A Good Interview Question, How To Not Be Condescending & Weekend Distractions

Welcome to Potentially Focused! It's Thursday, November 14. I hope all is good with you this morning! Today we... Help you get better at interviewing people and call out common phrases to avoid sounding condescending.

Plus, we've got some fun stuff for the weekend as always!

Potentially Focused is a newsletter for busy people in the TV business (or not) who are curious. Everyone interested in growth, great new possibilities, and the stories we tell ourselves and others that either get us there or hold us back. Each edition features quick links to at least one great piece of content on professional development and one centered on personal growth. It's practical information all just a click away.

Please like, subscribe, and share with your favorite interviewer or interviewee! All are welcome!

Much appreciated,

Marco

Off we go...

WHAT TO ASK SOMEONE YOU'RE INTERVIEWING

Job interviews are stressful for candidates. They can also be stressful for the people doing the interviewing.

Holly Taylor is head of people at Public Digital, a London-based consultancy. In her career, she's interviewed hundreds of people for potential jobs.

It's always hard to know if you're making the right decision at hiring time, so I was intrigued to read what Taylor's go-to question is for prospective employees. Interestingly, when she first heard it over seven years ago, it completely stumped her.

But, it made her think and since then, she's used it regularly.

She asks job candidates, "What is the most valuable piece of feedback that you've received in your career?"

“The reason I like it is because when they answer, it gives you a really good understanding of how humble [or] vulnerable they’re willing to go with their answer,” Taylor explains.

Some people reflect on a constructive piece of feedback they got at a crucial point in their career, and how learning from the criticism ultimately propelled them forward.

They explain “This was the feedback, this is how I approached it, this is how I changed, and this is the impact of having that feedback,” Taylor notes.

Sometimes, people give her an answer about how they work or interact with colleagues, while others discuss how they improved on a technical skill.

Asking Taylor's favorite question isn’t too different from asking about someone’s greatest weakness or area of improvement. However, her framing prompts candidates to think about specific feedback they’ve gotten in terms of what their boss, team, or organization needed them to improve on.

On the flip side, some candidates focus on the positive. Those that go that route will share an example of feedback they got about something they excel at.

Taylor says these responses can be equally insightful: “That’s no right or wrong answer. You learn a lot from the person when they say that.”

If you decide to use Taylor's question the next time you're interviewing someone, let us know how it works for you.

And now...

HOW NOT TO BE CONDESCENDING

At the risk of potentially coming across AS condescending, here's a link to a Huffington Post article calling out phrases to avoid if you don't want to seem, well... condescending.

I know you've all got a million things to do, so below is a quick summary...

According to Celeste Headlee, author of “We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter", we're being condescending when we speak to someone in a way that implies our own superiority.

“It generally involves some kind of haughty tone, but condescension also almost always involves a passive-aggressive behavior,” Headlee says.

“In other words, when you are condescending to someone as in, ‘Bless your heart,’ you are putting on a false persona of kindness but beneath that is that clear message of superiority. You’re treating them in a way that shows that they are an inferior.”

That's never a good way to approach others.

And, it's just not an effective way of getting a point across. When you communicate that you think you're superior to someone, the person you're talking to reacts to the way you've presented the information, instead of the content of the message itself.

Here are some commonly used condescending phrases we may be saying without realizing their impact.

1. ‘Oh, how cute.’

“‘That’s cute’ can come off as belittling,” according to Southern California psychotherapist Elisabeth Crain. "It’s also not appropriate or helpful to label things like someone’s understanding of something or effort to try to do something as ‘cute.’”

Other variations, including “that’s sweet” or the Southern “bless your heart,” can also come across as condescending at times.

2. ‘Well, actually...’ (or other mansplaining verbiage)

This one feels a little odd for me as a man to explain so don't take it from me. Headlee says mansplaining is one of the more common examples of condescension.

It’s “when you explain something to somebody that they either are already an expert in or that doesn’t really need to be explained, that they clearly know,” she says. “You often use really simplified language.”

Phrasing may differ based on the situation, but a man chiming into a conversation with a woman to say “well, actually” and proceeding to lecture her on something obvious or something she already knows a great deal about is a classic example.

3. ‘You’re trying your best.’

“At times, this can be a genuine consolation, but it can also be patronizing, especially if the tone doesn’t match the sentiment,” according to writer Phoebe Mertens “It can sound like they’ve set low expectations and are surprised that the person managed to meet even those.”

4. ‘You just need to...’

Giving someone definitive advice on how to live their life sure has a way of coming off as condescending

Saying things this way “implies that the person’s current way is wrong” and that you know better, Crain says.

“Anything that suggests a definitive way of doing things can be perceived as condescending because it puts pressure on the message. ‘Perhaps’ softens that pressure."

5. ‘It’s not that big of a deal.’

This kind of response is both minimizing and invalidating, Oregon psychologist Scott Rower notes. It implies that just because you don’t think it’s important, the other person shouldn’t either, discounting their experience and feelings on the matter.

6. ‘You wouldn’t understand.’

Or it might be phrased like, “You wouldn’t get it” or “You don’t get it, do you?”

Phrases like these signal that you don't think the person you're saying this to is smart enough to figure out something or understand an experience that's not their own. That is usually a faulty assumption and always arrogant.

HAPPY WEEKENDING TO ALL!

Like we do every Thursday, we're sharing some fun stuff for your weekend.

It's getting to that time of the year when comfort food calls to me even more than usual. I love a good burger and if you do too, check out this guide to the most loved regional burger styles in America!

Slugburger, anyone?

Being from the Springsteen-loving, car-obsessed state of New Jersey, I can't resist sharing this list of the 50 Most Underappreciated Cars of All Time! And happy to report I've even owned one of them. This little wedge-shaped two-seater that was a whole lot of fun to drive and so easy to parallel park!

MY FIRST PODCAST

I was recently on a great new podcast as a guest. First time ever. Big thanks to Chris Bray for inviting me on his MalContent Revolution podcast and making it such a comfortable experience.

Our conversation is a good mix of looking backward with a POV informed by where we are now and more importantly, looking forward to where each of us may go next.

There's also talk about some of the more awkward pitch experiences I've had, one of which involved a very (very) angry NBA legend.

Please listen to or watch this and all of Bray's episodes.

Spotify ? https://lnkd.in/d7vgPDSj

Apple ? https://lnkd.in/d6k7E7qG

Youtube ?https://lnkd.in/d_inFRqF

Thank you!

THAT'S IT!

We're all done for today! In this edition, we...shared a great question to ask someone you're interviewing for a job and called out common phrases that can come across as condescending.

And, we passed along some fun stuff for your weekend!

We'll be back with a new edition on Tuesday! Until then, wishing you all a great weekend!

Thanks to you all for reading. Please let us know what you want more or less of. Please feel free to share information you’d like me to pass along to our readers. Also, always happy to feature guest contributors.

And of course, please like, subscribe, and share.

Hugely appreciated,

Marco