What's In The Way Of Your Big Dream? These 5 Damaging Mindsets Will Hold You Back

Every day, I work with people who have huge dreams and goals — of reaching the pinnacle of their respective field, becoming a world-renowned expert, writing a transformational book, sharing their creativity around the globe, changing lives, and more. I too have big dreams, and have spent the past decade focused on doing what’s necessary, inside and out, to make those dreams a reality.

Getting in the trenches with goal-seekers and understanding the anatomy of achieving big dreams, I’ve seen that many, if not most, people with a huge dream have the wrong mindset and a serious misunderstanding about what it takes. Sadly, this mindset literally repels success. (I've been there - and I know how limiting mindsets keep us playing small.)

What are they doing wrong, and how can they reverse these errors in thinking and behavior?

Understand the five most damaging obstacles in the way of your big dream:

1. If it’s celebrity you want, your self-interest is in the way.

When people share with me their big dreams and the motivations behind them, I can tell in five minutes if they are on the road to achieving them, or have taken a nasty detour. If the dream you want is all about YOU– getting validation, recognition, reward, becoming a celebrity for celebrity sake, getting rich – you won’t succeed. (Trust me on this one.) You’re using your dream as a way to heal your deep-seated feelings from the past of being disregarded, unappreciated and undervalued – and it won’t work.

People who have reached the top in this world know how to hold and emanate vast amounts of energy, and to do so, you have to have done the inner work to deal with that type of power. Years ago when I suffered from feelings of inadequacy and a lack of worthiness, they created insurmountable mountains in the way of the success I longed for.

Your big dream will only come to fruition when you stop needing to see yourself as the center of the Universe, and serving as the sole hero in your story. You’ve got to focus on how to be of help to others, and come from a highly-engaged service mindset. Only when it stops being all about you, will the pathway clear.

And yes, there are major celebrities in our society who are narcissistic and hyper self-focused (and haven’t done the work to contribute in a positive way), but they’re not who you want to emulate, are they?

2. Your expectations are faulty - it takes 10,000 times more effort than you realize.

Recently, I heard from a would-be music composer had who fantastic dreams of scoring films, but he had yet to share his music with a soul. I’ve heard these types of dreams for years from creatives who wish to make a huge splash. I personally know people who’ve reached amazing heights in the arts and in the music industry, and I can tell you, the road to that level of success requires 10,000 times more effort, time, work, commitment, perseverance, and stretching than you’d ever imagine.

If you want to reach the highest pinnacle, there are essential steps you have to take -- the inner and outer work of growing yourself and your talents – to be an energetic match to it. That means you have to fearless, bold, assertive, tireless, a strong competitor, a great communicator, and also completely aware of what you have and what you don’t so you can close your “power gaps” and become the person you want to be. It also requires that you have an intense focus on what you can GIVE, not get -- how you can use your gifts to better the world. If you’re afraid to share your music, or your blog, or your designs (whatever creative endeavor you’re involved in), you can’t have the success you want. Get out there and start sharing what you’ve created, offer it fearlessly to the world, and get in the cage with your fears about how others will receive it. In addition, you have to build a very strong boundary that protects you, so that you can handle the naysayers and the critics, because there will be many.

3. You're saying "no" when you need to say "YES!"

So many big dreamers have a heightened, unrealistic sense of their own importance, and they continually say “no” to new opportunities that they feel are beneath them. That’s a huge mistake that stems from a frail ego. Start saying “yes” to great new opportunities that present themselves, that will help you learn, grow and put yourself out there in service to others in your special niche. You simply can’t make a powerful contribution in the world if all you do is say to “no” to new ways to work your craft and refine your chops.

4. Your longing for quick success and instant recognition cuts you off from long-term growth.

Your desperation to be at the top prevents you from getting to the top, because you’re focused on what you think the emotional (and financial) reward will be when you get there, rather than what you’re doing in the world that’s of value.

5. You think you can do it alone.

The people you’re interacting with will absolutely make or break your career. Nothing is more important to your success than the quality of your relationships, and the nature of the people you surround yourself with. Elevate yourself by elevating your circle. Go out and connect with people who are integrity-filled, service minded, highly skilled, brilliant, caring, compassionate and inspiring, and find a way to help them. When you do, your world – and your pathway to success — can change overnight.

What can you do to remove the obstacles in the way of your big dream? This month, take these steps:

- Commit to generating work that is at the highest level in your field, and know what that looks like.
- Share your work with someone you trust, and ask for candid feedback.
- Connect authentically with people who are doing what you want to, in a bigger way.
- Visualize in concrete detail (using all your senses) your having arrived at the place you long for. See it and feel it.
- Close your "power gaps" – figure out where you’re most vulnerable and fearful, and do something concrete to shift that.
- Focus on what you can give (not get).
- Get someone in your corner to hold you accountable.

In the end, get out there and start sharing and contributing. Do the hard inner and outer work of becoming the person, contributor and creator you dream of. Only then will your dream have a chance of coming true.

What’s your biggest dream?

(To achieve your big dream, visit The Amazing Career Project and kathycaprino.com.)