Empathy: A Seven-Letter Secret to Success

Even from the backseat I sensed my mom’s sadness. My dad had slowed the car down in front of a single-floor ranch house that was a big step up from our family’s cozy but leaky abode. My parents couldn't get the loan to buy the ranch house, even though Dad was moonlighting as a security guard and driving a cab in addition to his full-time job as an underground cable splicer.

My nine-year-old heart hurt because my parents couldn't get that house.

“One day,” I told myself, “I’m going to help my parents buy their dream home.”

Last week, I wrote about the importance of dreaming. Your comments were inspiring and insightful: Intern Charlie Cox isn't letting anyone steal his dream of making his smartphone game a sensation. Virginia Schmitt Perdue is embracing her inner artist, proving it’s never too late to redefine success for yourself. And Ryan Somers, you observed that dreaming big—mixed with hard work and hunger—is a powerful formula.

Ryan, I couldn’t agree more. Which is why I want to get concrete and write about how we can architect our dreams into reality.

Without hard work and hunger—as well as high standards, planning, artful execution, and accountability—visions rarely come to fruition. But something else is required. A seven-letter word we don’t hear enough about in school or in performance reviews.

That word is empathy.

Which brings me back to my parents. As a kid, I empathized with their situation. Because I felt their pain, I wanted to help them. Even more, their dream became mine.

The empathy I experienced as a kid scaled as I grew older. Always, I’ve put myself in other people’s shoes, from my bosses to my direct reports to my customers. What did they desire? What problems did they need to overcome? What did they want? Asking these questions helps us to understand people’s needs. Trying to fulfill those needs allows all of us to more successfully pursue our respective aspirations.

Let me be more specific:

Empathy for employers
You’re on LinkedIN, so career aspirations are on your mind. My suggestion? Go after every job with a clear understanding of what you want—but also know what your potential employer wants, or what your new manager needs. Before interviews, research the organization’s big challenges. In the interview, ask a potential boss about her own objectives. Then, articulate how your background, skills, and ideas can help her as well as the organization succeed.

When I went after my first sales management position, I competed with more experienced applicants. I knew the hiring manager (also my future boss) was ambitious and liked to win. So I went into my interview with a 100-day plan that explained the steps I’d take to turn my future sales team into the top new-business sales team in the country. I promised to make us #1. Apparently, the other applicants didn’t have a plan or a goal. She gave me the job.

Empathy for colleagues
We also must have empathy for the people we work with. What are our coworkers’ talents? What motivates them? More important, what are their dreams?

After I landed that sales manager role, I asked each person on my team to share their dreams with the group. One coworker wanted to travel to Europe. Another had to pay off a student loan. Once each of us knew what our colleagues wanted, we worked harder to help each other achieve our individual goals—which in turn helped propel our team to the #1 spot I’d promised to hit.

Empathy for customers
As a door-to-door salesperson, I began every sales call by listening and learning before selling and telling. Only by understanding someone’s business could I suggest the most appropriate product.

Now, as a CEO, curiosity remains key to understanding changing markets. This past year, whenever I asked global CEOs to tell me the obstacles they faced, the concern I heard most often was that their companies were too complex. Operations were too layered, they said. Internal processes hindered versus spurred innovation. As a result of what I heard, the company I now lead, SAP, has refocused on simplifying everything we do, from the software we create to our own operations.

Steve Jobs was famous for saying that people don’t know what they want until you show it to them. We aren’t all as prescient. And we cannot assume that we know what our customers, our colleagues, or our employers desire. We have to observe. We have to ask. We have to care. Then, we have to work hard to deliver.

Ultimately, empathy is about figuring out what matters to others people, and then doing something about it. In business, aligning others’ needs with our desires can be a win for all.

Sometimes, however, what we learn about other people will not coincide with what we want. Deep down, we know when someone else’s needs supersede our own, and we can choose to act in their best interests. That’s admirable. To sacrifice, to serve others’ needs before our own, is how we win at life.

As for my parents? After a few years as a salesman, I kept my promise and saved enough money to help them purchase a dream home.