The 2015 Fantasy Football Lover's Guide to Your Salesforce

Each year, a few key players will decide the fates of your sales force and your fantasy football team. This is your scouting report. [Read on the Ambition Blog].

If you work in sales and you love Fantasy Football, well, you've come to the right place. 

Last August, we published our first-ever Fantasy Football Lover's Guide to Your Salesforce, which profiled 20 archetypal personas that transcend both Sales and Fantasy Football. 

The goal: To help you identify the key performers on your sales and/or fantasy team. 

This year, we're turning the 2015 Guide into a week-long series, covering 30 total archetypes.

Each day this week, we'll profile a different tier of performer, starting today with "Team Leaders."

To help illuminate things, we're providing an "NFL doppelganger" for each archetype, plus a list of telltale signs to look for. 

The Bottom line: We're about to go Mel Kiper, Jr. on the average American Sales Force. Onto the 30 archetypes.

Part I. Team Leaders

The following six archetypes can be found leading sales teams and Fantasy Football squads year after year. 

These are your Generals. Your de facto "Team Captains." As they go, so goes your team. 

1. The Apex Predator

Got the best-of-the-best leading your Sales Force? Congratulations, you're running sales offensives with an Apex Predator.

The rarest breed of leaders, Apex Predators deliver it all. Quota-crushing performance. Unparalleled leadership. Respect that permeates every level of your organization.

He or she is the most elite level of your company's personnel, a treasured asset envied by every one of your competitors.

2015 NFL Doppelganger: Aaron Rodgers

 

I traded Aaron Rodgers once, mid-season, back in 2011. My league-leading squad quickly fell to pieces faster than Meek Mill's career this summer and as further punishment, I got to watch A-Rodge and co. beat my Pittsburgh Steelers in a gut-wrenching Super Bowl.

I watched that game from a rowdy, jam-packed bar on Pittsburgh's famous Southside. At its conclusion, the entire bar exited in silence and I discovered that my friend had vomited all over my coat. I blame Rodgers for that, too.

You don't mess with an Apex Predator. 

Signs You May Be The Apex Predator: 

• No one messes with you.
• You have a signature celebration that everyone -- even your sworn enemies -- began to mimic.
• You one-up previous year's Apex Predators by releasing better commercials.
• Your potential to switch teams/companies triggers bidding wars that quickly escalate out of control, and no one begrudges those involved.
• You've dated both Erin Andrews and Olivia Munn or the male-equivalents of both Erin Andrews and Olivia Munn. 

2. The Polarizing Leader

A truly special Polarizing Leader wields one of two special powers:

1. A flair for being dramatic.
2. A personality that evokes strong feelings from everyone he or she contacts.

The great thing about Polarizing Leaders is that, well, they're entertaining as hell.

And they can drive successful sales organizations, which is why roughly 38 Steve Jobs biopics are currently in various stages of production.

NFL Doppelganger: Jay Cutler 

Make no mistake boys and girls, Jay Cutler is no Steve Jobs. The Apple Co-Founder falls into the first category of polarizing leader, while Cutler falls into the second.

What they do have in common: They're both famous assholes who could care less what anyone what thought about them. 

Every remotely-controversial move Cutler makes gets magnified times 1000, becomes the subject of a meme, and makes me love him more. He almost led me to my first-ever Fantasy title last year -- until, in a classic Cutler move, he got benched by the Bears on the final week of the season.

Signs You May Be The Polarizing Leader:

• Your team members have gone on the record both effusively defending and attacking your character.
• You're getting ready to close out a stellar year, and your boss fires you.
• Everyone around you is just there to annoy you.

3. The Institution

Sales is the ultimate "What have you done for me lately?" profession, so this archetype is rare.

That being said, there are some elite sales professionals out there who have earned the title of company "Institution."

These are the gilded veterans of your Sales Force. Entering the twilight of their careers, they haven't lost a step.

And they've had such an impact on your organization, over such a long period of time, that their very name is synonymous with your organization's rise to success.  

NFL Doppelganger: Marshawn Lynch

 

Look at that face. That is the look of an Institution if I've ever seen one. Lynch is completely in his zone, munching on his Skittles, thinking about the half-dozen Eagles defenders he's going to stampede the next time he's handed the ball.

That's the thing about Institutions -- nothing fazes them.

Signs You May Be The Institution: 

• A tendency to be described as "savvy," "grizzled," or "gritty."
• Disdainful treatment of competitors and people who ask dumb questions.
• You are, in fact, "bout that action."  

4. The Workhorse 

Your team needs someone prone to massive periods of production and occasional flashes of brilliance -- the Workhorse was born to make that happen.

The Workhorse steamrolls through tasks and speedbumps prospect objections.

During organizational dry spells, he or she can be counted on to put the sales team on their back and close several crucial deals with high-value customers.

NFL Doppelganger: DeMarco Murray

 

DeMarco Murray epitomized the term, "Workhorse" during the 2014 season, rushing for nearly 2000 yards while averaging nearly 5 yards per carry.

The great thing about a Workhorse is their tenacity and consistency. The antithesis to Tony Romo in those regards, Murray eclipsed 100 yards in 12 games last year. 

Bottom line: Everyone loves a Workhorse.

Signs You May Be The Workhorse: 

• Everyone at your company loves, respects and appreciates your contributions to the team.
• Last year, everyone compared you favorably to your two incredibly skilled, yet embattled counterparts in Marketing and Customer Success. (Tony Romo and Dez Bryant)
• You excelled last year despite maintaining a heavy workload and operating in a franchise neck-deep in dysfunction.   

5. The Stat Machine

The Stat Machine is the one with gaudy numbers, but little else. They're a leader, in a sense, but not quite at a Championship level.

NFL Doppelganger: Tony Romo?

 

Boneheaded, inexplicable lapses in judgment. A tendency to go catatonic in the biggest moments. A borderline bipolar relationship with those who root for your team to succeed.

Yep, it's Tony Romo!

Look at this performance over the last 2 years: 1) 65 touchdowns to only 19 interceptions, 2) consecutive top 3 Fantasy rankings at the QB position, and 3) an even deeper lack of trust from everyone who relies on him.

Signs You May Be The Stat Machine: 

• You post a record-breaking month but close it out with several costly decisions that set your team back to square one.
• You've set the world on fire over the last 2 years and yet your sales organization feels like it's treading water.
• Your organization is run by a senile tycoon who thrives on hanging you out to dry.

6. The Cocky S.O.B.

This person is not inherently likeable -- not out to win any popularity contests. And by God, you will know that.

The Cocky S.O.B., in a sense, can be a huge asset. Hell, the Miami Hurricanes transformed a moribund college football program into a storied, multi-decade dynasty by choosing to recruit and cultivate Cocky S.O.B.'s. 

Ask any sales force leader, and they'll take a team of Cocky S.O.B.'s over a team of demure, sensitive and polite sales reps any day of the week. 

NFL Doppelganger: Phil Rivers

 

Who hasn't Phil Rivers yelled at over the course of his semi-illustrious career? Linemen, Referees, Norv Turner, even his own helmet have been on the receiving ends of this well-adjusted young man's tirades.

And yet, everyone talks about Jay Cutler the way they should be talking about Rivers. Why the difference? Cutler comes across as aloof, which is inexcusable in the minds of the mainstream sports media, whereas Rivers is just "fiery" and "passionate." 

And they're right, he is a fiery, passionate, cocky S.O.B.

Signs You May Be The Cocky S.O.B.:

• You believe that you lead by example - and that you're entitled to yell at whoever you damn well please.
• You're surrounded by idiots who are holding you and team back from achieving greatness - you've told them as such.
• Your performance could speak for itself, but where's the fun in that? 

 

Part II. Elite Performers

The following six archetypes can be found leading sales teams and Fantasy Football squads year after year. 

These are your top performers. Your alpha dogs. The men and women your organization counts on to deliver top-tier performance week in and week out.

And as we'll see with this group, they come in all shapes and sizes.

7. The Freak

If you're lucky, there's a guy on your sales team using a deadly combo of unorthodox methods and advanced skills to close deals and acquire new customers. 

People are amazed at the Freak's immediate impact & ability to contribute. Not only does this individual go above and beyond expectations, he or she shatters the limits once thought to apply to the position. 

Ex. "Jillian just closed a $10,000 deal with a tweet?!" 

NFL Doppelganger: Rob Gronkowski

 

Typically, your Tight End is putting up the 5th or 6th highest fantasy numbers for your team on a weekly basis.

Unless that Tight End's name is Ron Gronkowski and is liable to blow the doors off any defense he faces on any given week.

A physical specimen who plays with reckless abandon, Gronk is the field sales rep who just moseys into a random corporate office and walks out an hour later with a massive contract and a tee time with the company CEO that weekend. 

Signs You May Be The Freak:

• You're like the special forces of your sales unit -- they bring you in to close the deals others can't.
• Your cold emails get better response rates than most people get from their significant others.

8. The Petulant Superstar

Talented, yet mercurial. Passionate, yet insufferable.

Half your team hates the Petulant Superstar, but the results speak for themselves. Just put "team culture" aside for a minute and look at those numbers.

When you have someone this good, you have two options:

1. Make a statement by cutting this guy loose and worrying about replacing his or her productivity later.
2. Stay out of the damn way and let those profits keep rolling in.

NFL Doppelganger: Dez Bryant 

 

The only repeat Doppelganger from 2014!

12 months later, it's still true -- the NFL needs more people like Dez Bryant. From my 2014 writeup on Dear Ol' Dez (who crushed it last year for my Fantasy Squad): 

"Every Sunday for the next four months, we're all going to be treated to cutaways showcasing America's (Most Dysfunctional) Team.

That means shots of Dez making a ridiculous catch over three defenders, followed by him doing something insane. Dez Bryant could knock out his own Offensive Coordinator right there on the sideline and I wouldn't be surprised. This man has no limits."

None of that has changed.

Signs You May Be the Petulant Superstar:

• You put up record numbers and still can't get a golf invite with company Execs.
• You feel the need to berate someone, anyone, whenever a deal you're working on goes South. 
• You begin conversations about your direct supervisor with the phrase: "That idiot."
• You feel a strange kinship with Drake -- there's a guy that gets you.

9. The Rising Superstar

The pride and joy of every hiring manager and fantasy team owner, your rising superstar is the talented young pick-up that you swooped in and snagged.

Rising superstars in the sales world tend to be those who are hand-selected, then groomed into elite performers, thereby becoming the ultimate validation for their proud sales managers.

NFL Doppelganger: Leveon Bell

 

Did I call Leveon Bell being last year's Sleeper? Let me double check real quick ... what do you know, I did.

No longer anyone's Sleeper, Leveon is now a classic example of the "Rising Superstar."

I'm convinced that the Steelers could line Leveon up behind behind Carnegie Mellon's O-Line and he'd still shred NFL defenses like they're made of papier mache. 

Signs You May Be The Rising Superstar:

• Company leadership greets you by name in the hallway.
• You still have no clue who half of them are.

10. The Quiet Storm

This guy crept up on you. An inauspicious start begat a few years of steadily accelerating increases in performance. Then all of a sudden, you wake up one day and realize what you have.

That up-and-coming sales rep who suddenly defeats a hated competitor for a deal in humiliating fashion?

There's your Quiet Storm.

NFL Doppelganger: Antonio Brown

 

Your Quiet Storm will have moments like the above, where everyone suddenly lifts their heads and goes, damn, that guy/girl really might be a legitimate badass.

Antonio Brown's coming out party is case-in-point.

A 6th round draft pick who quietly developed in the shadows of Hines Ward and Mike Wallace, amidst constant controversy surrounding the team's offensive strategy and the relationship between new Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley and Ben Roethlisberger, Brown fully came into his own last year.

And yet, he'll still be underrated and/or overlooked by half of your Fantasy League during the opening rounds of this year's draft.

Signs You May Be The Quiet Storm:

• You execute at a high level, with minimal flash or fanfare.
• You work for a prestigious organization that takes success as a given.
• Your Dad and your predecessor are both industry legends, and yet, expectations about your capabilities have been tempered.  

11. The Humblebragger

So named because this person is probably the most annoying guy on your sales team.

And yet, he or she performs well enough that you have to begrudge respect, even while he or she manages to be a smarmy, gaping void of charisma. 

The Humblebragger's two key traits are 1) consistently above-average performance, and 2) a personality that screams mediocrity.

NFL Doppelganger: Joe Flacco

 

No, I've never heard Joe Flacco humblebrag, Yes, I know Joe Flacco is a Super Bowl MVP.

But facts are facts -- Joe Flacco has one of the least inspiring personalities in pro sports and, torrid 2012 postseason aside, the Joe Flacco Administration of the Ravens Offense has hardly set the football world on fire.

When your iconic, newly-retired teammate is taking passive aggressive shots at you, you qualify as a Humblebragger in my book.

Signs You May Be The Humblebragger:

• You literally Humblebrag. (Side note: R.I.P. Harris Wittels)
• Literally nothing about you is offensive -- and yet people still love to hate you.
• You perform just well enough to allow people to put up with you. 

12. Waiver-Wire Gold

Let's do a little experiment. Fantasy football team owners, can you name the person in your league that owned Odell Beckham, Jr. last season?

Of course you can, because whoever picked up Odell and his glorious hands struck Fantasy Gold in 2014, and likely ranked that move as a Top 5 personal highlight of 2014.

The sales equivalent of Waiver-Wire Gold is someone your company took a huge risk on -- who lacked experience, pedigree or anything resembling a track record of success -- and ended up capturing the hearts and minds of your entire company with their remarkable performance.

NFL Doppelganger: Odell Beckham, Jr.

 

Death-defying feats of skill! Dispatching of feckless competitors! Single-handedly redeeming a long-maligned team leader!

2014 was the Odell Beckham show -- from his first amazing catch onward, Odell went from a literal unknown in many Fantasy Leagues to the most terrifying guy on the opposing team's lineup come Playoff time.

Signs You May Be Waiver-Wire Gold:

• You've got next to no experience -- only the relentless hunger for money, love for the hustle and preternatural persuasive abilities.
• Your Marketing team consistently throws you abysmal excuses for qualified leads that you turn around and close in 3 meetings.

 

Part III. Core Performers

The following six archetypes can be found serving as mid-level performers on sales teams and Fantasy Football squads year after year. 

These are your middle 70 percent. Your unsung heroes. Your models of consistency and your under-the-radar "glue guys/gals." 

And in both your Sales and Fantasy teams, elevation in performance from your core performers spells good fortune and acts as a prerequisite to achieving an elite overall team.

13. Mr(s). Reliable

"Consistency is the essence of greatness," goes the old saying. And Mr(s). Reliable is the greatest asset in your team of core performers.

Adding some semblance of reason to the crapshoot that is often sales forecasting, Mr(s). Reliable anchors your team and acts as a divining rod for measuring team progress.

A favorite who sales leaders who know that Mr(s). Reliable does not require hands-on treatment or special attention to continue performing at a steady level.

NFL Doppelganger: Matt Forte 

 

Give Matt Forte credit -- for the last 7 years, his season rushing totals have fallen somewhere between 925 and 1350 yards.

In the NFL, where running backs face a constant injury threat, offensive strategies tend to be fluid from year to year, and personnel is endlessly changing, it takes a special kind of skill to obtain that kind of consistency.

Does that mean I'll ever be excited to draft Matt Forte?

Hell no. But if I do, it's almost a scientifically-proven fact at this point that I won't regret the decision.

Signs You May Be Mr(s). Reliable: 

• You're the type of person who never misses quota -- and never comes close to being your office's top earner.
• Managers constantly wonder if you're being under-utilized, underachieving, or just a step or two away from reaching the next level.
• Moments later, they say "screw it" and just give thanks that you're a mortal lock to hit next month's quota.

14. The Gym Rat

The Gym Rat compensates for a lack of natural gifts with a tireless work ethic and commitment to improving his or her skills.

Often described in one of the following ways: "scrappy," "driven," or "competitor." 

NFL Doppelganger: Russell Wilson

 

Something both Senior-Level Management and NFL analysts can't get enough of: Gushing over Gym Rats like they're patron saints of their professions.

And by God, Seahawks QB Russell Wilson is a Gym Rat if I've ever seen one.

He's also a lot more: Super Bowl MVP, tenacious downfield blocker, and a more athletic version of that overachieving Public Relations major you knew in college -- the one you vacillated between finding extremely enjoyable and incredibly obnoxious.

Signs You May Be The Gym Rat: 

• You're beloved by upper management for your scrappy work ethic, heartfelt enthusiasm and take-charge leadership.
• You're disdained by less-driven peers for your scrappy work ethic, heartfelt enthusiasm and take-charge leadership.
• Your last performance review led off with the sentence: "[Your name] is a scrappy, driven competitor."

15. The Late Bloomer

The Late Bloomer entered your company and proceeded to contribute several years of uninspiring, eminently forgettable service. Then something clicked.

Maybe a new man/woman entered the Late Bloomer's life and led to a renewed focus. Maybe (and most likely) a new supervisor came onboard and was able to tap into the Late Bloomer's inner talent and drive.

Whatever the case, the Late Bloomer has recently come alive and is finally delivering the inspired, high level of performance you always knew he/she was capable of giving.*

*Or you just lucked out big-time.

NFL Doppelganger: Matt Ryan

 

For the first few years of his career, Matt Ryan was little more than an average fantasy player with a cool nickname. (And many would argue that "cool nickname" is being generous here). 

But now? It's Matty Ice! The Iceman! The QB our CEO just way overpaid for as a keeper in our work league! ($35 out of your $200 budget, Travis?? Really??)

Point being -- Matt Ryan is the quintessential late bloomer.

(Worth noting: That gif came from a 2012 article with the sub-header, "Matt Ryan is producing, and still no one seems to notice." .... which is what happens when you're a late bloomer).

Signs You May Be The Late Bloomer: 

• It's taken five years, but your supervisors are suddenly very interested in what type of golf game you have.
• Your Dad has started making eye-contact with you again.

16. The Specialist

The Specialist is really good at one thing.

In fact, he or she is so much better at that one thing that no one else in that particular department even comes close.

If you even think about picking someone else over this person to lead that department, then you need to be fired.

If you are this person and your manager has picked someone else over you to lead your department, you need to start emailing your resume around.

NFL Doppelganger: Chiefs Defense 

 

The glory of an Andy Reid-coached NFL team is that there will be moral certainties during his tenure -- terrible clock management,borderline existential suffering for fans who will briefly taste greatness but never actually see their team achieve it, and a badass defense.

Want to impress your friends with some NFL trivia from 2014?

The Chiefs Defense took more passes to the end zone -- 1 -- than any member of the Chiefs wide receiver corps, who failed to catch a single touchdown pass all season.

Signs You May Be The Specialist:

• You have a limited, but pivotal role within your sales team.
• Your managers are constantly trying to figure out ways to deploy your skill set in other areas of the company.

17. The "Real Crafty Player"

Someone whose methods are part of his or her madness. In the "Real Crafty Player's" warped mind, craftiness is the ultimate way to perfect one's craft. (Sorry).

Examples:

1. The sales rep. who takes pride in figuring out your competitors' major clients, and puts a little too much effort into trying to steal them away. 
2. The rep. who prefers to utilize rumors and slander, rather than fact, when pushing your product or service over a competitor's. 

NFL Doppelganger: Ben Roethlisberger 

 

In 11 years watching Ben Roethlisberger helm the Steelers QB position, the momentary transformations of Ben from lumbering, Dad-Body oaf into a deceptively agile, Defense-juking, sack-avoiding, drive-saving gamebreaker never cease to shock me.

It's as if, during a decade of operating behind an injury-riddled, breach-prone Offensive Line, the laws of evolution stepped in and actually improved Ben's cunning and dexterity with age.

I mean, look at the play above -- you get the feeling that sort of play-extending trickery is just second nature to him now.   

Signs You May Be The "Real Crafty Player": 

• You know how to "extend the play" with endangered deals, rescuing them from the brink and closing them out in ways that break the very will of your competitors.
• All the young hotshots around you are zipping around in their tailored suits and skinny ties. 
• Meanwhile, you're rolling up your rumpled sleeves in Fortune 500 offices just before handing the pen over to get the CEO's signature on your latest contract.

18. The Situation

Not to be mistaken for the unfortunate reminder of this century's cultural nadir, the Situation is someone with high levels of talent and potential, but is having his or her performance stunted due to surrounding circumstances. 

Maybe it's a talented, but woefully inexperienced young rep beginning their career on a bad team.

Maybe it's an Account Exec who can't go cradle to the grave with a prospect but needs (and lacks) stellar Business Development and Marketing teammates.

Maybe it's a top-performing Account Executive who got pushed into a VP of Sales role, even though he or she is ill-suited for the position.

Whatever the case, you're tempted to project high numbers for the Situation, but glaring issues related to the office culture, process and talent surrounding them suggest otherwise.

NFL Doppelganger: Ryan Tannehill

 

Uninspiring, though not terrible, performance levels? Clear signs of talent and toughness? A surrounding cast so bad at their jobs that certain initiatives are an affront to their very profession?

Welcome to the world of Ryan Tannehill!

Key point in this example -- the Situation comes with a grace period. 

I spent the 2013 NFL season living in Fort Lauderdale and watching my Uncle and Cousin discuss Tannehill with a sense of inevitable, impending doom. Like he was Ian Curtis from Joy Division, or something.

(Hushed murmurs) "So much potential -- but he won't last 3 more years with this Offensive Line."

Signs You May Be The Bad Situation:

• You're starting to realize that everything you've learned about sales is fundamentally wrong.
• You Googled your company and kept noticing the term, "Multi-Level Marketing."
• The Marketing team says it's job isn't to generate leads, but to "protect the brand." 

 

Part IV. Low Performers

The following six archetypes serve as thorns in the sides of Sales Teams and Fantasy Football squads year after year. 

These are your lower-tier performers. Their contribution is unevenly. Their success is sporadic.

And they're desperately in need of boosts to their motivation, skill set or expected date of release.

The good news: On both Sales and Fantasy teams, however, there's always hope for struggling performers. Just ask Peyton Manning.

19. The Bust 

Each year, sales hiring managers and Fantasy owners bet big on a few marquee names -- then watch with horror as their best-laid plans disintegrate.

Watching the downfall of a soon-to-be-infamous Bust is like witnessing the Hindenburg's slow descent, culminating with a fiery crash into the Titanic.

All the money, time and hope managers invest in their most memorable Busts evaporates into thin air -- though the trauma often lingers far longer. 

NFL Doppelganger: Montee Ball

 

Fantasy Football veterans can rattle off the most notorious names by year.

"2014 ... Adrian Peterson. 2013 ... C.J. Spiller. 2012 ... Michael Vick." (quiet sobs) 

And this year, I'm predicting that Montee Ball will break the hearts of Fantasy Owners the world over. Mark these words.

Signs You May Be The Bust:

• At least one person familiar with your performance has felt compelled to describe it as "soul-crushing."

20. Waiver Fodder

Unlike the classic "Bust," you should have known better than to take this guy.

Waiver Fodder is the person on your sales team all but begging to be let go. The individual with an acumen for apathy. A track record of tenuousness. A model of mediocrity.

Not everyone in sales is cut out for the profession, and the Waiver Fodder knows this better than anyone. 

NFL Doppelganger: Blake Bortles

 

This one shouldn't be hard to see coming, but as the B.A.C. levels and sensations of panic rise in Fantasy team owners, common sense notions like -- "If at all possible, never own a Jaguars Quarterback" -- go out the window.

Between the Jags grotesque post-Brunell track record with Quarterbacks (prepare to be appalled) and Bortles's equally grim 1st year numbers, I think it's safe to say you're better off going with even a Rookie QB like Mariotta or Winston. 

Basically, anyone who doesn't have the Jaguars stench on them.

Signs You May Be The Waiver Fodder:

• You spend your days at the office in a mixed state of fear and apathy.
• You've told at least one coworker, "I stopped caring about this job 6 months ago."
• You just got called into management's office "to talk."

21. The Hindsight Hero

Remember how good this guy was in 2011?? He absolutely killed quota that year!

Oh wait, it's 2015 and he spent most of last year scowling at senior management and complaining that he kept getting stuck with the worst territories. 

NFL Doppelganger: Fred Jackson 

 

Fabulous Freddy Jackson has been a Fantasy favorite of mine for years.

The oldest running back in the League, Freddy has spent the last half-decade churning out quality work for the Buffalo Bills -- the highlight being the 2013 season where he hilariously upstaged the massively overhyped C.J. Spiller in his bid to take over the Bills starting RB job.

You won't recall a period where Fred Jackson was overhyped -- probably because, after 3 seasons as an NFL pro, he had exactly 1 game with over 100 rushing yards.

Fast forward a few years, and Freddy Fabulous is the most accomplished Bills offensive player since -- actually, I'm not even going to try to figure that out.

Now with all that said -- this ain't 2013. It was a good run, Freddy. #BillsMafia

Signs You May Be The Hindsight Hero: 

• This conversation looks uncomfortably familiar.

22. The Underachiever

Once you've achieved Hindsight Hero status, you're venturing dangerously close to "Underachiever" territory.

The Underachiever tag gets applied in one of the following two scenarios:

1. An established, elite performer suddenly and inexplicably tanks in productivity.
2. An elite talent enters the professional world with a pedigree signaling forthcoming greatness, only to embark on a career-long campaign of mediocrity. (Trent Richardson, you are on a perilous path right now).

Underachievers are among the most frustrating of all archetypes -- at least the Bust implodes in a way that's swiftly apparent.

By contrast, Underachievers keep companies hanging around longer in hopes of seeing those past flashes of greatness reappear. 

NFL Doppelganger: Andy Dalton

 

A couple of playoff appearances, some solid numbers and a fortuitous acquisition of A.J. Green gave Dalton a brief glimmer of that vaunted "upside potential" to Fantasy Owners.

I love listening to fellow Fantasy Owners talk themselves into Andy Dalton. It's the same one-sided conversation for going on three years now. 

"Tons of experience ... deep balls to A.J. ... people don't give him proper due because he's a Bengal/Redhead ... He's due for a breakout."

A month later: "THIS GUY [EXPLETIVE] SUCKS!!"

Signs You May Be The Underachiever: 

• Upper-management keeps having internal monologues where they talk themselves into you.
• Also, external dialogue.
• That becomes increasingly rife with profanity. 

23. The Problem Child

The talented young employee at your office who comes into one too many morning meetings smelling of booze and whoever he or she danced all over last night at Sparkles nightclub. 

In the NFL, there is many a talented young contributor whose proclivity for illegal substances, talking back to management, and spending frequent Wednesday nights at the club makes him a source of pervasive anxiety for Fantasy Owners.

Have someone at your office who regularly asks about drug tests but still has a job because he or she is too talented to replace?

Sounds like a classic sales team "Problem Child." 

NFL Doppelganger: Johnny Manziel

 

What was the sum of all fears for a Browns fan in 2014? Johnny Manziel's debut playing out as it did, complete with the slapstick hilarity shown above. 

Can a Problem Child be reformed? Absolutely.

Are you playing Franchise Russian Roulette by placing your team's future in one's hands? Ask your nearest Browns fan.  

Signs You May Be The Problem Child:

• During a company party at a local watering hole, you've had a peer take you aside and tell you to "take it easy" on ordering rounds of fireball and making increasingly emotional requests to hear "Tiny Dancer." 
• You've frantically researched your company's drug testing practices sometime in the last six months.  

24. The Full-Blown Villain

This rare gem of a person has it all.

He or she is a) talented, b) unlikeable, c) arrogant, d) a spotty performer, e) a supposed leader, f) unreliable, g) highly-paid, h) a major influence over your team's performance and i) going to keep you up at night for the indefinite future.

It takes a lot to be a full-blown villain, and most sales forces (and fantasy teams) are lucky enough to be spared harboring someone who possesses each and every one of these traits.

But not all.

NFL Doppelganger: Robert Griffin III

 

 

If I'm a Washington Redskin, 2015 is the year I embrace the hapless villainy.

The much maligned RGIII is just the type of the iceberg. So is the controversy over the team's racist nickname.

You want a full-blown villain? Meet Dan Snyder, the most hateable man in all of sports. Case in point: He sued the publisher of the article I just linked to.

Signs You May Be The Full-Blown Villain:

• Every one, from your starting QB to your PR lackey to your plant in the local press, becomes the source of well-earned mockery and antipathy from the public at-large.
• Unlike, say, Hannibal Lecter or Darth Vader, you have no redeeming qualities.
• You generate not an ounce of respect from your peers. Just good ol' fashioned hatred.

 

Part V. X-Factors

The following six archetypes are, well, the X-Factors on Sales Teams and Fantasy Football squads year after year. 

These are your wildcards.

The personnel with the highest upside and the lowest downside. The people that make managing a Fantasy Football team and/or a Sales Force such an emotional roller coaster.

25. The Sleeper

Somewhere on your team, there is a stud-in-hiding just waiting to emerge as your company's savior and take you to the next level.

When that happens, you will pat yourself on the back and declare that you knew he or she had this kind of a potential all along, when in reality, you had no clue and just needed a warm body to fill this position on a limited budget.

NFL Doppelganger: Sammy Watkins

 

I called Leveon Bell last year. And this year, I'm calling a breakout year for Sammy Watkins and the long-suffering #BillsMafia.

When he wasn't infuriating Bills fans with Touchdown-costing early celebrations, Watkins was racking up yards on his way to just shy of a 1000 yard season. And that was with Kyle Orton throwing him the ball.

I'm anticipating big things for Sammy this year. 

Signs You May Be The Sleeper: 

• Management pays you an inordinate amount of attention even though you've yet to really accomplish anything warranting it.
• You keep getting compared to established sales superstars on your team -- they now give you dirty looks and blank stares every time you ask for help/advice.

26. The Injury Risk

Rare in the sales environment (unless Terry Tate is patrolling your cubicles), but you still see it happen on occasion.

The sick days start piling up. The productivity starts to wane, or just drops off completely.

Maybe this person isn't practicing healthy living habits. Maybe he or she has been stricken with bad luck.

Either way, it's borderline tragic to watch. 

NFL Doppelganger: Arian Foster?

 

It's time to start reading the tea leaves, gang. Arian Foster, despite being a fellow VFL and an entertaining, outspoken persona amongst NFL stars, is a DefCon 1 injury risk. 

Yes, I know Foster is already injured. But I want to make the greater point here that at no period in time should Foster be on your Fantasy Team.

He's like the sales team member who hasn't been the same since the twins were born two years ago -- it's not going to get better.

Signs You May Be The Injury Risk:

• Your typical weekend activities involve base jumping in abandoned construction sites and skateboarding through traffic.
• You're the type of person that still rocks the neck brace Doctors said you could stop wearing 9 months ago.
• That nice inheritance your spouse got earlier this year has made you realize that coming to work really puts a strain on your back. 

27. The Mercurial Talent

In sales, powerful swagger/emotions can be your best ally and, at other times, your worst enemy. 

It works the same with mentally unhinged NFL players -- you can't exactly expect them to be the models of consistency.

The mercurial talent may suffer from a deficiency in maturity, self-control or team focus that causes the occasional breakdown in performance and/or leadership abilities.

NFL Doppelganger: Cam Newton

 

Great celebration here from Cam Newton -- leading to a bench-clearing brawl.

I also love that Cam made waves at his very first Pro Bowl by, and I quote, "big-timing" an autograph-seeking child of a fellow player with a dismissive, "Now's not the time."

Not quite Jay Cutler's legendary "Doooooon't Care" encounter, but bonus points for doing it to a child. Stay classy, Cam.

Signs You May Be The Mercurial Talent:

• You've described yourself as a "playmaker."
• Your managers describe you as a "streaky performer."
• Your peers describe you as a "Diva" but "still someone that's good to have on the team." 

28. The Basket Case

Once the swagger/emotion pendulum swings too far, you're exiting Mercurial Talent territory and entering the real of the Basket Case.

Don't panic, though ... Rob Gronkowski is the best Tight End in the game, and he's a full-blown Basket Base. These guys could go either way -- which is what makes them X-Factors.

NFL Doppelganger: Percy Harvin

 

You've got to respect Percy Harvin. 

The incredibly talented, newly-minted Bills receiver's most noteworthy accomplishments in 2014 were beating up two Seahawks teammates,admitting to "checking out" in a game against the Cowboys, and getting unceremoniously jettisoned from the defending Super Bowl champions mid-season.

Is Harvin a classic basket case and total 2015 wildcard? 

Put it this way -- Percy could put up solid numbers as an important veteran contributor on the Bills offense. Or, he could get into a back alley brawl with 20 Bills Mafia members on a random Tuesday night and spend the rest of the season in a mental hospital somewhere.

Signs You May Be The Basket Case:

• Screaming, tearful tirade(s) in the middle of the sales floor.
• Rueful commentary from management. "If Skylar could just get his head on straight, he'd make a great rep."
• A full-blown, Andy-Bernard-from-Season-3-of-The-Office moment.

29. The Dark Horse

Lurking beneath the radar in your company is the Dark Horse.

A proven contributor who -- for whatever reason -- has had the luster of past performance start to fade or never received proper accolades in the first place, the Dark Horse is someone capable of emerging from the shadows and having a landmark year, seemingly-out-of-nowhere.

NFL Doppelganger: Jimmy Graham

 

Classic example of how the NFL and Sales profession share a "What Have You Done for Me Lately?" mentality.

I blew this prediction last year with my Roddy White selection, but I'm exponentially more confident in this year's pick: Jimmy Graham.

We saw how Rob Gronkowski bounced back from a major injury. Think about what Jimmy Graham can do in a Seahawks offense that's perfect for his playmaking abilities.

Signs You May Be The Dark Horse: 

• Everyone's forgotten how much of an asset you've been to the company over the years, and you're really, really pissed off about it.
• You've made a few quiet, but significant adjustments that you are about to unleash.
• You've spent the last six months watching the same video clip every night just before you fall asleep, muttering softly, "Release me, oh sales gods. Release the Kraken."

30. The Question Mark

The name speaks for itself. 

Normally reserved for a rookie, this year we're just going with the most deserving candidate.

NFL Doppelganger: Eli Manning

?

 

A living, breathing funeral pyre for consistency. 

Signs You May Be The Question Mark:

• Your career output levels resemble those of Eli Manning.
• You're prone to making the most dumbfounded, vapid facial expressions known to man. 

Creating Your Fantasy Sales Team

So there it is, the 2nd annual "Fantasy Football Lover's Guide to Your Salesforce." 

Here at Ambition, we recognize that Fantasy Football is much bigger than a game. Your fantasy leagues are a cash/attention suck offering something that money can't buy: bragging rights.

And those bragging rights will be critical when engaging in trash-talking, H.R. violating emails with your dearest friends and coworkers over the rest of the year.

Hopefully this post has taught you a lesson or two about your prospective draft picks, your sales force, and maybe even yourself. I know it's taught me an important lesson: to be thankful every day that I'm not a Raiders fan.

Thanks for reading. 

Jeremy Boudinet is Ambition's Director of Marketing.

Ambition enables companies to score and compete on their real-time business metrics, complete with TV leaderboards and custom analytics. Inspired by Fantasy Football, our team sales contests have also received endorsements from industry-leading clients and the Harvard Business Review.