21 Stages of A Narcissistic Relationship and How to Escape From It

What is it like to be in love or married to a narcissistic personality type? People who are in love with a narcissistic personality type are usually in a dilemma - they know that the other person is "emotionally abusing" them, that the relationship is full of conflict and hurt, and that they are the ones being hurt, but they cannot say goodbye to the other person completely, and they even find excuses to excuse the other person when problems arise.

If you fall in love or get married to a narcissistic personality, you must become one with him. You can't be yourself, you can only be his shadow. If you have a different opinion, the other person will feel strongly abandoned, denied, and blamed, and he will be furious and turn his back immediately. In fact, narcissistic personalities are often emotionally deprived and defective.

More insights about narcissists refer to the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Content:

What is a narcissist?

The signs you're in a narcissistic relationship

The 21 Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship

How to Escape from A Narcissistic Relationship

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist might be someone who constantly talks about themselves whilst on a first date, posts one too many selfies on his or her social media, or posts too many pictures of themselves on their social media.

The only way to define a true narcissist is if he or she has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). A person with NPD believes that he or she is better and more special than anyone else, and therefore they or expect to be recognized and respected for this.

They are often incapable of empathizing with the opinions and needs of others and are dismissive of the difficulties facing others.

A person diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) must meet five of the nine criteria described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in order to be clinically recognized as such a person.

1. Pride in one's self-importance

2. Idolizing an ideal of success, power, beauty, or brilliance

3. Their perception that they are special and unique, and only other special or high-status people can understand them, or should associate with them

4. Excessive admiration is needed

5. Self-righteousness

6. Extortion of interpersonal relationships

7. Inability to empathize

8. Being envious of others or believing they are envious of others

9. Displaying arrogance and haughtiness

There is a wide range of severity when it comes to NPD, much like most other mental health conditions.

" There are a number of different types of narcissism, according to Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, author of "The Self-Aware Parent."

For example, if someone has a narcissistic personality disorder, for example, they might be able to function well in the outpatient setting and seem friendly and normal to others. The severity of a disorder is usually indicated by the severity of an individual's aggression when they are faced with it in an inpatient setting. Nevertheless, when faced with the disorder in an inpatient setting, they can become aggressive and challenging.

Moreover, people with NPD are often afflicted with other physical and mental health conditions, such as substance abuse disorders and anxiety disorders; these conditions may further complicate their close relationships with others.

Even so, even knowing the "official" diagnosis criteria does not always make it easier to identify someone with NPD, especially if you're in a romantic relationship with someone who has it. Typically, it will be necessary to conduct a standard psychiatric interview in order to determine whether someone is suffering from NPD.

The signs of NPD will certainly help you to understand your partner's feelings better. Here are some of the signs you should pay attention to.

The signs you're in a narcissistic relationship

· Their behavior seems entitled.

Having the feeling that one is special and deserves special treatment is the core element of narcissism, Durvasula explains. "The feeling that one is special or deserves special treatment is an integral part of narcissism."

· They behave in a superior manner.

A narcissist is a cocky AF individual who is insecure about themselves at the same time. That's how they end up thinking they're better than everyone—or, at least, acting like they are. In spite of their intrinsic inadequacy, narcissistic people maintain a sense of superiority as a defense against that inadequacy, Durvasula says. "Narcissists have distorted self-esteem, and despite their inherent inadequacy, they maintain a sense of superiority as a way of resentment."

· They believe others are jealous of them.

"There are times when your partner is so convinced that everyone wants to be them that it appears as if he or she is low-grade paranoid rather than low-grade envy," Durvasula explains. It can sometimes come across as low-grade paranoia, most common when someone tells you that everyone wants to be them.

· Their empathy is lacking.

In case you don't know what empathy is, it's a quality that allows one to understand how another feels. "Lack of empathy is one of the core characteristics of narcissism," Durvasula says. "They are unaware of the impact that they have on others, and they are not interested in the emotional worlds of others."

· They manipulate you.

Getting people to do what works for you, even when they don't, is the fine art of manipulation, Durvasula says. Narcissists use this technique because it plays on guilt and fear, and makes them question their perception of reality. What makes gaslighting even scarier is that it is common with narcissists.

· They must be admired.

"Narcissism is defined by the need for validation and admiration," Durvasula says. Know someone who is always fishing for compliments? Their sense of self is substantiated by external validation and admiration, and they need external feedback to existing."

· Prioritize their needs.

Narcissists always prioritize their own needs, Durvasula says. Feel like your needs never matter in this relationship?

· Your needs aren't really met.

