Be A Better Parent, Have A Better Career

Many professionals feel torn between their work and personal lives, which is why a few years ago I created a mantra that I can use 24/7: be generous and expert, trustworthy and clear, open-minded and adaptable, persistent and present.

I committed the sentence to memory, and ever since it has guided me to make better decisions, establish more effective priorities, and strengthen my most important relationships. Most importantly, it reduces the tension I used to feel between being a good parent and serving the needs of my clients.

Let’s break it down from the perspective of both your work and personal lives…

Be generous: Think of others before you think of yourself. Whenever you interact with another person, let the first three words in your mind be “help this person”.

At home, this means putting your five-year-old’s agenda as high or higher as your own, and resisting the impulse to think her interests are less important than your own. In your career, help others long before you even consider asking someone else for a favor.

Be expert: Be very good at something that other people value. This may be something you were born to do, or it may be a basic task that helps you establish your career and prove your value.

At home, by being an expert you model one of the most important lessons in life. Your kids will learn that they have a responsibility to contribute to the world; they can’t succeed with an “entitled” mindset. At work, expertise is the single best engine for your career.

Be trustworthy: Do the right thing, proactively, even when no one is looking.

At home, this line can get very fuzzy. Parents play fast and loose with the truth, and many constantly “promise” to play with their kids in five/ten/fifteen minutes, only to time and again ignore their promise. Big mistake, for this shows kids that a promise is meaningless.

At work, being trustworthy sets you apart from the too many companies and professionals who are unreliable. Trust should be common, but it is not.

Be clear: What do you want? What are your priorities? If you can’t answer these question, no one else can, either.

The greatest gift you can give another is to be crystal clear that they are one of your top priorities.

Be open-minded: If you want to bring out the talent in other people, you have to look past your own biases, otherwise you will only be helpful to people who are clones of yourself.

It is a big mistake to try and turn your children into your clones, although many parents have tried… I’ve watched more than a few parents push their kids to their alma mater, only to have the kids be miserable, flunk out, or both.

It is an equally big mistake to think that the only people of value at work are those who agree with you.

Be adaptable: When the future surprises you, it shouldn’t be that surprising. Change is not a threat, it is the natural order of the world.

Wake up every day knowing that it may not go anything like what you planned. Find joy in adapting to the way the world is, rather than how you hoped it would be.

Be persistent: If you want something badly enough, you need to work at it. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. You can’t be trustworthy and supportive for a week, then slide back into less admirable qualities.

By taking the long view, you can remain calm and focused even in the midst of “emergencies”. In some households – and workplaces – nearly everything is an emergency; in reality, very few events are emergencies. If you are persistent in the face of obstacles and detours, you will learn to take things in stride and keep moving towards the things that are most important to you.

Be present: Don’t let the past, or the future, destroy your relationships. When someone is talking to you, listen. When something happens, pay attention.

Acquire the skill to make another person feel as though what he or she is saying and doing is the only thing in the world that matters to you at this moment. It will enrich your life and strengthen your career.

Bruce Kasanoff is a ghostwriter for entrepreneurs and executives. Learn more at Kasanoff.com. He is the author of How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.

Image: Peter Ras/Flickr. An earlier version of this article appeared on Forbes.