ALL I WANT IS YOU (Christian & Anastasia - snippet #1)
“What!?!” I seethe with anger at Taylor.
“Nothing, sir,” he says slightly shaking his head, half amused half annoyed.
I walk into my bedroom still angry... beyond angry, raging mad, I pace around. I walk outside again. Taylor is surprised once again to see me naked, but he’s not shocked this time.
“Taylor, find Bastille! 3 hour session, at my gym. Have him meet me in 30 minutes,” I order and walk back to my bedroom without waiting for his response.
“Christian, don’t be mad,” she says softly. I say nothing, closing my eyes.
My other arm reaches to her hand, and I find myself saying, “Don’t,” rather forcefully breaking her connection with me. I’m still fucking mad. Shit! I know she’s disobedient...a lot. I know she’s refreshing in her witty ways, but hell, this is marriage! She should know better. What else will she delete from the vows? I turn around, and her face is fallen; she looks hurt. Shit! That’s not what I want. I want her to understand me.
“Christian, why is this a big deal for you?” she asks softly.
“Are you shitting me, Anastasia?” I say locking her in place with my blazing gaze. I’m breathing through my nose, like a raging bull.
“Do you have any idea of the purpose of the wedding vows, and what you’re denying me?”
“What am I denying you?” she asks as if I slapped her.
“The vows are derived from marriage contracts which mean they’re all the rights and responsibilities conferred upon marriages.”
“Christian, surely you must realize that the only rights and responsibilities are not limited to a few lines couples say during the marriage ceremony. I think the couples acquire thousands of rights as a result of the ‘marriage contract’,“ she says making air quotes, “and there is no possible way to cover all of them during a wedding ceremony. I’m betting that it’s a lot longer than your submissive contract,” she says.
I try hard to stifle a smile. I have to focus and hold onto my anger and not give into her charms. “I mean, I think we can declare our love and mutual respect and to care for each other no matter what the circumstance. That’s why I wanted us to write our own vows. Because we’re unique. We don’t mold into ‘one size fits all’ category,” she says looking at me expectantly. She’s trying to distract me from my goal. She’s good at that; whenever she finds me saying something she disagrees; she finds a way to distract me. It won’t work this time.
“Tell me Anastasia, what other ‘one size fits all’ requirement from the vows are you intending to delete? I want to know...” I look at her with an impassive gaze, I feel nothing but.
“What do you mean?” she asks defensively.
“I mean the vows are simple: All you have to say is I, Anastasia Rose Steele, take thee, Christian Trevelyan-Grey, to be my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth. I want to know, what other words in these vows offend you greatly? Is it, ‘for better or worse’, or could it be ‘for richer or poorer’... or how about, ‘in sickness and in health’? How about ‘love’? Or ‘cherish’? There is also ‘till death do us part’...” I say my gaze darkening. I close the distance between us trapping her to the shower wall with my hands firmly placed on the wall next to her shoulders, barely touching, so close, so hot, so desirous, yet so distant. “Tell me Ana,” I whisper near her ear, “...Is there an expiration date on your love? Tell me Anastasia, I want to know!” I say trying to hide my hurt; my eyes are dark with passion with her close proximity.
“I know! I’m worse than an ass! I’m a fucked up son of a crack whore! Is this why you won’t say it? You don’t find me worthy of obeying? Believe me baby, I’ll take you any way you are willing to give me, but, this torturing me inside! Why Ana?” I look at her begging. “Why, won’t you have me in all the ways I am? You just want to pick and choose?”
She stops pushing me, anger and hurt replaced by concern. Her hands reach up to my face caressing, my fucking body is so in tune with her touch I find myself leaning in to her caress and close my eyes.
“Christian, it’s not about you! It’s about me.” My eyes open blazing as if she slapped me; I take couple of steps back to look at her incredulous.
“Fuck, Ana! How could that not be about me? Are you not marrying me? So how could this be about you?”
She takes a slow step forward, and I hold my hands up to halt her coming closer. She sighs, tries to hide her hurt.
“Christian, this is about me, about keeping my individuality. You are... you know, you! This megalomaniac who is always in charge, always in control, always opinionated... And I love that about you, but in the other hand, this is me,” she says her right hand firmly placed between her breasts on her chest.
