Ferguson, And The Sad Lessons of Conflict.

As the sad situation in Ferguson, Mo shows, conflict yields few answers and even fewer winners. As we write in the editorial below, it's an apt metaphor for what happens in so many homes where the spouses are at odds. Read it below, or read it here.

By Divorce Circus Editorial Staff

Are there lessons from Ferguson, the tragic case that unfolded in Missouri over the last several months, that are relevant to people in and around divorce?

On the surface it may seem like a preposterous comparison, but in fact there are many similarities.

As you may recall the case revolves around a black man who was shot to death by a white police officer. So what could the end of a marriage and the death of a suspect possibly have in common?

A few things:

The racial divide that creates the lens through which many view the Ferguson case closely mirrors the gender divide and how it shapes opinions in divorce.

The fact that something tragic happened behind “closed doors” without independent witnesses is similar to how events unfold in domestic disputes and violence.

And, finally, where there is ignorance of the facts, as there is in the US about Ferguson or, in a neighborhood in which a couple is acrimoniously separating, prejudice often fills the void where knowledge should be.

There is no being unbitten by a dog. Once something dramatic, violent, or tragic has happened it can’t be undone. And even worse, it rarely can be unraveled. Questions of who struck whom and whether it was provoked or justified are almost impossible to answer let alone rectify.

In the absence of knowledge ugly innuendo fills the void. People with little or no understanding of the situation line up behind one spouse or the other. How do they choose? Attractiveness? Ethnicity? Gender?

Though no one may really know what happened, the opinions of neighbors, teachers and friends can play a key role in how the divorce goes, especially as it relates to custody issues.

Who suffers the most? As usual, the children.

We believe that conflict is best handled by avoiding it. Unfortunately, we all know that if one party is hell bent on forcing it, the other will probably be sucked in, too.

If that happens, as the whole country has seen in Ferguson, as millions of families have seen over the years, only a couple of things are guaranteed….

A lot of people will be angry. And nobody will win.