Appraisal - The Irony, The Iron & Y

Appraisal – They Irony, The Iron and Y?

Summers, while it reminds the general population of a time to buy sun tan lotions, SPF-15’s, a show case time for linen, white’s, short – light clothes, Iced drinks and more – for corporate employees like us –It’s measurement time – yes the time is here and now – you can hear far off war cries – like in a battlefield, your eyes gets blurry with the napalm explosion, you eat half a kilo of sand – lose a limb – bleed from wrong parts of the body - start your own war of weird bowel movements and suddenly when the dust settles – you glance over your shoulder at the fellow soldier to find him smiling – and you realize he is actually dead.

The Irony

What am I referring to? Appraisal

Thou shall bleedeth, quiv'r in teen, made to suff'reth and yet smileth : f'r those who escapeth the route shall they subject oth'rs to the same

(You shall bleed, quiver in pain, made to suffer and yet smile: for those who escape the route shall they subject others to the same)

The Psyche:

After a year in the confined space of your “self chosen” three sided coffin and a not so comfortable chair – and having you share of office gossips, politics, affairs (if you are lucky), the highest highs, the lowest lows and all of the unsaid factors – you find yourself sitting in front of your system – trying to figure out what exactly to write in that 200 word limit field which says achievements, adaptability, team work, areas of improvement, etc. I am blessed to have witnessed the A la crème of A la crème have a haemorrhage right between the eyes figuring out the rocket science of Appraisal forms. For once in my life, I thank the all mighty powerful on this one act of random kindness, to equal all the brain damages UNIFORMLY across designations in the corporate world.

The Truth:

In between your restroom & coffee breaks, meetings, chats and more - you try and find a private moment when no one is around to key in something on the form, whilst constantly saving it for review.

You take your time and spew out a verbiage, you weave a story, that is compelling, that of a hero – exhibits your perseverance, resilience, and all those fancy words that you looked up on Google / or your trusted friend.

What has this done to you? Puts you in a mind frame of expectations - I am good! I should be getting this! This year is my year – I did it!

The Trigger and the Stage

An email notification – “your appraisal is under review” should set you looking for a pacemaker.

You role play these manager and self - conversations over and over again ever since that moment.

Disclaimer: Hi! Or Hey! Or Hello! – In my entire research on appraisals I could not find a single document that with authority single-handedly and convincingly settles the argument of the best conversation starter for an appraisal.

So a week or two from then, you find yourself waiting for a phone call or sitting in a lobby – and then you have a Deja Vu And while you are waiting you observe, observe better than ever, you concentrate on the not so important things around you - the walls, the paint, the desk, the dial pad, the stupid bonsai plant, the monitor and more...the surrounding, today that you are in, is more detailed than ever.

While you waited:

Have you been tapping constantly?

Clicking on your pen more frequently than ever?

Have you been sweating a lot and are a little edgier than usual?

Have you noticed everyone looking at you?

Do you smell good?

Are you dressed right for the moment? Is your shirt tucked in well?

If you had any of these moments either you are at the same appraisal number where I ended up, or you are smiling somewhere. (Remember: the smiling guy is dead)

The Moment of Truth:

Now, here is a jingle that you will remember,

The Hot types, the Short type,

The silent or the odd types,

Eccentric or Absorbent types,

Ridicule and Torment types...

Whatever type be your boss – You will never get a perfect appraisal!

The Iron

So, you are in the room – the discussion is on..

Round 1: The pleasantries: they (mangers) synergize that life is good and the company is meant to do wonders

Round 2: You Count all the good things you have done

Round 3: Forget 35% of round 2 because 80% of your efforts were directed by 45% of the remaining work force and this being an individual appraisal only your efforts counts

Round 4: The manager would have statistically, logically, analytically, emotionally, saliently by now have succeeded in making you understand that your achievements are there but not there yet – please forget another 30% of your remaining efforts

Round 5: Areas of improvement including delay in responding to emails, taking onus and not delivering or delivering with delay would cost your another 10-15% - did I miss mentioning any escalations would cost your around 20%

While the manager keeps talking – the music grows richer, lights dim, conversations change and you ask Yourself: Is all that I have given “not good enough”? Where did I lack?

After meeting: if you are thinking of mixing 2 cubes of ice, on 60 ml scotch over a two digit lower label appraisal that you achieved – you are a 100% idiot and the company employee I want, that would possibly stick around another year

After meeting: if you cannot afford scotch – you are the next dead man although smiling –attrition

After meeting: if you left that room with new KPA, KPI and more – next year maybe you can afford a scotch

After meeting: If you wondered about the glass a little more than the kind of alcohol in it – I think you are Probably going to end up in Performance improvement program

After meeting: If you were the one serving other drink and making sure all are having a good time, kudos to you – you would probably be appraising someone soon

The – Y (WHY)

I have and will continue to question the concept of appraisal, bell curve of Richard J. Herrnstein and Charles Murray with the concepts of the validity of IQ and general intelligence, Relationship between IQ and outcomes and more.

- Why do managers get targeted with a certain number that have to be force fitted in the bell curve?

- Why are managers hated after appraisal? Did we see that their appraisal was done maybe around the same time?

- Why does a Process leader sitting off a location x, managing a site y, and having a team of z - sound like a sour alphabet soup with no visibility of who to appraise?

While we continue to debate if an intelligent grading system can be done to grade students, - Why can’t an Intelligent system be created for employees as well dependant on scalability other than pseudo Judgmental factors?

- Why are managers willing to offer a hike in case attrition comes into play (for right talent)?

- Why did Richard and Charles make a bell curve and not a shoe curve or an underwear curve for analyzing the employees out there?

The learning:

Appraisal is a strenuous task for both parties, watching numbers and stealing the best deal is probably an art that most have tried and few have mastered.

Feedback for managers:

Please question – how many candidates walked out of an appraisal meeting understanding what needs to be done by them?

The agenda or contextual approach of appraisal to give the appraisee the opportunity to reflect on their work and learning needs in order to improve their performance is somewhere lost.

Effectively focusing on purely reviewing past performance data and not consider the not so captured factors needs to be calibrated.

While I did not get the best appraisal or the best pay check at the end of the day – the appraisal piece still catches my attention...

I hope you get a good one or at least learn something from the process...

Maybe next year we can share a scotch together and laugh about it.

Do let me know your thoughts on the same.

Regards,

Victor C.