The Best Decision I Ever Made

 With 2 weeks officially left in summer, my city just weathered a very powerful winter storm that broke a 120 year record low and left a trail of snow damage on every street. Nearly every tree in the city lost some branches and others were far worse for wear. In fact, over 30,000 homes and businesses were left without power due to snow-laden trees and branches falling all over the city.

Driving around and surveying the damage in my neighbourhood really got me thinking about resilience in the face of adversity and misfortune. While nearly every tree lost a part of itself, the vast majority of each tree was left standing and perfectly intact. It's very easy to focus on and lament the loss of the one fallen branch instead of celebrating the strength of the standing tree.

Life has an uncanny way of throwing storms and trials our way, and we usually adapt to the challenge and get through it. We may pick up some scars or feel like we've lost a bit of ourselves in the process, but it's important to remember that the vast majority of who we are comes through it stronger than ever. The cleanup will occur, the branches will regrow and trees will be replanted. Which brings me to a reflection upon the best decision I ever made.

I will bend, but I will not break.

Something I have in common with everyone else is that I've suffered through some difficult times and came through the other side. One particularly devastating life event occurred in the summer of 1997. I lost everything I owned and nearly died in a house fire. Some people consider it a miracle that I managed to wake up from a dead sleep and get out of the basement mere minutes before the flames engulfed the entire inside of the house.

I allowed that event to get the better of me for quite some time. I did not bend, I broke. I had very vivid, recurring nightmares about being burned alive for years afterwards, and the smell of smoke in the house to this day sets off alarms in my head. If I had a dollar for every time I've yelled, 'What's burning?!" down the stairs while dinner was harmlessly cooking in the oven, I'd be able to retire. But time has filled in most of the emotional wounding that day left upon my psyche and I've been left with fleeting images and an overall emotional impression that is very easy to process.

Then in December of 2012, my wife and I experienced a shared traumatic event when our son Max was born premature at 24 weeks and 3 days. It was an emergency surgery situation that left me standing outside of a hospital operating room desperately waiting for any news of my child and terrified that I'd never see my wife alive again.

Those minutes seemed like an eternity as I was overwhelmed by a reeling mind that bombarded me with an endless supply of horrible scenarios. Then it all stopped. I was filled with a clarity that I'd never before experienced and I made the most conscious decision of my entire life. I will bend, but I will not break. Regardless of what happens, I will deal with it. No matter what the circumstances are, I will treasure every minute of this glorious existence.

Thankfully they both made it through the surgery, however my son Max eventually succumbed three weeks later to the host of complications resulting from such a premature birth. He earned the nickname Miracle Max from the amazing NICU doctors and nurses who witnessed him survive through multiple surgeries that had greater than 90% terminal rates. He defied these incredible odds again and again until it was all finally too much for him to bear. Two days before Christmas, he finally drew his last breath and received the rest he deserved after such a brave battle for his little life.

My son taught me the true strength of the human spirit and showed me just how precious and precarious all Life truly is. His short time with us was filled with suffering, but his fight for every moment touched the lives of hundreds of people and left his impression upon every one of them. His greatest gift to me came in the form of a resounding mental and emotional shift that occurred in those few earth-shattering moments where time stopped and all was clear.

I will bend, but I will not break.

This powerful epiphany left such a profound impact upon me that I have not been the same since. I am filled with gratitude, awe and a determination to make every day count for something in a way that would not have been possible had I not been tempered in the fires of that experience. It drives me forward in a way where I am no longer capable of compromising my vision due to fear or discomfort.

When we fear that we will break, we don't learn how to bend. And that's how events get the better of us. When we make a conscious decision to seize control of our life, instead of being a victim to circumstance and subject to the whims of others, the possibilities become endless. When you finally learn how strong you are and actively make a determination to embrace it with the full force of your being, the fear dissolves and is replaced by an internal fire that burns without end.

I will bend, but I will not break.