2020 Year in Review - Part 4

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October was jam packed with demos and a lot of sales activity for the two early-stage startups I was involved with. There were also scheduled job interviews, at least one per week, which was hopeful considering the earlier part of my unemployment had zero job interviews. October also brought the wrapping up of my book and the waiting for my book to be printed. The weeks in between those momentous occasions in my life were the times I went through depression.

My depression came unexpectedly (actually, I don’t know who expects depression) and I couldn’t predict how I would feel each day.  People would ask, “how are you doing.” It was interesting to see their response when I would say, “not good. I’m depressed. Some days I just start crying and don’t know why.” Talk about awkward silence. I don’t blame them though, how are you to respond when someone tells you they are suffering from depression?

The one thing I will say is no matter how I felt, I kept moving forward. Sure, it was like running a fifteen-minute mile when you know you can run an eight-minute mile, it was still moving forward though. And that’s a key thing to remember when you are feeling this way. Continue to move forward. For me, I still did my 4 AM Daily Wake Up Podcast, still woke up in the four AM hour, still took cold showers, and still applied for jobs. As hard as it was, I was always moving forward. Full transparency, my faith in God had everything to do with my constant movement. Without Him, and my belief in His sending of His son Jesus Christ, I would have kept snowballing in depression and most likely been suicidal. These difficulties all happened within days of having my first book published. That’s another reason you keep moving forward. You have no idea how close you are to turning that corner in your life. Keep moving forward. 

October ended with my self-publisher, BookBaby.com coming through in the clutch and overnighting fifty hardcover copies to Seattle for no additional charge. I landed in Seattle hours after my books had arrived for a four-stop book signing tour. It was great to catch up with old friends.

As I headed into November, I wondered how this depression would intersect with turning fifty years old. I told my kids, “I am living my worst fear. My worst fear is not providing for the family. Currently, I’m not providing for you in the way I know I must. Please be patient with me.” I’ve always been transparent with my family. My wife would say I’ve been transparent with the entire planet – that’s another conversation for another day.

Everything seemed to turn around with a job opportunity I had from a referral who knows my LinkedIn content. “Finally!” I thought to myself. I have an interview based on my merits and not my resume. The interview went great. There was immediate rapport with the hiring manager, and he was looking for me all along. He needed someone with strong sales and emotional intelligence skills. The base salary was actually an increase from my previous job by more than fifteen percent. “This is it!” I told Lindsay. “This is why God has closed all the doors previously!” We began praying as a family. My youngest daughter would ask for an update on a daily basis. My parents and brother’s family, and those in our life group, also prayed that I would receive favor from this new job opportunity.  

The next step was to speak to hiring manager peers. I looked them up on LinkedIn and reached out to let them know I was excited for the opportunity. In my inbox, I received an invitation from the company to take a cognitive assessment test. The purpose of the test was to find out how good a candidate is in solving problems. The instructions were clear, and they even gave me a link to take a practice test. I clicked the practice test link and started answering the first question. It showed five patterns and I needed to find the odd one out. The second question was the same type only I had to find the two that didn’t match.

The third question asked that I find the answer that completes the logical sequence matrix correctly.

The fourth question required I select the answer that completes the matrix.  

I was moving along feeling great until a popup revealed I had run out of time. “Out of time?” I said out loud. I was only on the fourth question of the twenty-question practice test. I reread the instructions given to me from the automated email which read:

·     The second section is the Cognitive Aptitude Assessment, or CCAT. This assessment consists of 50 questions, which you are given 15 minutes to complete (this gives you only 18 seconds per question, so try not to get stuck on any one question).

·     Try to get through all 50 questions if possible. The goal is to get as many correct as you can.

·     If you find yourself stuck, guess! A wrong guess is scored the same as an unanswered question, so you might as well try to get it right.

Eighteen seconds per question!

I reached out to the person who referred me to the job and let him know that although patterns and matrixes are fun to look at, it takes some time for my brain to process the imagery due to my dyslexia and ADHD.  He understood where I was coming from and gave some great advice. “Take the practice test over and over again until you get it right. Then take the company test.” I did exactly what he suggested, I took the practice test until I answered every answer correctly. I was now ready to take the real test.

