Reframing the Leader "Bitch"

You know her all too well. She's the one that will do anything to forward her agenda and get ahead. She's a powerhouse. And you avoid her at all costs.

Yeah, you know, the bitch.

You might never be inclined to call her a leader, even though her traits are classically associated with (male?) leadership.

Facebook CEO Sheryl Sandberg talks about how female leaders, from toddlerhood to CEO must contend with the word bossy, aka, bitch. Women who are coloring outside the lines of acceptable female behavior. She's even started a campaign aimed at young girls called "Ban Bossy" to encourage our girls to raise their hands, sit at the table and lean in.

I invite you to see things in a different light.

Like most of the entrenched expectations of feminine behavior, we women have drunk a potent dose of the cultural Kool-Aid. This bias runs deep, informed by eons of cultural conditioning that tells us women should not, must not, ever be opinionated, contentious, demanding or self-serving, and should instead be accommodating, conciliatory and operate at all times for the greater good. In other words, shut up, overwork and overproduce, don't rock the boat or ever ask for anything in return.

I want you to consider making friends with the Bitch. Yes, the leader. Ask her to lunch. Ask her what she wants and needs, and what she's passionate about. Ask her where she needs support. What you discover may just transform your relationship with power, and lead to an influential partnership in which you bring your innate strengths and work/life experiences to accomplish a common goal. (Those questions are at the heart of interest-based negotiation, by the way.)

She's not a bitch. She's you on your best day.

And if we want the workplace to look more like us, we need both of you to see each other in another light, and rather than conform to expectation, it's high time we start focusing on getting the workplace to conform to us.