Are You Being Criticized Too Much – Or Not Enough?
There's more than meets the eye when it comes to workplace criticism.
"Learning To Love Criticism," a piece by Tara Mohr in The New York Times, explores a new study by the linguist and tech entrepreneur Kieran Snyder, who found two differences between workplace performance reviews given to men and women.
1) Male and female employers give more negative feedback to women.
2) Negative feedback to women includes some kind of personality criticism. such as comments that the woman was “abrasive,” “judgmental” or “strident.” Only 2 percent of men’s critical reviews included negative personality comments.
The study "speaks to the impossible tightrope women must walk to do their jobs competently and to make tough decisions while simultaneously coming across as nice to everyone, all the time," Mohr wrote. Also, any woman who wants to do substantive work has to accept that she will be criticized and persevere in the face of it. Mohr says most women don't have that tool. The piece details some of the reasons for this, and what can be done about it. I particularly like one of the ideas:
Women can also benefit from interpreting feedback as providing information about the preferences and point of view of the person giving the feedback, rather than information about themselves. In other words, a negative reaction from five investors doesn’t tell a woman anything about the quality of her business idea or her aptitude for entrepreneurship; it just tells her something about what those investors are looking for.
And if those five investors love her pitch? That also doesn’t tell her about her merit as an entrepreneur; it tells her about what they are looking for in an investment. In other words, feedback is useful because it provides insight about the people we want to reach, influence and engage. With that reframing, women can filter which feedback they need to incorporate to achieve their aims, without the taxing emotional highs and lows.
I want to add a couple of thoughts to Mohr's excellent piece.
- Another way to avoid being crushed by critiques is to not get too attached to flattery or praise. Criticism hurts more if you want to please people. By focusing on the outcome, the criticism and praise lose their emotional hooks.
- When you're criticized, ask yourself which parts of the criticism will benefit you and which parts are just the opinion of the critic. You have the option of accepting the criticism as valid, regardless of how it was delivered, and acting on it, or disregarding it.
- Whether or not the critique was delivered in an acceptable, gender-neutral manner is beyond your immediate control. What you can control is your reaction. The study on which Mohr reported really also indicates that men aren't being criticized enough to benefit their development. That's as unfortunate as women being excessively criticized.
- Be blasé, even if it kills you in the moment. It's amazing what being blasé can do to diffuse energy and discourage the criticizer from dishing it out the same way next time around.
- Think of criticism as an opportunity to improve performance. Tackling your own weaknesses is a necessary part of deliberate practice. Not all mentors are intentional in their mentorship. Some, as the study and real life experience reveal, are downright archaic, ignorant or malicious. But still--you can learn from them.
One of the key leadership characteristics in the Imagination Age is empathy. If you have an employer who lacks it, take solace in knowing that as you develop your own empathy, your leadership skills will soon surpass theirs, and when you're in a similar position one day, you'll handle it better than they did. That's how change happens.
_________________________________________________________________________
Rita J King is the EVP for Business Development at Science House, a cathedral of the imagination in Manhattan focused on the art and science of doing business. She is a strategist who specializes in the development of collaborative culture by making organizational culture visible so it can be measured and transformed. She is a senior advisor to The Culture Institute in Zurich, Switzerland, and a Fellow at the Salzburg Global Forum. She makes Mystery Jars, writes about the future for Fast Company and invents story architecture, characters and novel technologies for film and TV as a futurist for the Science and Entertainment Exchange. Follow@RitaJKing on Twitter.
Photo: arda savasciogullari/Shutterstock
Office Manager at Alba Trees Ltd
10 年Criticism, or should I say constructive criticism is certainly invaluable, however, there is a fine line between constructive and negative criticism. Frequently some forms of criticism are delivered flippantly and without thought creating confusion and uncertainty. Yes, there are views that praise may not be helpful, but surely they should be equally measured out? Constructive criticism is no longer constructive when that is all one receives.
Integrative Holistic Health
10 年Constructive criticism enables one to see his or her weaknesses more clearly. It is extremely useful to overcome one's limitations. Quite often we may not have a clear understanding, tainted by our views of ourselves and our accepted limitations, therefore an outside perspective through criticism enables us to have more insight into ourselves. It requires 2 key factors: humility and the ability to listen. It is essential for personal development in order to achieve our goals.
Career Guidance Consultant
10 年Insightful and thought-provoking and invaluable for considering my current scenario, many thanks