21 Corporate Jargons Decoded

It’s been 2 years since I left my corporate job but I am still fascinated by some of the vague corporate jargons used by my ex bosses. So as public service, I have decided to decode the top 21 jargons I have come across, for you

1. Please find attached - I am not even gonna open this file but I want you to read every line of it because I am your BOSS
2. Let’s take it offline - Let us never talk about this again
3. Sleep over it - I will give you time till tomorrow morning to stop being an IDIOT
4. Go back to the drawing board - We should have never hired you
5. No Brainer - I thought of this before you all did so I AM GREAT AND YOU ALL SUCK
6. Go after the low hanging fruits - The work is still difficult but because I am saying it in this casual tone, you might think it’s easy
7. Park this thought - F**k You
8. You are shifting the goal posts - I have no idea what I want, but I don’t want this
9. Giving you a heads up - I am reminding you of something which is totally inconsequential to what we are gonna discuss
10. Think outside the box - I don’t like you so don’t expect me to like anything you suggest
11. This idea has legs - I will reject it later
12. Put it on the back burner - Stop working on it now so that I can screw you on this during your appraisals
13. I want it by EOD - The work is not important but nothing enrages me more than seeing you have a LIFE
14. Let’s brainstorm - Let’s all waste time together
15. Mail me the minutes of the meeting - I was sleeping during the meeting so send me the complete summary, which I can ignore
16. My gut feel - I know there is no logic to this but I am your boss
17. Stop scratching each other’s back - You are all idiots
18. You are working in silos - I want all you idiots to come together & become a collective idiot
19. Keep me in the loop - I don’t trust you on anything
20. Let’s take a bio break - I want us to sound cool even when we are using the loo
21. Open Door Policy - You can tell me anything and I will still f**k your happiness