ALL I WANT IS YOU (Christian & Anastasia - snippet #4)

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It’s dark. I can’t see a thing. I can’t feel my way. There isn’t any light, no sound, nothing. It’s a deep abyss. My heart is pounding. She’s here. I know she’s here.

“Christian, help me!” I hear her.

“I’m here! Help me!” she screams. I don’t know which way is the right way to get to her. I run full speed, but the voice is getting distant.

“Ana, where the hell are you? Talk to me! Let me find you!”

All I hear is a blood curdling scream. My name laced in her scream, ripping my soul apart!

There is a dim light in the distance. So dim, if you blinked, you would lose it. I wouldn’t dare to blink. I have to focus. I come to a dirty door that had seen better days. The smell... I know the smell. It’s pungent, nasty. It oozes out of the door, taking a form. It stinks like...death.

Agony grips my heart and tears sting my eyes, my hands fists on my side. I kick the fucking door nearly pulling it off its hinges. It hangs askew. I’m breathing hard, my heart is at my throat beating hard, trying to get out of my chest. I enter and look around in the dim light. The smell draws me like the hands of the devil, so strong. It’s laced with fear and evil. It’s odor reeks with blood, and hurt. I’m afraid to call out to her name. I’m afraid that she won’t answer. I’m terrified! I smell her scent, her brand of woman, her natural perfume smelling like sweet spices, outdoors, and freshness... and blood.

“Ana?” I whisper. “Ana, talk to me, baby! I’m here... I’m here, Ana. Answer me, baby...” No response. My eyes bewildered looks around.

Then I find her. Her blood crusted body is naked on the dirty concrete floor. Whip lines criss cross her back, and her chest. Her hair matted with blood and dirt. Her face is bruised. Her lifeless body has endured unimaginable pain. A shriek comes to my ears I don’t recognize. Oh... It’s me. I’m the one screaming in agony, falling on my knees, holding her tightly in my arms and rocking her back and forth.

“How do you like it now?” asks an unknown voice. It gets louder and louder still.

“How do you like it, Master?” asks Leila’s voice and her hazy face. The face slowly shifts, ripples and changes.

“How do you like it, Christian? I saved you from your gold digging whore! You can thank me later,” says Elena‘s voice and face changing on the hazy figure. Her large leather whip flies and hits Anastasia’s lifeless legs.

“Stop it! Stop! Leave her alone!” She laughs, and the face ripples once again.

“How does it feel young Christian Grey when someone else fucks your woman?” says the contorting face changing into Mr. Lincoln in the haze. He leans his head in examining her wounds with pride in his green gaze. “I have to say, she rather enjoyed the punishment. She was a good girl, screaming when I wanted her to scream... at exactly the right pitch... Did it hurt you enough? I was aiming for soul shredding effect,” he says his voice lilting, completely pleased with himself.

I try to shield Ana’s lifeless body, getting colder by the second. I can’t fucking do anything to make her alive! I scream and rock her back and forth harder.

Faces change rapidly with the unknown body, finally the face of the pimp emerging.

“How do you like it now, bastard? You killed her. Like you killed your mother! You are a murderer! You are a murderer! You.are.her.murderer! But then, you only deserve her dead body!” his voice seethes poison, his breath stinking cheap beer and Camel cigarettes.

“Look, what we have here. The little whore that is your mama. There she is!” he points at another lifeless body. “Better get to her boy! She’s getting cold awfully fast!” he says his face distorting into a menacing form. “What the fuck have you done to her? That crazy fucked up bitch! Shit! Fuck! Get out of the way you little shit!” he yells kicking me, and all of a sudden I’m little, helpless, hurt...

“No! No! No! Mommy!” There’s her lifeless body lying on the dirty green carpet. I want my mommy! I’m here and I’m not here. I look at myself. A hungry, dirty, unwanted little boy and the policewoman is taking my blankie away.

“Mommy!” I run to her, and I’m stopped by the large hands of death grasping me on my shoulder with the face of the pimp.

“You better make your choice, you little shit!” says the pimp. “What will it be? Your mommy’s dead body or your lover’s dead body? What will you keep?” he whispers menacingly, taunting me.

I run between two bodies in this abyss unable to save neither. I see the faces turning around Ana’s body. All sorts of faces! Elena, Leila, the pimp, Mr. Lincoln... unknown faces. Trying to claim her as their own! They want to take her away from me!

“No! No! No! Leave her the fuck alone! She’s mine!” I shield her lifeless body with mine. Tears flow freely with agony ripping my heart and soul apart.

“Christian! Christian!” It’s her voice! Is it from heaven? She sounds urgent, pulling me away from the depths of my despair. “I’m here, Christian. I’m here,” she shakes me.

My eyes open, clouded with tears making it hard to see. She’s leaning over me, grasping me my shoulders, shaking me, her face too is etched with anguish, and her beautiful, alive blue eyes are wide and brimming with tears.

“Ana,” I say unbelieving in a breathless whisper, fear lacing my mouth, oozing out of my pores. “You’re here. You’re well,” I utter, unbelieving.

“Of course, I’m here.”

“I had a dream...” I say breathless.

“I know. I’m here. I’m here,” she says reassuring.

“Ana,” I breathe her name like a talisman against the choking nightmare gripping my soul, the fear killing me inside.

“Hush, I’m here,” she says curling her arms around me, her limbs cocooning me, her warmth giving life, forcing the devils of my nightmare away. She’s my life, she’s my sun; she is my everything! I can’t exist without her.

“Ana, please, let’s not fight,” I say in a hoarse voice, embracing her within my arms. Holding her, and feeling her.

“Okay, okay,” she says calming me.

“The vows. No obeying, I can do that. We’ll find a way,” I say. I am just glad that she’s alive. I don’t care that she doesn’t obey. I just want her!

“Yes. We will. We always find a way,” she whispers and descends her lips sealing mine, both silencing me, and jolting me back to life, and existence. I roll over her pulling t-shirt off her body in one swift move, and merge my body with hers.