5 Steps For Acting Courageously

Over the years I have found and seen in others that courage is easy to talk about, put into corporate "core values," or proclaim it as key to leadership. We inherently know that even the smallest acts of courage cause a positive ripple effect to ourselves, others, places of work and more practically, our careers.

But, those acts are really hard, big or small. A close work friend and mentor summed it up well, "Conscience is a good reason to be courageous. Often underused, precisely because people need a paycheck."

In other words, there are both perceived and real consequences to being courageous, and thus, a process to think through them will help educate when you need to be courageous and where you can let it go. Trade offs are a reality for everyone.

Ironically, the most obvious situations requiring courage seem to be the least acted upon. Such as, blatantly ethical issues and bullying (not just at school, but also on the playground that is corporate America). However, it's often the more insidious, subtle situations in our day-to-day lives where being courageous can really make a difference. Even then sometimes it's easier to just vent to a trusted friend.

For credibility sake, I am a former "say nothing" person and finally vowed for my own well being to speak up when a situation called for it years ago. Like any practiced effort, it's gotten easier over the years, due to three consistent realizations:

1. 100% of the time, the outcome was easier and better than I had imagined. Put more simply, I was always glad I did it.
2. The self-doubt, "Maybe it's just me who feels this way," that prevented me from speaking up before was wrong. More people shared similar sentiments about the situation.
3. Overcoming fear is just part of the process, no matter how many times you act courageously.

If you regularly find opportunities where you wish you could be more courageous, try this foolproof process:

Step 1: Zing! You tense up, you want to call your trusted friend, "You won't believe THIS one." Whenever a situation hits that certain something inside you, ask why: have you been bothered by this same or a similar situation in the past? If so, it likely won't go away. Validate these jolts to your nervous system by tying them to a tangible core value for your yourself. "This is particularly irksome to me because I believe in doing things respectfully and this behavior is getting us off track." Or, "This really bothers me because it makes me feel unvalued." Take your situation and start it with, "This really bothers me because I believe or makes me feel....." This exercise is important for self-awareness and maturity, and you'll need it if you take action.

Step 2: Tell yourself, "If I feel this way, likely others do, too." Taking action will not just improve your life, but will inspire and help others.

Step 3: Ask yourself the following questions, and run it by a trusted friend:

• What's the worse thing that could happen?
• What do I want to have happen from taking action?
• How and when should I act?

Sit with that for a day or two. Wait to see what comes to you -- creative solutions will appear in due time.

Step 4: Decide on your goal or outcome for your act, and who you will speak with first. Confronting people directly is best, but not always possible. Next in line is confiding in someone you trust, who can actually do something about the situation. This step and step three aren't just about deciding what to do, it's also about building confidence and a comfort level with taking action.

Step 5: Act! Don't worry about this going perfectly. Sticking to a conversation format like the below will help with the inevitable discomfort:

• Start with something positive. "We've really worked well together in the past," or "I'm proud of how much progress we're making toward X," etc.
• Lead with facts, and follow with the impact to you or the organization. "X incident on X date both was not a good reflection of our unit's core values, it was also disengaging to me, personally."
• If you have a role in this issue, now is the time to own it. "I know I should have said something sooner" or, "I know my reaction to these issues could have been better in the past."
• There. You threw the "Hail Mary." Now just listen and see where it goes. Remain factual and confident you will positively resolve the situation.
• Conclude with "thank you" or, "what can I do to help?" Humility does wonders for the success of courageous acts.
• Throughout the conversation, be sure your non-verbals match what you're saying: show engagement and interest by maintaining positive eye contact, lean forward and nod in agreement. No eye rolling, folded arms or sighs!

What were your memorable moments of courage? Did anything help you through the process?

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage." – The Diary of Anais Nin, edited by Gunther Stuhlmann