“The girl you fell in love with has her own opinions. I want to please you, but I want to be....me!” she says fervently. “Can’t you just accept me as I am?”
I run both my hands through my wet hair, sighing in complete exasperation. I mentally count. Ten...nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one...
“All I’m asking you is just to consider saying it Ana. That’s all I ask,” I say as my gaze hot with raw emotions I had no idea I was capable of possessing, connecting with her eyes asking her with a plea.
“I have a session scheduled with Claude. You have to eat dinner by yourself,” I say as I walk out of the shower grabbing a towel.
“Oh!” she says. “I’m going to meet your mother and your sister. They wanted to run some of their ideas by me,” she says in a murmur.
I turn to her lightning fast. “When were you planning to tell me?”
“Just now,” she says slowly. Your sister called and left a message when we were... uhm, in the Playroom.” I let out a lungful of air.
“Make sure you eat before you go! And no driving! Take Sawyer with you!” I order.
“Uhm... about dinner...” she starts speaking and I know she wants to skip eating dinner.
“Right, there!” I say rather forcefully pointing an accusatory finger at her. “That’s what I’m talking about, Anastasia. You never listen even though I’m looking out for your own interest because you are unwilling to do it!”
She sighs exasperated, getting angry.
“Are you done, Mr. Grey?” she says putting her hands to her hips. Those hot hips, her lifted elbows, and tossed back arms like she’s doing now, does something to her breasts lifting them up in protest. The slight chill in the bathroom perks her nipples up. I shake my head to get it out of the gutter if I want to focus. My fucking dick is betraying me with his halfcocked gun salute!Anastasia tries to hide her smile and look stoic and her voice gets huskier but she tries to focus on her anger.
“Your mother and your sister who are working on planning our wedding,” she emphasizes, “asked me to come and taste some food samples a caterer will be delivering to your parents’ house. If I eat now, I won’t be able to totally enjoy the food, and I may not be able make a taste distinction to decide on a full stomach, Christian. It’s not because I’m trying to defy you. And this is what I’m trying to tell you. If I obey you 100% of the time, like now, eat and go, then I won’t be able to make a good decision on food later. You have to trust my judgment as well. Can we at least agree on that?” she asks.
I exhale my exasperation.
“Take Sawyer with you... I’ll have work out, and later I have a lot of work to catch up with. Call me when you are ready to come back,” I say and walk to my closet to quickly dress up in my sweats. I’m too wired up, and too stressed. Fuck! She will not obey! Ever, or some of the time? How can I change her mind?
Can she be truly mine if she doesn't obey? I want her every fucking way possible! I crave her to belong to me. If she doesn't completely recite all the words of the marriage vows, doesn't it void it some way? Fuck! I'm losing my mind! She appears at the closet door partially dressed, in those black boy shorts, and lacy bra. Fuck! How I want to have her and give her a lesson in obedience! I'll go overboard... I want to be close to her now, but I can't. I have to leave! She watches my every movement. She wants to say something... She hesitates.
"Christian?"
"What?" I snap, and instantly regret it. I'm too jumpy. She can get me riled up with one word, or a glance. I soften my gaze on her. "What, Ana?"
"Wouldn't you want to taste the food that would be served in our wedding?"
"I have more pressing business, tonight. I know you and my mom and sister are capable of making great choices. I trust your judgment. I'll have to pass this detail," I reply.
"But?"
"Ana, I just want you! I wouldn't care if you decide to serve cheese and crackers, and tea! Well, I'd order wine, but, tonight is not a good night for me. It's just been a stressful day. You go and have fun. But make sure you call me before you leave, and don't stay too late."
"Don't be mad at me..." she says in a soft tone.
"Anastasia, I'm not mad. I'm furious. All I'm asking you to say is one fucking word, and you won't do it!"
"It’s a big word, Christian. I'm not saying it!"
"The hell you aren't!"
"In that case Christian, I'll see you after you beat the shit out of Claude Bastille, because I don't want to be on the receiving end of that anger. I have to go!" she says and turns around angrily.
"Why are you turning your back to me?"
