2020 - The Year Of Transformation

The pilot is talking in Turkish but i don't pay attention.. My headphones are plugged in with music on the highest volume. I put on my sunglasses to hide the eyes that are holding back the tears.. But I can't hold back anymore.. My tears are coming down my cheeks..

2019 - The beginning of something new

I had just finished my university studies at mid university and ended up with a Bachelor of Arts with a Major in Journalism, Three years of studies, internships, exams and parties, I was fed up with everything, I needed a break from everything. I wanted to get away from everything and everyone.. I wanted peace, love & happiness.. I went to Istanbul, Turkey. My trip in 2019 was amazing in every single area, the places I visited, the food I ate and the love and happiness I felt. I visited Ayasofya (Hagia Sofia), Galata Tower, Grand Bazaar, Princess Island. But my favourite place with miles ahead of the others was Fenerbah?e.

Newly graduated, filled with confident up to my ears and with a belief that I could conquer the world. It might have been cocky but I believed in myself and I had no reason not to, I had succeeded with everything I truly wanted so far. Now I wanted that job that would give me the freedom that i sought, that job that would allow me to go to Turkey one week each month as long as I got the job done to spend my time with someone I love

But life had something else in store for me, a different path filled with challenges, lessons to be learned and growth. I became one amongst the others, I became unemployed.

Days became weeks, weeks became months and months became a year. I could have taken a random job just for the sake of having a job but it wouldn't benefit my journey in journalism. So I decided to apply to journalism jobs only and hope and pray that eventually a company would take a chance on me and give me a chance to prove to them that i have what it takes, even if I lack the amount of experience that others might have. My optimism slowly faded away and turned into frustration and anger.

I went on interviews and they all said the same, "We'll get in touch with you even if we decide not to move forward with your application" But I learned that it's just empty words. I always had to call or email them to get the information.. I think everyone deserves to get informed even if they're not picked. Time went by and I continued to apply for jobs but got replied with "Hi we are sorry to inform you that we have decided to move on with other applicants with more experience" 

Employer, one question. How can someone get more experience if they never get a chance to get more experience? Someone who lacks a great amount of experience can still be a better employee than a person who has ten years of experience. It's not about experience, it's about their qualities and what they can bring to the company.

Being unemployed taught me a lot. I'm in general a very optimistic person but it slowly faded away and got replaced with anger and frustration because of the situation. It affected the people closest to me, my mood could switch so easily, I could be calm but explode for no reason. The second thing I learned is that you enter a very dark place, you start to question yourself and doubt your qualities.. Am I good enough? What am I doing wrong? You start to believe that you'll never find a job... The last thing I learned is how annoying and irritating it's when everyone around you is asking "How's it going with your job search?" and the only thing on your mind is a job, which sites increase my possibility to get that job that I'm desiring..

The year that changed the play rules for all of us

31st of December 2019 and the clock is almost twelve and the new year is finally here, I was more than ready to leave 2019 and all the difficult moments behind me. I held a glass of champagne and wished to manifest two things into a reality, Go to Turkey and get a job that would enable me to go there one week each month. I finished the glass of champagne and went to bed and played my favourite song Runaway with Ziggy Alberts.

Days passed by and I continued to apply without any luck, but something else started to be the topic everyone discussed which also made it harder to get a job... Covid-19 was here and had no intention to leave anytime soon. Country after country went into lockdown, China, Italy, Spain, France, Turkey and many more. Companies after companies shutdown or fired their employees to stay alive. This made it harder for all the job searcher around the world.. February to May was filled with late nights filled with tears and more tears.. I could sit in my room with no lights except one candlelight and the light from my computer screen. I looked at all my pictures from last summer and always broke down in tears.. Sometimes you realize how much you value something when you can't have it.. That happened to me..

May arrived, seasons changed, from spring to summer and countries slowly opened up again, everything and everyone started to get more alive again, me included. The optimism and creativity returned and I started to think of new ways to reach my goals. Sometimes we can have the right tools but lack knowledge in how to use them correctly, this was LinkedIn for me... It would take me a few months to fully understand the power of LinkedIn.

Let's fast forward to the 3rd of July. I'm on a plane to Turkey, something that seemed impossible a few months back but is now a possibility and I didn't think twice before booking the trip. But with my decision came confrontations and discussions because of the pandemic but I had made my mind up and I always trust my intuition, it has taken me this far and it will never let me down.

My intention with my trip to Istanbul was simple, I needed time away from everything and everyone and time to reflect on my year that has gone since my last visit. I also desired to find my path to reach my deepest desires. I arrived at Ba?ak?ehir at 10 pm with no signal on my phone and almost zero battery and I tried to communicate in Turkish with the guards to the hotel because they couldn't or refused to communicate in English.. I started to become more frustrated when I suddenly hear someone talking in English who walks out of the hotel. I asked if he could help me and he gladly helped me, his name was Abdalla. We arrived at my apartment on the 13th floor, room 163 with a balcony with a view over the whole city.

I knew I had to spend my time well, so I decided to revisit some of the places I visited the year earlier. I went to Ayasofya (Hagia Sofia) and it's such powerful energy around this place, but it's different this year. Normally this place is filled with people from every single corner of the world, but now it's almost empty. That gave me the chance to sit down and embrace the place to the fullest. Many times in life we rush through things to get to somewhere else instead of enjoying the present moment. so that's what I did.

