21. Can You Make the Horse Drink Water or Not—Personal Context is Key: Overcoming Indecisiveness

Series Overview

No wonder you sometimes feel hesitant and indecisive when receiving advice from AI, experts, social media, or loved ones, as these sources often provide conflicting guidance, which only adds to your confusion. This happens because no one understands your personal context better than you do. Without that context, external input can feel irrelevant. The key is to integrate outside advice with your own decision-making skills.

That’s why the "Personal Context is Key: Overcoming Indecisiveness" series has come to life. It presents two opposing viewpoints on a given topic, illustrating that while both perspectives have compelling arguments and solid foundations, the ultimate right choice for you depends only on your current situation and unique circumstances. Thus, understanding and applying your personal context is essential for making decisions that truly align with your capabilities, needs, and goals.

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Article #21: Can You Make the Horse Drink Water or Not?

In collaboration with Samar Kamaleddine, this article explores the debate over whether “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

Samar is an HR professional based in Lebanon, holding a Bachelor's degree in Business and a Human Resources Business Partner Professional Certificate. With extensive expertise in talent acquisition, she has worked as a Talent Advisory Specialist for a startup, delivering recruitment solutions to both organizations and individuals.

Samar’s diverse background includes recruiting for a language center, providing HR consulting for a nonprofit organization, and serving as an HR trainee at the renowned oriental sweets company, Hallab 1881 Group, in Tripoli, Lebanon.

Written by Samar:

In a recent reel shared with me by Wafa Damlaj, HR PhD Student on Instagram, business leader Alex Hormozi offered a counterintuitive take on the proverb, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” He said, “If I dehydrate the horse, salt its mouth, put it in the heat, and place its face one inch from the water, I can guarantee the horse will drink.”

This perspective sparked many questions and a thought-provoking dilemma that resonates across various aspects of life—whether professional, personal, social, spiritual, or beyond. It challenges us to explore two opposing ideas: autonomy and influence. Can we create conditions that compel someone to make a specific decision or take action? Or, ultimately, is it a person’s free will that dictates their choices?

You Can Lead a Horse to Water, but You Can’t Make It Drink

The blog The Art of Non-Conformity shares an old story about a salesperson who was disappointed after losing an important sale. When discussing the situation with his boss, he remarked, “I guess it just proves you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”

This story illustrates that we can offer others the right tools, resources, and information, and even highlight the benefits of taking a certain action. However, that doesn’t guarantee they will seize the opportunity. People’s free will and individual choices play a central role in shaping the decisions they make. Each person has their own values, beliefs, biases, thought processes, and perspectives, all of which influence how they make decisions.

According to CityStatInfo Digital Media, each individual possesses the autonomy to choose their own path and determine the course of their life. While leaders, mentors, teachers, and parents often take on roles of responsibility and attempt to guide others, this proverb reminds us that there are limits to our influence. It suggests that we must respect each person’s autonomy and recognize that they are responsible for their own decisions.

Respecting others’ choices is essential, as each action or decision is made by an individual’s free will. Consequently, the person who makes the decision is fully accountable for its outcomes, and we cannot shift the blame to the influence of others. For instance, an HR Consultant may face challenges when business owners and leaders fail to recognize the value of HR initiatives in improving the business's bottom line, even after providing all the necessary tools, resources, and evidence. In this case, we can say, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink."

You Can Lead a Horse to Water, and You Can Make It Drink

Returning to the story of the salesperson, after he tells his manager, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink,” the boss responds, “Maybe, but let me give you some advice: Your job is not to make him drink. It’s to make him thirsty.”

Alex Hormozi expands on this idea, saying, “If I dehydrate the horse, salt its mouth, put it in the heat, and place its face one inch from the water, I can guarantee the horse will drink.” The dehydration, salt, heat, and proximity to the water are all external factors—motivators and influencers—that, when applied thoughtfully, will lead to a guaranteed action or decision.

This perspective suggests that there may be an underlying reason why the horse isn’t drinking, and finding the right external motivators to address that reason could be the key to ensuring action is taken. By understanding the person’s unique situation and applying the right amount of creativity, persuasion, and tailored approaches, it becomes possible to increase the likelihood—or even guarantee—that someone will take the desired action.

From this point of view, the HR Consultant can dig deeper into the reasons behind business leaders’ reluctance to embrace HR initiatives. By providing fully tailored solutions and motivators designed specifically for the business leaders' unique challenges and needs, the HR Consultant can create conditions where it becomes inevitable for these leaders to embark on the journey of HR change.

Finding Your Balance

The decision to either grant someone autonomy and free will or to take a more active role in influencing their actions is inherently personal and context-dependent. It’s shaped by the environment and the specific circumstances at play, whether in one's personal life, professional settings, or other areas of interaction

For example, in a personal relationship, a person may choose not to push their spouse to pursue a degree, even though it’s something they are passionate about. Instead, they might recognize that allowing their spouse the space to make such a significant decision independently will create an environment of respect and trust, allowing for personal growth and decision-making. The emphasis here is on respecting the other person’s autonomy and recognizing that their free will is integral to their personal journey.

Conversely, in a professional setting, a manager may take a more proactive stance. Instead of waiting for employees to take the initiative, the manager might use external motivators, provide resources, and craft an environment that encourages employees to participate in creative workshops or professional development opportunities. In this case, the manager’s role is to influence, inspire, and sometimes even “make the horse thirsty” by providing the right conditions for action.

Samar's Two Cents

Both perspectives—granting autonomy or using influence—serve different purposes. Granting autonomy builds trust, respect, and a sense of responsibility, empowering individuals to own their decisions. On the other hand, applying the right influence can drive action, spark growth, and encourage people to step out of their comfort zones. The key is knowing when to use each approach to create the best outcomes.

Wafa's Two Cents

The proverb might remind us of the importance of knowing when to step back, but there’s also a lesson about persistence and adaptability. Allowing the horse to choose not to drink each time could signal that we’ve given up and haven’t explored all options. If one method fails, why not try another? The beauty of problem-solving lies in our ability to experiment and learn from each attempt. Adjusting our approach—whether by changing the way we communicate, understanding deeper motivations, or addressing unseen barriers—can lead to breakthroughs.

However, there’s a fine line between persistence and control. The danger lies in forcing outcomes when circumstances or people are not ready for change. Overexerting influence can damage relationships, erode trust, and leave both parties frustrated. It’s a delicate balance, one that requires humility, patience, and keen observation. Mel Robbins, a renowned author and speaker, encapsulates this well: “Letting go is a secret to a happy life.” While persistence can be powerful, knowing when to let go—when to allow space for autonomy—often leads to peace and growth, both for yourself and others.

So, what’s the takeaway? Success lies in the dance between effort and surrender.

As the proverb goes,

• "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink", or
• "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

Samar Kamaleddine | HR Professional | Bachelor of Business Administration @University of Balamand

Wafa Damlaj, MHRM | HR Leader @Amazon | HR PhD Student @