2020 was the best year of my life. You can make 2021 yours.

So New Year's Day was a pretty big day for me. One year ago, I decided to do the most difficult thing I have ever done, live 2020 sober. No alcohol. Cold turkey.

There were a lot of reasons why I took this step, but most importantly, it was because I felt like I had to in order to return to my true self.

I had a problem. I was living a lie.

I didn't know what I was lying to myself and others about, but I had to find out. I don't know if other people noticed it was a problem (I am sure they did), but for me, based on what I wanted to accomplish in life and the man I wanted and needed to be, it was a problem. A big problem.

To be honest, I had tried to quit in the past...numerous times. I was never able to keep it going. I inherently have a pretty high need for approval and I like to be liked and, well...the social pressures from friends and the joy I associated with drinking was just so hard to overcome.

Three years ago, I shared privately (for the first and only time) with someone I really admired and respected that I thought I might be an alcoholic (whatever that is), and the first thing he did was talk me out of it and convince me that I didn't have a problem and that my relationship with alcohol was totally normal. He thought he was helping me...but it is the worst advice I have ever received. It convinced me, for two more years, to keep up with my bullshit.

As I made this decision, I agonized about how I would answer the question, "So why did you quit? Were you an alcoholic? Can you not handle your alcohol? Could you not control it? Once you start, can you not stop?"

I knew that it was the only habit I had in my life that wasn't serving that would be put under the microscope every single time I turned down a drink. And, I was totally right about that! In fact, I was asked that direct question in front of about a dozen family members this summer and I froze. I had no idea what to say….part of me wanted to say, “how long do you have? Take a seat and I will walk you through it!” Ha!

Not knowing how to answer those questions, not knowing what other people would think, and being afraid of losing the approval of people that I had previously regularly drank with was paralyzing to me.

I had to listen to podcasts and audio books every day for the first couple months. I had to convince myself that people would love me for me and that, in the end, they really wouldn't care about it. And that all made a lot of sense to me, intellectually…but not emotionally.

In the end though, 2020 was the greatest year of my life. Of course, the pandemic made things really difficult at times, but overall, for an entire year....I was just me. No booze, no numbing of the pain, no drowning out anxiety, no drinking to be the "more fun" version of me.

I learned more about myself, about how the brain works, how our emotions drive our every single decision, and about self-love and acceptance more in 2020 than I had in the previous 33 years of my life. I developed habits that were loving to me and that helped me grow more than I ever could’ve dreamed possible. I had a clarity and conviction of purpose for an entire year, 100% uninterrupted.

I was able to be the man my family deserved from day one....the promise I had not delivered on up to that point.

I am sharing this because for most people that knew me, they would've not thought I had a problem. And they would've never known the years (literally) I had been thinking about it, shaming myself for it, and trying to hide from people.

The alcohol wasn't the problem. It was a symptom of a MUCH bigger problem...a problem I have found everyone faces, one way or another. The struggle to feel worthy, feel accepted, and feel loved.

By sharing this, I want to let you know that if you are struggling with something, anything, never hesitate to show compassion and empathy to YOURSELF and then hold yourself accountable to do what is loving to you and the people around you, no matter how hard it may seem. You have to dig deep and love yourself enough to do this.

I wrote this post, because I want to remind you that no matter what issues you are facing in life, you are amazing, and you have greatness within you.

You can accomplish whatever you want in this life, and the approval, expectations, and bullshit that others or that society tries to heap upon you is just that, bullshit.

Be true to you. The person you were born as. The child that was loving, kind, helpful, caring, energetic and compassionate. It is still inside of you; it's just gotten more and more buried over the years.

You were born as a 10/10. Nothing has changed. You have an unlimited capacity to love and receive love in return and I want you to remember that.

If you ever need help with anything, you need to talk, or you need advice for any challenge you're experiencing, please never hesitate to reach out to me.

Life is hard sometimes. And there are so many things I wish I had the courage to share with someone before now.

If you need someone, my family and I are here for you, always.