Kindness of Strangers

Growing up in a middle class family, one of the values inculcated early into me was to never rely on the kindness of strangers and especially not to ask for it. Never ask for help. It is equivalent of degrading yourself, bending down in front of another. It is giving them an opportunity to put you down or even take advantage of your situation – this was the lesson we were taught as kids.

I have come across numerous other people from similar background who are loathe to ask for help even from friends and consider it a personal tragedy if they ever need help from anyone outside immediate family. I tend to think this as a typical middle class phenomenon – connected with a certain type of middle class pride.

As I grew up, I realised that successful people build a network of mutual support around themselves. They help many people without asking questions or keeping account and many people around them do the same for them as well. Successful people as well as good organizations thrive in a culture of constant generosity. It was quite a task for me to get over that cynicism and almost sub-conscious reluctance to receive help - but I eventually came to see the virtue in kindness towards strangers – both in giving and accepting it. Now I am absolutely comfortable asking for a help from even a person who is a complete stranger - and I am comfortable even being rejected. I will ask anyway – I don’t mind hearing a curt no – it does not hurt my ego anymore. It doesn't affect my psyche like it once used to.

During my recent trip to some rural areas of Gujarat, I decided to list out all instances of kindness I asked for and received from strangers - and at the end of the trip I am amazed. Many of the stories are incredible, as if out of some story book. These incidents fill me with gratitude and faith in humanity. These experiences humble me and compel me to pass on these favours forward. Let me share a few of these stories with you, and I want to know your thoughts in the comments. What is your most amazing story of receiving kindness from a stranger? Are you comfortable with such a thing? Do you wonder if you are giving away too much power to a complete stranger by asking for help?

We are used to be refused any help outside what is stipulated in the rules from anyone in official positions. Every official person, usually known as a “babu” even in the smallest of roles behaves like a petty tyrant and makes it clear that his job description does not include helping you so he would not. I met Naveenbhai in an office like that - and I wanted to charge my phone desperately - which was drained and I needed to call my office back in Delhi very urgently.

I asked Naveenbhai if I can charge my phone in his office. I had very low expectations - I was ready to cajole him a bit if needed. He was very forthcoming, and I was pleasantly surprised. I tried plugging in the charger in every available socket - but somehow my phone just wasn’t charging. Suddenly Naveenbhai stopped doing whatever he was doing, and tried to help me out because I was in a strange land where the majority of people did not even understand my words. He even tried plugging the phone into his computer. After trying for half an hour he successfully charged my phone - all with a smile and he thanked all the gods when the phone started charging because he was worried that the phone has conked off. While the efforts were on, he even gave me his own phone to make a quick call, with a request to keep it short as he had very less balance.

Then there was Manohar Barse, who runs a local newspaper in the small town of Amaravati. I met him at a meditation camp. He overheard that I am being allotted a dormitory which does not have power and water. He intervened on my behalf and ensured that I get a comfortable place. I did not even ask for this act of kindness and didn’t understand what happened until much later.

While I was living through the extreme emotional upheavals of vipassana meditation which breaks down the barriers between conscious and subconscious mind, bringing to surface years of anger, frustrations, fears and emotions - I realized to my horror that I have lost significant vision in my right eye. Without going into too much detail - I was in a village with a population of 1200 people. The village had a general physician, and the closest town where there was an eye specialist was Bhuj, 85 kms and 3 hours auto ride away. The camp organisers informed the village doctor over phone – and he came to check me on his scooter within half an hour. He examined me and said I needed immediate medical attention and should leave for Bhuj the very next day. He refused to take any fee, wrote recommendations, asked me if I can afford the treatment and to inform him if I cannot since I was not carrying my debit card or any credit cards.

The next person was Satyasheel, a dhamma sewak. He was a civil engineer before he retired and dedicated his life to alternative medicines and unusual lifestyle choices. He is upwards of seventy, but a man of exceptional brightness and energy. Satyasheel was very concerned about what will happen to me if I lose my vision at such a young age. He started teaching me some techniques he practiced. When I was leaving for Bhuj, he asked me if I had enough money and then offered to come with me to the city in case I needed looking after. I declined, but his good will for a person he met for the first time and will probably never meet again, touched my heart.

I reached Bhuj in the middle of a heat storm after a 3 hour journey in autos and shuttle cars – and met this doctor in his early thirties – Rajesh, who was introduced to me over the phone by another vipassana practitioner. He is a surgeon in Bhuj and has started his own hospital just two months back. In between his surgeries, he helped me out with everything I needed, got me a special appointment with a very busy eye surgeon who is his friend, chatted with me about life in general, and offered to let me stay the night at his hospital, told me where to go to experience the awesome street food of Bhuj. For the first time in my life I stayed in a hospital in the room where the resident super is supposed to sleep at night. I was running out of cash – he offered to give me a loan without asking how I will return it. I suggested that I will get my friends in Delhi to deposit some money to his account first – and that is what we did eventually. Imagine a very busy surgeon you met for the first time in your life doing all these things to help you out, without a moment’s hesitation or any expectation of being repaid in any way. That was true generosity.

I faced another big challenge. My flight was booked from Ahmedabad. There are hundreds of buses plying between Bhuj and Ahmedabad every day – so I did not expect any problem on this front. However, when I went to book tickets, I realised there was no available tickets for the next two days. Apparently summer vacation for kids had started and everyone was travelling out of Kutch – and every seat in every bus to Ahmedabad was taken! I found out the travel agency which had a private bus that I could take and reach Ahmedabad in time – but it had no seats. All seats were booked at least a day in advance. As the travel agency said they cannot help me anyway, I told them how important it is for me to reach Ahmedabad. I had to catch a flight. I had to come to Delhi soon to resume the treatment of my eye. They heard me – and spoke to the conductor of the bus. Then they let me travel in the conductor’s seat so that I can reach Ahmedabad in time. I paid the fare, but asked the conductor to sit from time to time during the 7 hour journey while I stood so that it does not become difficult for him, and yes – it is the best seat in a Volvo to travel in! You cannot recline or sleep, but the view from that seat is amazing. Again, generous strangers saved me a lot of trouble.

On my way back, as I was reflecting on the entire journey – I realised that my decision to travel with less money actually enriched my experience many times over. My idea was that since I want going for a meditation camp, I will be frugal. I took enough money with me to take care of things, but the sudden illness threw me totally off guard. Still, with help of strangers I did not only get by, but it strengthened my love and faith in humanity, and being good and generous to others.

It is one thing to think of these things intellectually – and quite another to actually experience in time of need. When we make ourselves vulnerable, ask with humility and faith for help of a fellow human being, that is the time we really discover the good Samaritans around us. It is a spiritual experience – which is why an insulated, safe, high class travelling experience will never be equally exhilarating and enriching.