However, Durvasula notes that narcissists will not listen to you. They forget or don't even realize that they matter as well.

· Aggressiveness is possible.

A recent study found that both everyday narcissists and pathological narcissists are more likely to behave aggressively, Durvasula cites. She cites 437 studies that found narcissism is "highly correlated" with aggression. The authors concluded that narcissism has a significant impact on aggression and violence.

· They can't handle feedback.

Durvasula says that they're sensitive to feedback of any kind, but that they don't fear dishing out feedback on their actions, despite having difficulty getting any kind of feedback. In addition, Durvasula says that they are hypercritical of themselves and have no trouble giving feedback.

· Success is everything to them.

In order to control the narrative and other people, narcissists need power and dominance, which is part of their grandiosity.

The 21 Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship

Stage 1: Attraction

In order to attract his victims, the narcissist makes them believe they are all they have ever wanted in love and acceptance.

A narcissist will love to bomb their victim during this stage, sending them flattering comments, romantic messages, and gift baskets in an attempt to win their affection.

Stage 2: Illusion

The narcissist pays close attention to the victim, attempting to find out what their needs and desires are so as to manipulate them.

A person who does this would attempt to portray themselves as their soul mate to their victim - giving them the impression that they share the same tastes and preferences as their victim.

As it turns out, narcissists are incapable of loving others in a way that makes them feel special quite simply because they don't see people for who they really are. They either idealize others or devalue those around them.

There is nothing genuine or long-lasting about the response that is being given at this point by a narcissist.

Stage 3: Devaluation

The victim is not going to feel the need to fake their love once the narcissist hooks him or her into his or her toxic web and he or she is hooked into web.

After this, they begin to devalue the victim so as to crush their self-esteem and control them by crushing their self-esteem.

As well as their putdowns, the narcissist would also give validation to their victims as part of their abuse, which gives their abuse a sense of subtlety.

The victim ends up feeling confused as a result of this abuse and it further reinforces the toxic attachment that forms between the abuser and their victims as a result of this abuse.

Stage 4: Trauma Bonding

An attachment to a person who has hurt you emotionally is known as a trauma bond.

The narcissist is hurting their victim, but they are also verifying and approving them in a false way.

In this cycle, victims are conditioned to believe that the narcissist is the one to relieve their pain, despite the fact that they have no idea that the narcissist is the one who caused their pain in the first place.

Stage 5: Control

It has probably been a while since the victim first appeared to be addicted to the narcissistic influence over her life.

As a result of this attachment, the narcissist is able to exert a lot of control over the victim and let them do whatever they want.

The perpetrator might monopolize the victim's time and energy as well as isolate them from other people in their lives because of their actions.

There is an exchange of pseudo-love for the victim becoming the narcissist's caretaker.

Stage 6: Never Satisfied

In spite of everything the victim does and gives, it does not seem that they are able to help the narcissist no matter how much they give.

Narcissists may claim they need the support and love of their victims, but the truth is, deep down, they believe that what they have done is ideal.

As a result, narcissists are not in need of change or fixing to become better. If anything, they will always blame the world for what goes wrong.

There is not a sense of power or loyalty or control emanating from the narcissist, but rather a sense of pleasure and a sense of egoistic desire.

Stage 7: Defeat and Denial

It happens to the victim at this point that they start to lose faith that they will be able to help, or even fix, the narcissist, and they begin to feel hopeless about being able to help.

Although they feel defeated, even though they are feeling defeated, they are not able to walk away from the situation, regardless of the fact that they are feeling defeated.

When victims are attracted to false promises, it makes sense that they will hold onto them for as long as they receive them, for as long as they believe what they hear and not what they see. They believed what they believed and not what they saw, which in turn made them believe that which they believed.

As painful as it is for people to acknowledge the truth about a situation, that is why they continue to deny the truth and keep going on with their lives as if nothing is wrong.

Stage 8: Trapped

Inevitably, the victim will feel trapped at some point in the future, and it's only a matter of time before that happens.

The narcissist will not approve of their efforts because there is nothing they can do that will make him approve of them.

This can be attributed to the fact that as they get older, they may become less prone to speaking openly about their feelings, concerns, or their desires simply because they have learned that it isn't safe to do so.

You should know by now that if you are a narcissist, you have probably used almost every emotionally abusive tactic you could possibly imagine (guilt-tripping, shaming, criticizing, invalidating, etc.) to crush the self-esteem of your target.

Despite living in an anxiety-ridden state, the victim is still thinking of leaving, which is even more distressing because of the attachment he or she has developed to the abuse that they are experiencing.