"Really, Sherlock! You couldn't figure that out? In case you haven't noticed, I'm not your submissive, and I'm not going to sign up as a submissive, because saying that word will always trigger those thoughts. I want to be your wife. Not your sub!"
"Fuck it, Anastasia! You have never been my sub! You will not be my sub. How can I explain it to you? I have to have control. I have to know you are safe! I have to know that you will take enough precautions to heed my concerns over your well-being. How can I achieve any of those if you do not listen to me and obey me? And you.never.do! You make me feel helpless!" I utter exhausted.
"We'll talk about this when you are more rational Christian..."
“Anastasia...” I say in a soft voice... too soft to be confused with anything other than anger.
“I really, really want to take you over my knee, and punish you...” I say.
She looks at me with a little apprehension and a little anticipation, but shakes her head deciding against whatever she was thinking.
“Well, Mr. Grey I would love to indulge both you and me...but when you have calmed down, we’ll revisit,” she says and walks away.
What the hell just happened? This woman, my woman, the owner of my heart and soul says less than two sentences and my fucking world is upside down, and I am incapable of knowing which way is up! Fuck! I'm losing control, and we're not even married yet! Fuck! Where the hell is Bastille?
I walk out into the living room where Taylor is waiting, and he looks like he's going to deliver some bad news. I think I've already reached my limit today.
"Mr. Grey, Bastille is out of town..." he starts.
"What?" I snap, I pace within three foot radius making Taylor uneasy, and stop right in front of him.
"Where the hell is he?"
"He was visiting his sister. Today is not his usual day for your workout. He is on his way back, but it'll take him about three hours or a little less depending on when he leaves... Should you wish sir, he'll meet you in three hours."
"Three hours... three hours... Three fucking hours!" I'm either having a heart attack, or a panic attack. My heart is pounding, my chest hurts, and it's getting harder to breathe. There's an awful pit in my stomach.
Anastasia comes out dressed up in her plum dress that I like so much which hugs her curves at all the right places.
"Sawyer!" I call and he comes out to the living room.
"Take Miss Steele to my parents' house. Call me when you get there, and text me when you're leaving."
"Yes, sir," he replies.
"Bye Christian, I'll see you tonight," she says and gives me a chaste kiss right on the corner of my lips. As she's taking a step away to go; hating the distance between us, I grab her hand by the wrist, and pull her forcefully to me and she's flush with my body. I take her face in my hands and kiss her passionately. I'm not one for public affection, but I desperately want her to know that she's mine, that I desire her to be mine in every fucking way possible! By the time I'm done kissing her, we're both breathless.
"Uhm...” she says swallowing, flushed tomato red, "I'll see you later tonight."
"Yeah. I'll be working late."
"I'm running to Flynn's," I say to Taylor without a preamble.
"If you give me two minutes I will join you in your run. But, I must insist that you let me drive, sir."
"Taylor, I need to be on the move, I want to run."
"I'll run with you sir."
"I'd rather be alone, Taylor!"
"Mr. Grey, paparazzi has camped ten mile radius of Escala, sir. And they've been camping all around our regular route to catch a glimpse of you or Miss Steele. Since we have had two encounters today, I would highly suggest that I drive you sir, or at least let me run with you."
"Fine! Suit up!" I say like a petulant child.
Taylor is nothing if he's not an efficient man. Without wasting an extra word in the discussion, he turns around and runs to his quarters to get changed. I take out my Blackberry and dial Flynn.
"Good evening, Christian," he answers the phone at the second ring.
"Flynn, I'm have to see you in your office. Meet me in twenty."
"Well, Christian, it so happens that I haven't left my office yet. But, let me call my wife and inform her I'll be late since this isn't your scheduled session."
"Fine," I say and hang up.
As I make my way to the foyer, Taylor comes out.
"Mr. Grey, let's take a different route to Dr. Flynn's office this time. Sawyer had to elude some paparazzi as he was driving..." he says and I cut him off.
"Are they okay? Is Miss Steele alright?"
"Yes, sir. Nothing he couldn't handle. I suggest that we take the back exit," he says and waits for me to lead the way. “It was nothing like this morning, and your talk with the press this afternoon dispersed the larger crowd. These are probably the late comers.”