You can't win at work if you're losing at home

Three years ago, I sat down with my manager, Mike. He wanted to promote me into his old role... leading a large global sales team covering over 25 offices in 5 continents. It was a tremendous opportunity, and I was worried. I had two small children (now three!) and knew how much travel would be required. I was so excited about the larger role, and yet fearful that it would keep me from being the father and husband that I wanted to be.

After discussing this with my wife, I sat down to speak with Mike. I wanted the job, but couldn't do it like he had. Perhaps I could do it differently… I was willing to sign up for a trip per month, probably about a third less travel than he had done. If that was acceptable, I’d take the job and do my best to deliver amazing results. If that was unacceptable, I would thank him for his consideration and pass on the opportunity.

Mike and I discussed my idea, and he agreed that this could work. I took the job.

Many people feel trying to set work/life boundaries with your manager is a sign of lack of commitment to the company. That's crap. Setting great boundaries lets you be your best. Otherwise, in the midst of being a high performer at work, you are going to burn out, let unhappiness creep in, or become resentful. You can't win at work if you're losing at home… at least not sustainably.

Try to take control of your boundaries. It does not always work, but I suspect that there is more flexibility than you think.

The other key lesson is that you never has as much leverage with your manager as right before you take the job offer, so it's a perfect time to ensure that you can do the job on terms that you (and your family) are comfortable with.