How to Stand Out at Your Job: Be More Confident

Have you ever found a physically unattractive person attractive? As this question implies, the attraction had nothing to do with looks, so it must've been the other external display: personality. But it's not just any personality, it's one that conveys confidence. You can spot a confident person, physically attractive or not, from a mile away. They carry themselves with a certain swagger. They hold to their convictions and beliefs. They are not easily agitated. And we can't help but attach to those people like a barnacle on a ship's hull. Why? Because confidence is extremely attractive. But just as we can narrow in on one who's confident, we can narrow in on somebody who's not.

You can tell a lot about a person's level of confidence from their non-verbals. Are they fidgeting? Do their eyes shift up and to the side when talking to certain people? Do they alter putting their hands in and out of their pockets? These are all signs of nervousness, and there are plenty more to list. Admittedly, I am familiar with the signs I just mentioned because I have, on numerous occasions, exhibited those non-verbals. Being a life-long improver of self, I have analyzed when and where - and with whom - this most often takes place. The with whom is key here, because it tells us there is a certain individual or group of individuals that make us nervous. And that can only mean two things: we've had previous interactions with these people that weren't the best or these people resemble others from our past that made us quite (emotionally) uncomfortable. As a result, we'd prefer to avoid these types of people at all costs. When we're forced to face them, whether by working cross-functionally or gathering in a meeting setting, our emotions heat up and pretty soon we're stuttering, in need of water, or our face is turning bright red. It sucks.

So what do we do? What's the solution if avoidance really isn't? Clearly, we need practice talking or presenting in front of certain people without showing signs of nervousness. You're not going to like this, but the only way to blast away the nerves is to keep at it. With those same people. We may stutter, we may fidget, we might even throw up afterward. But we'll become better, more resilient professionals in the workplace because of it. I would like to point out though that if the nervousness persists (where visits to the bathroom are a common occurrence), there is something deeper you're dealing with. Other tell-tale signs of a lack of self-confidence is when we declare we don't like certain types of people within seconds of saying "Hi" to them. There is a reason why we're bothered; people don't just exist to be disliked.

If we look at the confident person though, we see them handle all interactions - in particular, the awkward ones - gracefully and without getting rattled. It isn't a chore. It doesn't take effort. They're just able to do it. I know people like this at work and they easily stand out above the rest. I've learned by watching them that what drives this display of brimming confidence is being comfortable with who they are, shortcomings and all. They are truly fine with laughing at themselves when they make a mistake, confronting someone who isn't meeting his/her business objectives, and taking hard-to-like people out to lunch. What's more, they don't fidget and their hands are far from their pockets.

If we want to be confident, it starts with being comfortable with every part of who we are. No ugly apologies. Just a whole lot of beauty.

Thanks for reading,

Tim