Empathy: One Leadership Skill You Won't Learn at Business School

Have you ever watched the reality TV program “Undercover Boss”?

Like most reality programs, it’s cathartic for many of us to watch an out-of-touch CEO have to do the menial and manual labour jobs that keep his business operating. But beyond the funny fake moustaches and manufactured altruism of the CEO handing out cheques to deserving employees, I think the show may be subtly teaching an important leadership skill: empathy.

CEOs and other upper level leaders can sometimes have a hard time empathising with front-line employees because, perhaps, they never had to work their way up through those sorts of jobs. In seeking drama and conflict, the TV show forces a leader to realise some empathy for his employees by literally putting him in their shoes.

I believe empathy with people is a key leadership quality — and it’s one many leaders don't have and can't learn at business school.

FastCompany, Forbes and Success magazines all have articles touting empathy as one of the most important qualities of successful leaders. But what is it? And can it be taught?

What is empathy?

Many people confuse empathy with sympathy, but the two are different in an important way. Sympathy means agreeing with or relating to the feelings someone else has about a particular situation. But empathy goes deeper. It means that, whether or not you agree with someone, you can understand what they are feeling and how that affects their perception and needs.

Empathy means you have the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and put their needs ahead of yours when necessary.

There’s a business stereotype that doesn’t seem to want to die of the ruthless go-getter whose dogged pursuit of his goals leaves no room for him to worry about anyone but himself. But the truth is, sooner or later in business (and in life) everyone must rely on the relationships and connections they have established. The most successful leaders don’t operate in a vacuum; they rely on a support system to achieve their success.

Think of the captain who is the last to leave a sinking ship, or the unwritten rule that lowest ranking Marines are first in line at the mess tent, while their commanders eat last. That kind of leadership is about an innate understanding of putting the needs of others above your own.

Can empathy be taught?

There’s another longstanding myth that human beings are biologically wired to think only of ourselves, but science shows that’s simply untrue. We do have a reptile brain that promotes that “me first” thinking, but we also have something that sets us apart. Humans are social creatures, and our brains produce pleasure hormones, serotonin and oxytocin, to actually reward us for helping others.

Our brains actually reward us for practising empathy, and so it is definitely a skill that can be cultivated, not just an innate personality trait.

How to cultivate empathy:

• Listen more than you speak.
• Shift the focus from the story in your mind to the actual message being presented.
• Take a personal interest in others.
• Practice putting the needs of others above your own in the workplace.
• Become the other person.

What’s fascinating is that these practises work well in almost all areas of business: in negotiations, influence, communications, sales, teaching, and so on. Empathy is the one overriding skill that can influence whether you become truly successful — or the next “greedy CEO” of some tabloid headline.

Simon Sinek, author of Leaders Eat Last about leadership and empathy, says, “The lesson I’m learning is that I’m useless by myself. My success hinges entirely on the people I work with—the people who enlist themselves to join me in my vision. And it’s my responsibility to see that they’re working at their best capacity.”

How can you put empathy to work in your position? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject in the comments below.

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About : Bernard Marr is a globally recognized expert in strategy, performance management, analytics, KPIs and big data. He helps companies and executive teams manage, measure and improve performance.

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