2020: A Year of Hard Lessons

Care Taking versus Taking Care

This past year has forced every individual to think through work priorities differently. Whether it’s working from home, leading a remote team, losing or starting a job and every single thing in between….the rules, the boundaries and the norms have changed and will continue to shift. 

I started off the year in a beautiful office space looking West to the setting sun over the mountains with the Seattle skyline and glittering buildings all around. I lamented what traffic awaited me on my commute home and had a full plate of leadership challenges. 

As our clients all moved to home offices (couches, bedrooms, and small nooks), so did our staff and our consultant team members. For many, the transition was seamless, as they had often or exclusively worked from home. Others were new to the workforce, had exclusively worked from client sites, or struggled to find a rhythm with all the distractions of home.  

As Spring 2020 gave way to Summer of 2020, the fatigue of grief coupled with the racial injustices we are all reckoning with, I wanted to “mother everyone”. Let me just say that I have two children, who are both in their teens: a college and high school freshman. In the past 18 plus years, I have frequently “over mothered”. When faced with a challenge, a disability, or an obstacle I would “Type A” it. 

For me that looks like ACTION….so. much. action. 

In fact, in my effort to act, to do, to make a difference; I would frequently miss the opportunity to listen, to grieve, to feel all my feelings and then move to a manageable plan of action. 

In fact, I would get so darn busy care taking my babies, that I would forget to take care of myself. 

Every mom reading this, and many dads for that matter, will nod in knowing agreement. While it’s entirely appropriate for parents to “care take” their littles, that pattern can easily find its way into the business world. In fact, I can say with certainty that I have been guilty of and even relished in care taking my team members. 

In the past year, I wanted to do everything in my power to “fix things”. Whether it was wrestling with kids learning from home, figuring out how to talk about race and social injustices as a White woman, or making sure every single person could feel every feeling all the time, and I would “be there” for them in any possible way they needed. 

I could spend the next few paragraphs listing where I have gone wrong in 2020, but I would rather focus on what I have learned this past year. 

My biggest lesson has certainly been about how I can take care of all my people. My well-intentioned ideas often created more problems that I would have imagined.

Here’s what I know:

There is a very big difference between “care taking” and “taking care of”. Indulge me here a little bit. Care taking can, and often does fulfill the desire to be needed. However, for me care taking has been both self-destructive and harmful to others. 

As I see it:

• Care taking assumes that I know what is best for another person (namely one of my employees), which is usually far from the truth. 
• Care taking is like a magnet for those in need, which can fulfill a dysfunctional need to be needed. (whew- a mouthful and NOT a sustainable or scalable business practice)
• Care taking leaves me feeling exhausted, stressed, and underappreciated, which in turn makes me feel selfish. (I don’t really need anything extra to judge myself about)

“Taking care” of my team, my employees and my family has an entirely different resonance. 

Taking care allows me to create a space of compassion, empathy, and empowerment. I can hold people as able or as I like to say assume, I have hired “fully formed adults” without forgetting that each story, each relationship and each person is unique and different. 

I can honor the differences, I can invite people into my community, without “over mothering” everyone. In fact, taking care of people naturally leads to better care of my business and the bottom line. 

Taking care of individuals looks and feels differently to me:

• Taking care of “my people” means providing information AND boundaries. As one of my trusted advisers Debbie Page has pointed out: "No, is a full sentence."
• Taking care means I trust people to problem solve, and for them to come to me for help or guidance not to “solve their problems”
• Taking care leaves me feeling more grounded, satisfied, and sure of my own leadership; even when I have to do or say hard things
• Taking care of my people means taking care of myself- in all things: spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally. This one continues to be a challenge, and will surely be a key goal for 2021.

As we move into the next year and beyond, I want to do so with clear eyes, and a compassionate heart in my business and partnerships. I do not want to confuse this intention with the desire to "make it okay" for everyone I encounter. Making it “okay”, as it turns out, is an inside job. 

Your manager, your coworker or your CEO is not in charge of your individual happiness. Just as my clients, consultants and staff are not responsible for mine. We are each responsible for taking good care- so we better know what that means for each of us. I invite you to start with yourself, then your circle, and finally with each person you encounter in work, play and life.

Business is far better when we each bring our full selves to the party; which is entirely possible when we stop care taking, and begin taking care.

What does “taking care” look like for you, your team, and your business?

Jonni Ressler is the CEO of Eleven 11 Solutions and believes successful marketing is another form of storytelling and that Relationship is Everything. A natural connector, Jonni has built a multimillion-dollar consulting business by matching hiring managers with top talent across the United States. Her consultancy is ruthlessly committed to creating a business built on Grit, Gratitude, and Grace.

When she's not leading Eleven 11 Solutions, and actively supporting her family and their respective interests, you can find Jonni on stage doing Improv (well, pre and post COVID anyway .)