On Friday, November 20, I took the test and made sure to answer each question as quickly as I could. When the timer expired, I had answered forty-five of the fifty questions.  Knowing I didn’t do as well as others, I made sure to message the hiring manager, letting him know that 1.  I completed the test and 2. my problem-solving talents are when I can speak to people involved in the problem. None of the questions had people as part of the equation. He replied back that he forgot about the test and would ping me when he heard the results.

It was Thursday, November 26, Thanksgiving Day and my fiftieth birthday (Sidebar – we played our annual turkey bowl with family and friends for which I scored two touchdowns. That’s a touchdown scored in four decades my friends ?) that I received an email from the company that read: Thank you for the time and effort you put into applying for our position. While it was a tough decision, the team has selected another candidate to move forward with.     

Ouch.

More than being bummed by the rejection email, my first thought was, “who works on Thanksgiving? It must be an auto-generated email.” Rejection is a natural part of working in sales and I looked at this in a positive light. I told Lindsay, “this is actually a great opportunity for me stand out. A way to show them how I respond to receiving a not interested.”

I sent a note to the hiring manager and we scheduled a call for Tuesday, the 1st of December.  On the call, he explained that even though he was in control of hiring his staff, all candidates had to pass the cognitive assessment test first. Test results come back as a pass/fail and don’t reveal a score or how much you answered correctly. I understood and appreciated his empathy related to my situation. You see, I had failed the test.

When I gave the sobering news to Lindsay, I wasn’t disappointed, I was angry. I wasn’t angry at the company for having such a ridiculous policy of not allowing a hiring manager to hire someone who is a good fit because of a failed test of puzzles, I was angry with myself.  I had been in a funk for too long now and missed an opportunity to provide for my family. Remember? Not providing for my family is my greatest fear. A fear I’m currently living. What could I do though? My belief and trust in God gave me peace about the future, it’s the present that I need peace with.

If you’ve read my book, you’ll know from the introduction that anger sparked personal action in 2018. If you haven’t read my book, what are you waiting for? You got it, now go READ it. If you don’t have it, send me a direct message and let’s take care of that today.

What did I do back in 2018? I started reading. Significantly. I read sixty books in 2018 and one hundred books in 2019. “What was my count for 2020?” I thought to myself. When I looked at my reading list for 2020, I found that I had read 81 books from January to November. “With only a month left in the year, do I go for reading 100 books again? In back-to-back years?”  Reading twenty books in a month earlier this year was difficult, could I do it again? These thoughts raced through my mind as I sat in my chair stewing over a missed opportunity. “No, I’m not going to read twenty books this month, I’m going to read a book a day for thirty-one days.” I said nodding my head.

There is a lot to be angry about with 2020. Trust me, I hear you, shoot, I am you. So many of us have reasons to be angry. Anger is a great ignitor to change. Think about when you start your car. A car starts with the ignition. An ignition is the firing up of something, usually an engine. Without ignition, your vehicle isn’t going anywhere. Ignition means something is catching fire. By turning the key in your car, you are igniting a fire to start the car.

As valuable as anger is to ignite something, it cannot be the fuel. You can’t move forward without fuel. Anger is not the fuel that moves you. There has to be a greater purpose when moving forward than anger.

By not passing a cognitive assessment test, I got angry and committed to reading a book a day in the month of December. Today is December 31, 2020 and I’ve read 37 books so far. Today, I will read three books. I am going to double up on my greatest month of books read by reading forty books this month. My fuel to reading these books about sales, Christianity, leadership, parenting, and marriage, isn’t anger. My fuel is to learn how to be a better sales professional, a better Christian, leader, parent, and husband. My purpose is to improve who I am as a person.

Without anger there is no igniting of fire. I needed the anger to ignite my fire. Without the right fuel though an ignited car doesn’t move the way it was designed. Anger is not the right fuel.

As we head into 2021, take all the anger you have about 2020 and let it ignite the fire to start your movement forward. Fill your tank with the highest rated fuel of purpose in your life. Without the right fuel in your life you’ll experience reduced fuel efficiency, your engine will stall, you’ll have lack of acceleration, and your check engine light will be on for everyone to see.

If you are having trouble finding the right fuel in your life, read my book.