I started to reflect on the year that passed, so many failures, mistakes and tough moments have led me to where I'm today. I haven't got the job I wanted and is dreaming for, I didn't go one week each month to Turkey as I wished to do. I didn't succeed with any of my targets. Maybe one of my biggest failures so far and it taught me one important thing, don't be afraid to FAIL. We will fail again and again, but the key is to never stop pushing forward. Eventually, we will have a ground to stand on that won't break for anything, We will be as solid as Hagia Sofia. If a person is afraid of Failing, then the person is afraid of succeeding as well. If you failed the first time, fail again and eventually, you'll learn how to succeed. F.A.I.L = First attempts in learning.

I arrived at Hagia Sofia a few days before it was announced that it went from a museum to a mosque again. Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, the founder of the modern Turkish state, made the ancient building a museum in 1935. I don't know the future of Hagia Sofia but I know that everything will be alright and that everything happens for a reason. I spent a few hours next to this beautiful building looking around for the most beautiful area close to the mosque for a future event.

I went to Turkey to disconnect from everything and everyone, but I hadn't forgot the job search. Abdalla a person I spent a great amount of time with, talking about life, religion, culture differences and LinkedIn. He taught me a lot about LinkedIn and the importance of connecting with people and publish things, in my case articles or texts. I started connecting with everyone and applied to more jobs than ever before, I knew that the percentage of me getting them were small but if I don't dare to shot because of fear to miss, so will I never score. I applied to jobs all over the world, In Europe and the middle east but i have a soft spot for middle east and Dubai in particular. I think the Middle East would be benefiting for my future development as a journalist, I would expand my network, improve as a journalist and interview people with stories to be told. Time went by, my network grew and I started to see the benefits with LinkedIn if it's used in the right way. I could sit for a few hours just connecting with people and apply for jobs.

One night like many others I made myself some pina colada's and started to reflect on different topics and this night I was thinking on the importance to live a life you want to live because it's YOUR LIFE. Today we live in a society where people are afraid of other peoples opinions, what will people think if I do this or that? Some people live their whole in fear of opinions and end up not living the life they want to live. If you want to marry a person from a different country with different religion, DO IT. It's your life, and if others can't accept you being happy, then close the door for them and open up a new door for others to enter.

Maybe you want to move to a different country to work, or maybe you want to go on that trip around the world you dreamt about, do it. We don't have unlimited time on planet earth so we have to spend it carefully, spend it on people you love and who fill you with energy. Pursue that job that is lower paid but makes you happy rather than a job that is highly paid but makes you unhappy. YOU'RE THE DIRECTOR OF YOUR LIFE.

I concluded that life is too short to spend it surrounded by people who A) Doesn't make YOU happy B) Don't appreciate you for being YOU C) Want YOU to live life accordingly to them. I also concluded that you should never change your passion for glory. If your passion brings you glory then be happy and if not be happy as well. If you're living a life filled with Peace, Love & Happiness so have you won in life.

My time went by quickly and I travelled a lot but I hadn't been to the place that has my heart, Fenerbah?e. I wanted a place where I could be alone to reflect on everything that has happened and I knew exactly where to go, Fenerbah?e park which is next to the sea, The sea is a perfect place to go to if you need to clear your mind. I sat down on the same bench as one year ago, much has changed since then both globally and personally but the bench is still here.

We have been through a pandemic, a pandemic that has affected us all in different ways, some of us had to face our demons others their fears of dying others the fear of not knowing when they could see their loved ones.. We have all been affected in different ways but we have made it so far and grown from it and realized how strong each one of us is.

I dealt with my happiness, I sought happiness outside of myself, I wanted that job to feel happy and I wanted to be in Turkey so I could be closer to my girlfriend but I failed to realize that I don't need anything of those things to turn into a reality. It would help me to find my happiness but my happiness is mine and it should only be depending on me and nothing or nobody else. There're millions of reasons not to be happy today. I'm not where I want to be in term of my career and I failed to visit Turkey as frequently as promised.. But I'm healthy and have a place to stay at and my loved ones are healthy and safe. Not everyone can say that unfortunately so for that reason I should be happy. Like Bob Marley once said " Don't worry about a thing 'Cause every little thing gonna be alright" so for that reason no one should worry about anything because every little thing is gonna be alright in the end.

My five weeks had come to an end.. I entered the plane that is gonna take me back to Sweden... I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I can't stay forever, I have places to go to and people to meet. The pilot is talking in Turkish but I don't pay attention.. My headphones are plugged in with music on the highest volume. I put on my sunglasses to hide the eyes that are holding back my tears.. But I can't hold back anymore.. My tears are coming down my cheeks.

But it's not tears of sadness or disappointment, it's tears of happiness and fulfilment. I'm going back to Sweden again but it's different this time. Last time I had millions of questions like; How will I reach my goals? When will I go back? Etc.. I don't have all the answers this time around either. I didn't find a job and I don't know when I will go back again. BUT I found something more important, I found my happiness within myself and a direction to head in. That's something that can't be bought for money.

It's okay to not have all the answers or know how everything will turn around, but that's what makes life worth living, the happiness you feel when a situation you thought would never change, turns around for the better. IF you knew how you would reach the goals that you have in life, would you enjoy life more or less? The answer is less if you ask me, the surprises and unexpected changes for the better is what makes life beautiful.

Would I go through it all again to come to this point again, YES I would, because I have learned so many valuable life lessons which makes it worth it. But I would give myself one advice: " Don't worry about a thing 'Cause every little thing gonna be alright"

Edwin Handler