My Journey from Extreme Introvert to an Extrovert and Back

I wanted to be social, but I didn't know how to. There was a time when I was an introvert. Extremely introvert. I'll talk with myself inside my head - playing out elaborate conversations that I never had the social courage or opportunity to have in real life. In a party I would feel alone, while people were having wild fun, I stuck out like a sore thumb, wondering who should I talk to, or whether I should just leave. Here's a guide to all law students our there, on how to overcome the fear and stand out in a crowd. Read on.

I was an extreme introvert

Once an aunt of mine told me I should not become a lawyer, because I will find the profession difficult as I am an extreme introvert. Becoming a teacher in a government school or college will be safer, she said.

But I wouldn't accept it

I didn't agree. I didn't accept what seemed inevitable to others. Deep inside I wanted to be a star performer – giving speeches, charming people, centre of attraction wherever I go. That is what I wanted to experience – being a master communicator.

I made a fool of myself

So, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I made a fool of myself many times. I ignored social etiquettes and rules to learn more about human interactions. I risked people thinking that I am rude, or creepy, or too over bearing. I soon realised I was imagining many of those rules, and confident people routinely flout those so-called rules, while shy people like me use those rules as excuses to not interact with people.

The hard way was the only way

I had no choice. I was not a social person to start with. Only way to learn was to take action towards what I wanted. The only alternative, which I absolutely hated and will not accept – was to accept I am an introvert and remain that way for the rest of my life.

I constantly drew myself into situations where I had to talk to strangers. I travelled alone so that I will meet other travellers and locals on the way. I sought out opportunities to make presentations and give speeches. I still remember my first year debate selection – I went, tried to speak, was completely tongue tied – and mumbled a few things. I was visibly shaking from the tension of public speaking. I was depressed from the abject failure, but I didn't stop at that. I took up a bigger challenge.

Initiation into commercial communication

IMS wanted to go to a school in Kolkata and talk about law as a career – in English of course. They invited me because I once topped law entrance for NUJS – I agreed, but I suggested they invite another student, who was much more articulate than me. She spoke at the event for a few minutes, but I felt that a lot remained unsaid. So I took the microphone when she was done and started conversing with the students. I asked them about what is their career of choice. I asked them why they prefer certain career over others. I was actually communicating with them. After the talk, Rajneesh Singh – IMS's product head, and Sreemoyee Dev – who was an IMS coordinator at that time – congratulated me for having a great rapport with the students. And this opened a door in my mind. I was not supposed to give a speech after all – public speaking was all about the rapport! It was about being in the middle of people, about talking to them, making them think, inspiring them to take action.

Teaching: what changed my life forever

I wanted regular speaking engagements – so I started teaching. Help from Rajneesh Singh of IMS was instrumental in my initiation in teaching. Teaching had a long lasting effect on me as I developed and polished my communication style. I loved it – on the best days, I could keep a room full of students spell bound. Sometimes, I would continue the classes well past the allotted time – and the students will still be there, an hour or two past the time when the class should have been finished – very happy to learn more about a subject that they enjoyed. I thrived on the positive energy and aspirations of my students.

I had to admit my shortcomings – without that there is no progress

These were my baby steps towards opening myself up for more social interactions. I was not afraid or ashamed to admit what I considered my shortcomings, unlike most people. That opened me up to seek help, to read books (some of my friends used to laugh at me for this) and observe the socially successful folks keenly - all to learn the art myself. Where most people take being an introvert or extrovert as a hand dealt by fate, or nature, which is completely out of control – I saw it as a preference and personal goal.

Going too far down the road

I am not going to claim that I have achieved pinnacle of social success, but I don't live inside my head any more. I can go and talk to a stranger if I want to. I can connect to people and share their joy and excitement. I love public speaking. I loved the attention I so far received as a speaker or a teacher.

Then one day, realisation dawned on me. My personality transformed. I am not an introvert any more. I may have become more social, but now I need attention from other people to keep myself engaged and happy. I do not like to be on my own for too long.

Who wants to become a pathological attention seeker? Who wants their happiness and peace to depend on other people? This is not the goal I started with. It seemed that I am headed too far down the road.

Why it is important to be an introvert too – but for the right reasons

It is important to teach ourselves the art of quiet. We cannot let ourselves become too dependent on the outside environment. We cannot react to every person, to every noise around us. We need to find our peace. Our good feelings should not be so fragile that they shatter with every bad occurrence in our lives. This is what I would like to achieve now. I do not advocate this for those who are introvert out of compulsion, because you have no choice. Being introvert is not bad after all – but being an introvert and feeling like a caged animal for not being able to communicate is terrible.

We have to find the right balance

If you are an introvert, you are missing out on a lot. Happiness, intellectual thrills, spiritual joy – these are better experienced when you can freely connect to other people. It is also important from a personality and career development point of view.

Why did I tell you all these?

Most of us need to resolve some of personality and aspirational issues in our lives. I am still working on myself. May be you are doing it too. The only reason I told you this story is that I want you to know and believe that personality can change if you are willing to change it. You must want it badly enough for it to happen though. Just push yourself out of your comfort zone, and the transformation will begin.