EQ: Power to Influence

We all are very well aware of the great late Steve Jobs but what we mostly are not aware of is the first Apple 1 & Apple 2 which resulted in microcomputer revolution, were never invented by him. Steve Wozniak was the true inventor, the genius the brains who single-handedly changed the history of Computer technology. The question which comes frequently in mind is that, then how come a college dropout became the most successful entrepreneur and the most powerful CEO of Corporate America? And most importantly how come he is always credited for any of the Apple inventions? Wozniak was way ahead on IQ level compare to Steve. Irony for Wozniak the later tasted the most of the success. The answer lies in two words Emotional Intelligence.

Success requires more than IQ, which has tended to be the traditional measure of intelligence, ignoring essential behavioral and character elements. We’ve all met people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially and inter-personally inept. And we know that despite possessing a high IQ rating, success does not automatically follow.

In 21 century Business Executives, Politicians, celebrities & Entrepreneur around the globe are trained & judged on Emotional Intelligence –EQ. Don Goleman in 1985 introduced the concept of EQ. The EQ concept argues that IQ, or conventional intelligence, is too narrow; that there are wider areas of Emotional Intelligence that dictates and enable how successful we are.

For me EQ is one of the basic forms of intelligence that all human being learn from their childhood: strange enough as we grow our ability of EQ reduces. If we observe kids they have this natural ability to monitor, manipulate emotions & use emotional information to misguide our thinking & behavior.

Imagine a family with three kids: I consider any family a good replica of an organizational structure of any corporate world; being run by a board (parents) and influenced by a lot of external factors (relatives, friends, job etc.). Having three layers of hierarchy amongst the kids with the eldest being the bully & the boss. Middle one being the one who end up having to do most of the dirty work and get the blame of all the malfunctions of the house. And the youngest that lives in his own world of Oz & spoiled by utter love of his parents and always challenged by the two superior layers above him.

When any of kids desire or wish to get something done by his parents, they observe & distinguish the mood of their parents. Choose the best person to talk to: at the right time & with the right PUSH to achieve their goal. Depending on with whom he will be having this discussion (amongst the parents) he will choose the time when he has accomplished something that can make at least one of the parents happy (good tactics to start the discussion with a pleasant reception): he will remind them of how much they wanted him to achieve that task; therefore reducing all possible excuses from the parents to reject his wish: which he will share at end of discussion but before that he will ensure that his audience is emotionally by his side now and he have finally gained their empathy.

If you observe and had scrutinized the above situation, then you will agree, in our professional lives we all go through such kind of scenarios & discussions with our superiors or customers on daily basis. This dimension of EQ is called Social awareness. Ability to read or sense other people’s emotions and how to impact on the situation of interest or concern. The competencies for this dimension include: empathy, organizational awareness, and service

Being the equidistant of the three siblings, the second son will wake up with the challenge to outperform his elder brother to gain attention & being noticed by us and also keeping the feeling of rivalry from my third son. His only way to succeed is to understand his parents & his brother’s emotions. He had come up with his own competitive distinction and capitalized it by using his parent’s emotions to persuade them to try this new thing that he is doing and the eldest have never done it before. Therefore he has to act secretly so that his elder brother could not steal his idea. Therefrom he was sharp enough to realize that the only way to keep his elder brother away from getting his competitive advantage is by massaging the ego of his big brother. So he kept doing whatever the elder brother asked him of. Copied him in all way & doing so he emotionally kept the elder brother in his safe zone and then one day he unleashed his competitive advantage against his elder brother. Changing the whole setup at home and challenging the bully (big brother) in a way that he couldn't understand and now it was too late for him to react. Such dimension of EQ is called Self-Management: ability to keep negative emotions and impulsive behavior under control, stay calm and unflappable even under stressful situations, maintain a clear and focused mind directed on accomplishing a task. The required competencies for this dimension are: optimism, self-control, transparency, and adaptability

Knowing that the only way to survive in the house with two elder brothers, the youngest kid quickly understood that his parents has a soft heart towards him but his brothers will be challenging him on each and every step. He decides to forcefully get his right from his brothers by using his parent’s emotions & love for him as a shield in front of the elder brothers. So whenever parents comes home he would be the first one to run and greet them ensuring that he gets the first share of love. He will exploit his parent’s feelings with emotional gestures. And by the time his brothers would come complaining about his mischievous they will not get a receptive audience since parent’s emotions were well managed by the youngest. Such dimension of EQ is called Self-Awareness: ability of an individual to be in tune with her/his own feelings and to recognize the impact that her/his feelings have on others. The emotional competencies that underpin this dimension include: emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, and self-confidence.

I can share a lot of other examples of kids EQ and I am sure if you observe your kids you will also be surprised to see how emotionally strong they are. And how much one can learn from them.

We’ll have less arguments and more cooperation, if we can show high emotional intelligence in their working environment.