Stage 9: Resistance

After a period of time, the control that the narcissist was able to exert over the victim begins to crumble as the victim begins to speak out.

It should be noted that narcissistic people refuse to accept responsibility for their actions and do not validate the experiences of the victim when confronted with what they have done or said to hurt them.

Stage 10: Gaslighting

A narcissist will normally try to gaslight a victim so that they believe that "it's all in their head" as they try to speak up, and the victim will attempt to project all their flaws onto their victim.

The victim's experience will be minimized and invalidated by them.

It is believed that the narcissist has a genuine belief that everything is as it should be and that the victim has changed for the better due to the encounter.

Stage 11: Blame-shifting

It is also important to note that a narcissist will impose blame on their victim along with invalidating their experience and gaslighting them.

Generally speaking, people who are narcissistic will not take responsibility for anything that happens to them. They will instead focus on the faults of other people because focusing on their own faults is not as painful.

In the case of a narcissist, finding something to blame you for is not difficult.

Stage 12: Self-Blame

It is inevitable, after years of being subjected to all kinds of psychological abuse, that the victim starts to blame themselves as a result of all these practices.

This logic goes as follows: If the narcissist is not to blame, then it must be the fault of the victim.

Stage 13: Confusion

This stage is characterized by a feeling of confusion and loss on the part of the victim.

I have been trying so hard for the past few months to make the situation work, to give the narcissist what he or she needs, to improve themselves, etc. but nothing is working.

The victim is not prepared to come out of denial and face the fact that they have been abused just yet, because they don't want to rock the boat and make waves.

As a result, they try to rationally explain what's happening in the relationship as normal, simply because they don't understand what's going on.

Stage 14: Survival Mode

Even though the victim is constantly feeling sad and anxious, he or she is still trying to adjust to whatever is going on in their life.

There is a survival mode going on, they are treading on eggshells

As much as possible, they are concerned about not upsetting the narcissist in any way.

Their sense of self-worth has been undermined by the narcissist's rage, ridicule, silent treatment, and any other tactics he uses to punish them as he has been doing over the past few years.

Stage 15: Coming Out of Denial

Eventually, a narcissist's victim will realize that he or she is in a relationship with a narcissist and will decide to leave it.

Taking them to rock bottom may be the only way for them to finally come out of their denial after hitting a rock bottom.

For those victims who do not have that shield of denial, realizing that the relationship is fake and one-sided will be devastating to them when they realize the relationship is not real.

Stage 16: Acknowledgement of Abuse

At this point, the victim starts to reflect on all of the incidents from the past as well as begin to recognize all the ways in which the narcissist has taken advantage of them and abused them.

The couple feels less confused and apprehensive, but they are also devastated by the revelation that what they thought were signs of love and affection often turned out to be abuse.

Stage 17: Taking the Power Back

Now that the victim has been wronged, he is filled with righteous anger.

In their anger, they are able to stand up and defend themselves against the narcissist and stand up for themselves.

Stage 18: Discard

One of the two parties will discard the other, namely the narcissist or the victim.

There may be a moment when the victim feels enough courage to walk away.

If the narcissist feels threatened by the victim, he or she may choose to leave before the victim leaves the situation.

Stage 19: Healing

During this time, the victim begins the journey of healing that will ultimately lead to their recovery.

By listening to their own emotions and validating them, they learn to accept themselves as they are.

As a result, they begin to prioritize their needs and desires.

Stage 20: Hoovering

Hoovering is an expression used in relationships to refer to the act of sucking up a person's feelings of happiness and positivity, regardless of whether they are experiencing them or not.

If you are dealing with a narcissist, you may find them reaching out to you suddenly and without warning, claiming they are aware of their toxic behavior and will change, and in some cases even threatening to harm themselves or commit suicide.

Ultimately, the goal here is to prevent their victim from moving on and regain control over them by stopping them from moving on.

As the victim, it's important for them to set firm boundaries and make sure that there is no contact between them.

Stage 21: Moving On

A victim can only realize that he or she is no longer a victim at this point in time.

The mantra of not putting yourself first is one that they learn the hard way, which helps them get back in touch with themselves.

When they realize that love and validation come only from within, they are able to transform their lives for the better.

How to Escape from A Narcissistic Relationship

You deserve better than this. Remind yourself of that constantly.

Make sure that you are in close contact with your friends who are empathic.

Make sure that you have a support network within your family and friends who can help remind you of what is important in your life.

Talk to a therapist with your partner and encourage him or her to do so.

Consider seeing a therapist yourself if you need help.

Related book: Rebuilding by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti