Was Jesus the Best Entrepreneur, Executive, Marketer or Social Media Manager Ever?

10 Mental Disorders To Prove It

Usually, writing comes easily to me but for some reason this article paralyzed me for over 3 months. When it comes to diagnosing mental disorders in the United States, we have the DSM V which is the final authority on mental disorders.

In the history of mankind, there have been many interesting troubled psychological characters who pretended to change the world either ideologically or territorially, like Alexander the Great, Nero, Charlemagne, Napoleon and a German WW2 leader whose name I prefer not to mention. Nonetheless, none of them transformed or changed the world. Jesus did just that but not precisely because he was smarter or had a wider vision of the centuries to come; but, because he was crazier.

By the time Jesus turned 33, he had already gone mad. His understanding of his current society and his beliefs were totally opposed to the basic rules and regulations of the polis where he grew up in, including Egypt. He not only challenged the sons of Abraham but of the Roman Empire. A mad man was about to change the world but before that, he had already developed 10 full blown mental disorders, Jesus was completely lost , he even said “I don’t even have a place to lay my head”. Like most entrepreneurs, he started off his gospel business out of his "Garage".

1) Major Depression

His ministry lasted only 3 years; however, when facing death because of disputing basic Jewish policies, he knew he was going to be killed. He understood the government regulations and what lay ahead of him, death. At that point he would walk apart from his disciples claiming he needed to pray and have an alone time with God; he even endured 40 days by himself preparing for his final days. Nobody really knows what happened in those 40 days but of the dialogue he had with Satan; however, we do know that afterwards, he became very pessimistic. Jesus would leave his disciples on a regular basis, they were all concerned and not sure about what he meant when he would mention those three days of death and then resurrection. They all agreed, they would support him no matter what, Peter was the most enthusiastic. He failed him three times. Jesus was inconsolable, accused Judas of betrayal, called the Pharisees hypocrites and refused to negotiate his life with Pilate who offered to set him free only if he would take back his words when claiming he was the son of God. That very same day, Pilate made peace with Herod. Only weeks or months before Jesus had denied access to his own family, Virgin Mary, his sisters and his brothers; his father Joseph was no longer in the picture. Most business visionaries suffer from depression.

2) Bipolar Disorder

The sparkly and energetic Jesus that transformed water into fine wine at the Cana Wedding changed dramatically towards the end of his ministry. He became erratic and very mysterious. When told that his dear friend Lazarus was dying, he decided to stay 2 more days, Jesus was beginning to change thereby leaving his followers with a sense of abandonment; he even told them that they only believed in him because of the 5,000 feeding miracle. The Jesus that would pleasantly tell stories about the Kingdom of God had experienced his manic episode during the first 30 months of his ministry. Being able to choose 12 disciples and hundreds of followers had him fired up but, the minute he realized his revolution was about to take a drastic turn, his air of contentment and calm demeanor changed for the worst. His disciples became very dubious and in the midst of such a chaos, Judah, decided to trade Jesus for 30 silver coins. That very same night at the Garden of Gethsemane, again, Jesus had stepped aside from them and returned when they were all asleep. Jesus became agitated, he was definitely not the Jesus they knew 36 months before, that was a totally different person, a very sad person, defeated and willing to let the Pharisees get away with their malicious intentions. Jesus was going through his depressed episode, a very common mental disorder in top executives.

3) Dissociative Identity Disorder

I could name quite a few incidents where Jesus presented a very conspicuous split personality; however, none of them would make a stronger case as him claiming that “His” kingdom was not of this world and that he was precisely going back to his kingdom to prepare a place at his father’s home for his followers. He was definitely not the Jesus they had known only three years ago, this one, irreverently, was claiming that he was the son of God; a statement that ultimately would cost him his life. Jesus’ speech had changed dramatically, his distorted mind was on a mission, he could barely recognize himself, not to mention his own family; they didn’t believe him at all. Knowing that he had been unmasked, he became very angry by cursing people out and getting physical with his opponents, he would call them liars. His final personality, a submissive one, let Pilate wash his hands of him and order his crucifixion. Any company doing business in Silicon Valley has to reinvent themselves on a regular basis, otherwise, they disappear.

4) Schizophrenia

Jesus would talk in parables, he would tell stories that in the end, nobody understood and as much as he knew the Old Testament like the back of his palm, he would cite it but still, his disciples and followers wouldn’t understand a single word; it was not a surprise when the time came for his arrest that the eleven remaining disciples would run away, including Peter. In their hearts, none of them believed he was the Messiah. The healing gift that Jesus had is definitely the reason he had hundreds of people following him, not precisely for his words or behavior. At a certain point, Jesus became himself the morals and principles everyone should follow to the point that he decided to “Forgive” people’s sins and this, alongside with claiming that he was the son of God, ended up irritating the Jewish establishment. Jesus pretended to become the final authority, the one who would decide who will be saved and go to heaven; he even said “He was the way, the truth and the life and that nobody comes to the father except through him”. Jesus would tell everyone that he was “Only executing his father orders” and that was precisely his goal. Now, of course there is no such a thing as a schizophrenic with goals or objectives but his parables are not absolutely fair and coherent where “Last will be first” and where the one who makes the most money even gets the dollar of the one who didn’t make any at all. His speech was erratic and at a certain point misleading, “An unfair judge would only listen to this widower only because he didn’t want to be bothered anymore”. His speech made no sense. Fabulous invents have their source in voices that we all listen and that we don't know where they come from. Creativity.

5) Panic Disorder

Jesus knew he was going to die, late at night, he became very anxious, extremely sad and frustrated, prayed profusely and began to cry drops of blood; he was scared and anticipated the ferocious death he would have to deal with. He decided to beg for his life “Take this cup of suffering away from me, but let your will be done and not mine” with the one he claimed was his father but got so disappointed that he gave up. His disciples didn’t really know what was going on. Jesus, in his madness was smart enough to realize that he had offended the Jewish people to the point that his life was on the line. Jesus was horrified. Jesus was devastated. Jesus was petrified. Later on, he calmed down and went to check on his disciples. The panic disorder was gone, he was relieved. Who hasn't been scared before launching a product or a mandatory public speech.

6) Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Jesus was mad, however, there is something in his madness that caught my attention; he was totally crazy but wouldn’t stop mentioning that he was only fulfilling his father’s mission. Jesus would always refer to his father’s goals and that he was only obeying him as it was not his responsibility and only his father’s. He was obsessed with his father’s instructions and directions to the point that healing was not a priority but just part of his repertoire. At all times he would compulsively preach his father’s gospel. Even when Pilate offered him a way out, Jesus responded to him that he was not in the position to spare his life if that authority wasn’t given by his father. This mental disorder has to be present, wether you like it or not. You have to be OCD to be successful in business.

7) Borderline Personality Disorder

Jesus had a temper, he would preach about forgiveness and turn the other cheek but in reality, he was very aggressive. Not only his parables would describe an ultimate punishment, hell, but he became physical the day he realized that the temple had turned into a flea market; Jesus hit the salesmen and set free all of the animals and birds, knocked over tables and cursed people out; that very same Jesus was preaching hours later that we should forgive one another even seventy times seven. I had the image of Jesus acting out on Lincoln Road and Meridian where David’s Café used to operate like about two years ago and, where most of the Miami Beach police officers used to gather to have some coffee. Jesus would have been taken down and arrested on the spot, no doubt about it. A leader has to be very clear at a certain point of who is in charge, otherwise, someone else takes over and the results will never be the same. Different minds, different goals.

8) Schizoid Personality Disorder

Jesus claimed that he was our friend but would choose to stay alone most of his ministry years; at times he would join his disciples but the majority of the time, he would be alone. Jesus even describes a passage where a bum dies and afterwards, the rich man name Lazarus passes away as well; the description of this story is very scary, in the scene, clearly, hell and heaven are both a reality. Jesus doesn’t show any compassion at all for Lazarus and makes sure to let him know that he was paying not only for his sins but for his good life while on earth. Jesus doesn’t show any kind of emotion. Not to mention his attitude when the boat was sinking due to the storm, again, he was by himself, separated from the rest. An alone time is crucial for any entrepreneur or business executive.

9) Histrionic Personality Disorder

Jesus knew that he had to be the center of attention, he did everything possible to deliver his message even to the point of resurrecting a man that had been buried for four days, an amazing miracle that drew everybody’s attention including the Pharisees’ who, that very same day, decided to kill him no matter what; Lazarus was also on the list. Jesus would always be present regardless whether he was physically present or not. Jesus was very serious about delivering his message to the point of gathering multitudes in the desert with the intention of getting their attention. He always had the answer but would prefer others to come up with a solution, however, he would always make sure, he was the center of attention, he would state “Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and give to God what belongs to God”. His father would always be a priority. He claimed they together were “One”. Jesus was an expert in Sales, marketing and advertising. Here I am! Nowadays it's not like in the past, now, you have to make sure people are listening to you. You are forced to get all of the attention possible. Social media plays a huge role in this "Positive" mental disorder.

10) Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Jesus had authority since the day he started his ministry, he just told his first disciples “Follow me”, he didn’t introduce himself, he just gave them an order. Jesus had the audacity to claim that he was the only way to salvation, that only he could forgive sins, and that he was the son of God to the people being abused by the Roman Empire and who were waiting for a Messiah. Jesus had a winner attitude “Whoever is not with me is against me”. Jesus, like no one else, claimed that he was going to die and resurrect on the third day. He would talk about “My kingdom” “My father” “My angels” as if he was entitled to a higher honor. Jesus would demand from people to sell everything away and follow him assuring them that something much better was waiting for them in the near future; the rich young man refused to follow him. Jesus talked about being rich in his kingdom when lots of people were sick and some of them were suffering from leprosy. Jesus told Pilate that he did not proclaim himself as the son of God but that Pilate did just that. Jesus always knew he was different, even when he was only twelve years old teaching the scriptures at the temple and later on, twenty years later, he claimed at the very same temple that the scriptures had been fulfilled by him. Great manager and leader.

Had Jesus lived in our era, he would definitely be working in Silicon Valley since nobody like him has had as much success as a marketing and advertising director, as a sales manager or simply, or as a business visionary. He was only 33 years old, a few years older than any recent MBA graduate. Like most contemporary business creators, Jesus was not believed or supported by his own family. Because of that, he got crazier, however, while being on the cross and bullied by one of the thieves crucified right next to him, he turned his head to the other one that begged him to remember him when he came into his kingdom and Jesus, responded, and probably, by far, this is the most beautiful line of the whole Bible “I promise you that today, you will be with me in paradise” The personality of Jesus encompasses all of the skills that a modern executive should have, including his mental disorders; very common traits in the most interesting entrepreneurs an CEO's of our time. There is no marketing campaign as successful as the launching of his Gospel 2,000 years ago. And this is the reason I’m writing this article.

@TheSobeTimes