2021 - The Year of Self Discovery

Everything changed for me this year, I made many discoveries, but the biggest one of all was the discovery of myself. Looking back at the end of 2020 I realise that this was inevitable, however I am aware that I had the freedom to continue the same old cycles or do something radically different. I was already on the path of awakening, and there was no turning back. I found myself in a peculiar position, whereby everything I once knew and held dear had fallen away. It took my entire world crumbling before my eyes in various forms for me to see the light and make the changes that were so necessary for me to become me. It is still very much a work in progress but I would like to highlight some of the events that occurred and the realisations that came from them.

I started the year by driving to Cape Town from Johannesburg, about 1400kms, my first long distance solo trip. It was my first real taste of freedom. I spent a week in a small town by the coast and then headed to Vipassana in Worcester. Vipassana is an ancient mindfulness meditation technique, I spent 10 days at the centre learning. This experience assisted in bringing up all the things I had been oblivious to for so very long. All of the trauma I hadn't dealt with, all of the conditioning I had been subject to. It brought it to the surface and forced me to face it and transmute it. It also taught me how to quiet my mind, it gave me a tool to use in my day to day life that I am eternally grateful for.

I was invited to continue the road trip after Vipassana and I knew this was something I needed. I ended up traveling around South Africa with a man who I ended up dating for a short while. I started living in the moment as much as possible, not overthinking, just doing. This gave the opportunity to meet many beautiful beings and learn many things about my field of choice - which has been cannabis and plant medicines. This part was extremely difficult for me, he ended up being a narcissist and I ended up being codependent and losing myself completely - yet again. Although difficult though, it was necessary for me to see my own faults and get to know myself on a much deeper level. We lived on the road for about 5 months, till I grew a pair and got into my car and left.

As fate would have it, I was drawn to a beautiful conscious community in the forest. This is where it all started to make some sort of sense. When I arrived, I was a shell of myself. Super fragile and unsure, brain fog, self esteem issues, I felt like I could barely function as a human being. This is where I learned about what LIFE is actually about. I was supported and guided on my healing mission without even realising it. I was allowed to cry, I was asked about my experiences and the people actually listened, they heard me, it seemed as if this was the first time I had ever experienced it before, someone listening and actually hearing. It was as if I had found my place in the world and it seemed as if I finally found my tribe, conscious beings who share the same ideas and beliefs as I do. People who genuinely care and are nice human beings. It sounds strange that it took me 29 years to find likeminded individuals but it really did take that long, and oh how I needed it! I was able to practice many disciplines in this space which all contributed to the healing I needed for my mind, body and soul. I worked on the land and felt the soil between my fingers. I slept in a tent under the stars all by myself, and I had never felt more content and safe and loved. The forest will always be my home.

It was here that I realised that I am a healer, that I came to this planet at this time for a reason. That I was important. It was here that I saw a glimpse of my true potential. It was here that I experienced LOVE for the first time. Real, Pure, Authentic LOVE. And it was here that I realised that it is my privilege to share that with as many people as I possibly can.

I also learned that I have spirit guides that have been assisting me on this mission, and that I had the power to use the assistance and guidance to do what I need to do. My guides pushed me back to my hometown eventually, when I was ready to come back and it was for very specific reasons. I am now ending the year feeling the best I have felt in my entire life. I am LOVE, I am beautiful, I am powerful, I am all that I choose to be.