2023: Resilience fuelled by Emotional Agility

I was trying to put off writing this piece because I knew a reflection at this time of the year may uncover some difficult emotions. Not the best time of the year to acknowledge difficult emotions. Eh?

I understand but I don't agree. Along with the festivities, this time of the year presents a perfect opportunity for reflection.

So, here we are! I've found the courage to face the difficult feelings that have been pulling me down lately.

Here's an unfiltered version of my reflection on 2023.

The obvious question- what are the difficult feelings that make me feel like burying my head in the sand?

It’s the feeling of having accomplished less than I wanted to!

2023 may have flown by but professionally it’s not been an easy ride for me.

Year 2 of entrepreneurship has been riddled with way more change than anticipated. I have had to coach myself to move past the feelings of inadequacy so I can step back from the immediate situation and acknowledge the bigger picture.?

I start by asking myself the usual questions (what was good this year, what was challenging, what can I take with me into the new year, what will I be leaving behind?)

Based on reflection, I came up with my word for the year.?

2023 has been a year of resilience.?

Resilience to bounce back stronger from challenging situations.

Professionally, 2023 may have been mild but it’s been a phenomenal one on the personal front. My 3-year-old made a huge transition into preschool this autumn and seeing her embrace the change with curiosity and confidence has been my favourite thing this year. Through good and bad health, joyous and difficult moments and through behaviours both positive and challenging, she knows that our love has been constant.

“Our children will run into lots of people who don’t validate their emotions. What’s important is they know when they get home their experience will be validated ?? -J. Milburn”

In a world that seems unduly worried about accelerating a child’s journey towards independence without developing a strong sense of secure attachment, I have been busy building a strong foundation of love, security and compassion for our little one.?

Like many nuclear families, we’ve juggled, sometimes struggled and always stepped up to look after each other striving to align our decisions with our values as a family unit.?

If you've read this far, you may wonder why I am sharing this personal reflection in the MirrorSpeak newsletter.?

I share this unfiltered reflection with you because, at this time of the year, you will see a lot of people share their 2023 highlights, accomplishments and big wins. And if that makes you feel like you’ve not quite accomplished ‘success’ as traditionally defined, it’s okay.?

• Your accomplishments however you define them are worth celebrating
• Your struggles both big and small, are lessons you will learn from
• And your emotions, both positive and difficult ones are valid, each one of them

In a world where social media often filters reality to paint a positive (or a falsely positive picture)...I found solace in the power of emotional agility.?

What is emotional agility?

Psychologist Susan David says,“Emotional agility is the ability to have a full range of emotions and experiences, including more difficult ones, and still choose to act in ways that are concordant with our values”.?

In my life experience, I have seen many professionals, leaders and parents push away difficult emotions and judge their emotions as good or bad.?

I’ve been guilty of it in the past.?

But over the last year, embracing and developing the skill of accepting my emotions has helped me tremendously in shifting my perspective, developing a growth mindset and growing my resilience.?

The old me may have been bitter at the end of the year. But the new me has embraced the ‘bittersweet’ emotion, a feeling where disappointment can co-exist with deep gratitude.?

It’s been a long and painful journey of personal transformation but I now know what Psychologist Susan David meant when she said...

"Pushing difficult emotions aside robs us of our capacity to develop the skills we need to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be"

Acknowledging difficult emotions that were lurking on the surface has helped me complete a more nuanced reflection of 2023.

Yes, it may go down as a mild year professionally but my heart is full of gratitude because this year:

• I am also leaving behind truckloads of self-doubt and imposter syndrome that have held me down far more than you can imagine.
• The MirrorSpeak newsletter has organically grown to 700+ subscribers, thank you all!
• I recorded my first podcast sharing my views on Portfolio Careers (link below)
• I became an approved Coach with Careering into Motherhood offering support to a wide community of mums!
• Continue to be an Ambassador for the OD Academy - Professional Membership .
• I have grown more resilient through periods of significant change and my emotional agility has been my greatest source of strength

And with heartfelt gratefulness,? I am signing off for 2023.

Dear reader- thank you for reading this far! I hope this edition of the MirrorSpeak newsletter inspires you to acknowledge the whole spectrum of your emotions without judging them to be good or bad.?

Did you do a year-end reflection? What is your word of the year?

Share your input in the comments.?

Thank you for your support this year!

I wish you a restful and happy Christmas and look forward to seeing you in 2024!

Resources & Contact

1. Resources- Psychologist Susan David's TedTalk on emotional agility
2. My podcast episode on portfolio careers and internal talent mobility. Thank you Ayesha Murray .
3. MirrorSpeak newsletter- subscribe here
4. Email: [email protected]
5. Are you thinking of navigating a big change in 2024- book a complimentary discovery call to explore how I can support you. Book now by clicking this link!