2022/23 Season

2022/2023 Mogul Ski Season

Just like that the 2022/23 competition season is over. First off, I'd like to thank everyone who gave their time and effort to me this season. Especially my coach: Simon Lemieux, Freestyle BC , my teammates, my parents, sponsors ( Auclair and all the rest. You know who you are.?

You learn more from failing than winning; is the motto that I've taken from this year. This season was the most difficult yet. It's challenging to conceptualize feelings and emotions I felt this season. It felt like I was chasing something all year that just kept slipping away further and further away as the weeks passed on. I searched for these feelings and rhythms inside me. It's the worst feeling in the world. Each week you get one run, 20-30 seconds to show your potential. If you don't figure out how to do that you will never be a champion. I know how to be a champion, I know how to ski like a champion, I just wasn't able to show that.?

The start of the end.?

Apex Nor-Am; January 21, 2023.?

The moment I finished my run, a wave of emotions came over me. I knew it wasn't it. I knew I blew it. I skied away. As the seconds moved, I began to feel more emotions. The world was collapsing. This is the third event in a row this year that I blew. I called my Mom. God bless her soul for the amount of awful emotional phone calls she heard and dealt with in the last few months. I truly wouldn't be sitting here without her. That was the first conversation of many about the future. I said to her on that phone call, “I don't want to ski anymore”. That was the first time in my career I said those words with meaning. I didn't want to put on my boots and go skiing anymore. At that moment I was done; I was embarrassed, and all I wanted to do was go home.?

Imagine, you train 8 months of the year for something and get 3 months to prove what you did over those 8 months. Then, during the first of 3 months you've just completely failed week after week. It's devastating. That's where I was at. I felt like everything I did over the summer was a failure. I wasn't skiing to my potential. I was jumping to my potential, but my mental game wasn't to my potential. That's a tough feeling to carry. Regardless, I decided to participate at competition after competition and give it my best. I continued to fail. My parents continued to get my stupid emotional phone calls. I was drowning in my brain.?

The following is what I took away from losing and failing. You learn! On the hill, I failed every week. I didn't achieve the result I wanted. Yet in that dark time, when nothing seemed to be going right, I felt as if I was growing as a human. I would write and write in my training journal about what was going wrong, how to fix it, what I was doing last year that worked, how I could put myself into that mental framework again etc etc etc. I adapt, learn and grow. By the middle of the season, I had figured out a few things.?

First, I was skiing for someone else, For something else. I wasn't skiing for Alex. Anyone in my close circle of life knows how much I talk about 8-year-old Alex. I ask myself when making decisions, what would 8 year old Alex think? I think 8 year old Alex would shit his pants with the experiences I've had, people I've met, things I've accomplished. This season I asked, “Is 8 year old Alex happy with this?” The answer was no. I was skiing for others, I was acting in certain ways to impress others - which was’t making Alex happy. As much as it sounds dumb, I was skiing for results. Your goal is to achieve results, of course. But no, that's not why I ski. I ski because I love skiing. I love spending time out on that hill everyday with my friends. I love working hard, having fun, laughing, playing and just being kids. That's why I ski. And that wasn't what I was doing. When I'm having fun, that's when I'm skiing at my peak. Results come with doing what you love and I wasn't loving what I was doing. I was trying to force actions and feelings that weren’t mine. After I accepted this, I started to look and figure out how Alex wanted to do things.

Secondly, I was skiing scared. I was more scared of messing up my run than trusting myself to accomplish the run I needed. As soon as you let your brain in, it's over. It is time to trust your abilities, enjoy the feelings, the pressure, and the nerves in the start gate. It's why we train 8 months of the year. Instead of being present and enjoying the time, I thought and thought. I was trying to force feelings that you can't force. Every run where I've succeeded in competition, I can tell you exactly what I was feeling at the start. I'm looking forward to the horizon, there's not a thought in my brain, I'm in the moment. I've prepared for this, I'm ready for this, now let your body do the work. That is the reason why we train for 8 months. This is why I did those extra jumps on water, the extra runs on snow, the extra squats in the gym. This is so I don't have to think or worry about anything except skiing, having fun and trusting your abilities.?

As much as I understand these concepts, it's not easy to change a mindset when you've been punched in the face for weeks. I continued to debate with the people around me if I needed time away. I was planning on returning home after the Canada games to take some down time and skip the last two NorAms. I didn't. It felt wrong. I'm not a quitter and I wanted to keep trying and figure this out.?

I ended up at Val St. Come for the third stop on the NorAm tour. With a fresh mindset, a mindset of hey let's just go and ski. Ski for you, and most importantly, ski for fun. And guess what?? It worked. I didn't get the result I was hoping for but it was the first time all season that I had the desired mental framework. I found inner peace in the gate to let go and ski. Even though the result wasn't to my full potential, things were moving in the right direction. The next week the same thing happened. I skied the run I planned. That was a wrap to the NorAam tour now 2 weeks off before the final event of the year Canadian Sr Nationals at Val St. Come.?

I headed down to Florida to take some warm off time and play some golf. During this time I was so burnt out and over skiing that it was a massive debate if I was heading to nationals. A few of my teammates were retiring after this year so I decided to go be with them and just ski. It was a blast of a weekend, playing minecraft as a team, indoor spikeball, pool, hot tubs, and more. Needless to say it was the right decision.?

On the day I was traveling to VSC, I was talking to my Dad in the car about how I'm feeling super burnt out and ready for a break. However, at the same time, I haven't felt this hunger and desire to win in a long time. My goal this summer is to work so hard that I make 2022/23 Alex look weak, to outdo myself in every way possible, to normalize what I once thought was impossible. That's a cool feeling to have. To be so motivated in a time when you're so burnt out and tired means the fire is lit again. I want to prove myself right and show I'm capable. That's motivating.?

Saturday didn't work out as planned. It was all there, I just made too many mistakes. Now I have one last chance to prove myself. It was time to leave it all out on the hill.?

The duel mogul event took place on Sunday. One qualifier, the top 24 make it. I qualified 8th! Finally! Last Sunday, last comp, last start. I fucking did it. I delivered the execution of the exact run I set out to achieve. Even better, the top 8 qualifiers advance into the round of 16. I ended up 6th on the day. Winning my first duel and losing my second duel by a few points. Better than the result, I accomplished that feeling, the goal of letting go and skiing. There was no better feeling when that quenching run came to an end. I knew I did it. I radioed my coach delighted that I had finally succeeded in completing it. Now, it might have taken all season but it was a reminder that I do have it in me. Deep down inside me, I still have these feelings. I can still do it. Now it's time for a well deserved rest and the off season. The fire is lit again.?

Lastly, I didn't end this season with the results I set out to achieve. I did not demonstrate what I am capable of. However, I left this season as a champion. The person who I've become, the people I've met, finding love in what I'm doing again. This is the true victory of this year. You really learn more from your failures than your successes. As much as this season sucked in many ways, I wouldn't trade it for the world. The lows make the highs that much better and I'm ready to prove to myself what I can accomplish.?

Sincerely, Alex.?