leveraging the principles of neuroscience, we can rewire our brains and create lasting change. Whether you're feeling stuck in your career, personal life, or leadership journey, remember that this feeling is a starting point for transformation. Embrace the process, seek support, and take actionable steps towards the life you envision. The path to getting unstuck is within your reach, and the possibilities are limitless.