I Feel Bad for Not Feeling Worse

A friend of mine told me about his father passing away and commented: “I feel bad for not feeling worse.” I know how he feels because I am probably facing a similar feeling when my father passes away. In fact, my father may have already passed away, for all I know.

(To be clear, at last word from my dad – many years ago – he was financially secure and in good health.)

If you have a great father or even a good enough father it is hard to understand the sentiment. But the words of my friend hit a chord. They struck me for being so laser perfect in expressing the feeling I have toward my own father. If I heard of his passing, it would be sad but it probably wouldn’t disrupt my day. It might even be a relief.

People dying probably shouldn’t make us sad. The passing of a great person or a great friend or family member is an opportunity to celebrate their greatness. Nobody lives forever and there are few of us who would want to.

The goal is to live a life worth celebrating. I had occasion to look up the obituary of an acquaintance who passed away a couple years ago. The fact that I could not even find their basic obituary was disturbing.

I will say this, my father’s contributions to the aerospace industry were small but important. He was a talented engineer. But his children and his children’s children may yet prove to be his greater legacy, though he had limited interest in that outcome.

Yes, we do have that feeling sometimes, like my friend. We feel bad for not feeling worse. But that’s not our fault. It’s probably excellent motivation to make that contribution to the world and to our community that will give our friends lots of things to celebrate when that distant day arrives that we breathe our last.