Parental Rights and Obligations - Only got worse

Since 2009 when this article was written, the situation just got

worse.

This is a very sad and even disturbing case but it is still what it is - Israel from 2009 to 2014 nothing changed for better.

A True Case from a Legal/Human Point of View - The Right and Obligation to Educate

Before entering into the details of the case, I would like to emphasize the importance of this issue. It is also important to understand that the laws in Israel are different than in the United States, although the executive branch in Israel behaves similarly to that in the U.S.

For those who have a family and children and are worried about the educational system in Israel, I am sorry to say that I have no good news to relate.

The rights of the parents are being constantly diminished, but the legal system has higher and higher expectations from the parents. Therefore, the delicate balance maintained in the past between the obligations and rights of the parents to educate their children has been eliminated.

Presently, the most acute problems facing parents today are:

• How to set limits with teenagers, without getting into legal problems.
• The parent’s right to educate without feeling guilty.
• Bullying in the schools.
• Sex, drugs, depression and communication.

In this article I want to discuss the destructive consequences caused by one small mistake that any one of us could have experienced.

In order to preserve the privacy of the individuals involved, the names and some details have been changed.

I represented the mother in a fight against the legal system in Israel. I won the battle and the family lost the war.

Anna divorced her first husband, Jeremy, after 10 years of marriage. From this marriage they had four children. On the day the “earthquake” occurred, the children were ages:

Jenny – 14
Rachel – 12
Leo – 10
Moshe – 6
Anna – 39

Three years after the divorce, Anna met David, an intelligent and healthy man. He was the polar opposite of her first husband Jeremy. David was 43 when the “earthquake” hit. He is also divorced, the father of three children, who live with his ex-wife.

The relationship between David and Jeremy was decent in the beginning, but deteriorated with time. The relationship between David, Anna, and her children, were always good. Anna and David were not born in Israel. When the event being described occurred, they already had been living in Israel for 15 years and were happy here.

David was an idealist and was helping raise Anna’s children as his own. Everyone agreed, including the children and the system, that David was a good step-father. David helped support his new wife and her children. Even though Anna worked, it was not enough to support herself and her family. Jeremy did not have the means to help with child support, so Anna knew she couldn’t depend on him.

In the beginning of the fourth year of the marriage, Jenny, now a rebellious teenager, with problems of self-esteem, in school, decided not to accept David’s authority at home. This was a slowly developing process in her attitude.

On a summer evening, after an argument between David and Jenny, Jenny pushed David against the wall. She threatened to run away from home and began to leave the house. David, who was legally physically assaulted and deeply offended, held Jenny by the arms. She then spat in his face. He lost his head and gave her two strong slaps in the face. From this episode, there was a chain reaction and nothing was ever the same. The two slaps in the face turned into a major crime.

Immediately after this incident, Jenny ran to the social worker’s (Sophie) office, which was nearby. Jenny and Sophie were already acquainted because of problems Jenny had been having at school. Sophie received Jenny in her office. After 10 minutes, they were already on their way to the police station.

In less than three hours after slapping his step-daughter, the police were knocking on David’s door. He was taken to the police station. This was in the presence of the other children and the neighbors. The house was searched for weapons, as David was now considered a dangerous and violent citizen. In Israel, you are considered guilty de facto, until you can prove your innocence. Due process in Israel is still a long way off from due process in the U.S.

David was taken into custody; his pictures, fingerprints and DNA were taken. After two hours of interrogation, he was released, but under severe limitations. David had a restraining order not to get near the house for 15 days and it was forbidden for him to have any physical or verbal contact with Jenny. David was released on bail. Anna was devastated.

After 15 days, David returned home. Anna was divided between David and the children, and was trying to rebuild the shaken and hurt family. Neither Anna nor David could imagine that this was the beginning of the end. Even the strong love and connection that they had between them could not hold up under the strain of the event. After this incident, Jenny left the house and went to live with her father. Everyone thought at that time it was the best solution for the coming months.

Five weeks on and the family was still in turmoil when David received a notification from the District Attorney. He was served with an indictment, with the State of Israel vs. David, charged with assault against a minor, with a maximum sentence of seven years imprisonment.

Jeremy and Jenny testified against David to the police. Rachel, Leon and Moshe were also interrogated and videotaped in their school. They testified positively in favor of David. In spite of their favorable testimony, the expert in the police decided that their testimony was false because of their dependence on their mother and David.

As you can see, the child detectives in the police have enormous legal power, in addition to “psychic” powers that enable them to “read” the children’s minds.

The next week, David received another request to appear in court. This time Jeremy sued Anna for custody, claiming that she was an unfit mother. Jeremy asked the court to change the original terms of their divorce agreement. In addition to his request for custody of the children, he was also requesting child support payments from Anna. Until this point, Jeremy had had no complaints regarding Anna’s mothering abilities.

David is now in a very bad position. Everyone is against him. He knows if he stays in the marriage he will be in constant danger. Even worse, he knows that Anna’s other children now know that they have gained a new-found power within the system.

Anna knows she is on the brink of losing her family and does not want this to happen. She also does not want to lose David and the marriage. There is nothing she can do.

I could fill up here more than 600 pages of court protocols regarding this case. But I will make this story short. Two years were spent fighting the courts. The family court lost the case, meaning that Jeremy received temporary custody and alimony. I had to appeal the case. I won the appeal and received a unanimous decision of the three judges who annulled the decision of the family court.

In the end, Anna kept full custody of her children. Jeremy, who was looking for revenge and money, forgot the children, and continued his minimal involvement with them.

Jeremy still owes Anna thousands of dollars that the court awarded her. Anna and David spent more than $25,000 in legal costs, money that should and could have been used for the children’s education and future.

Anna went into deep debt of almost $60,000. She returned to England with her children, stating that she would never return to Israel, nor allow her children to visit. Needless to say, serving in the army became out of the question.

Jeremy has no money to hire lawyers to request, according to the Hague Agreement, the return of the children to Israel. He knows that after three years that the children have adapted to their new environment, his chances of bringing the children back to Israel will be nonexistent. In fact, Jeremy never really wanted custody of the children.

Jenny lived with her father for one year. After that she became a street girl and went to live with a 30-year-old man. She used light drugs and worked in waitressing jobs. The relations between Jenny and Anna are very cold and they have contact only via the telephone.

Every one of them had to, during the legal process; undergo a psychological and psychiatric evaluation as dictated by the court and the law. Every member of the family was found to have problems, some more serious than others. Until this legal battle began, they were considered to be functional and successful students and citizens. They never had any problems with any authorities.

The entire family underwent severe humiliation from the school, the police interrogations, and the neighbors. For all of their mental stress, they were awarded only $12,000 compensation.

David was found guilty of assault of a minor and served the minimum sentence of 60 hours of community work, which is the minimum service. David is now living with a new wife, who has no children. He lost his job and had to change his profession. In spite of his financial stress, he has a very quiet life.

In this case, too many ministries were involved, the ombudsman, family court, criminal court, court of appeals, a total of seven judges involved in the case, and a small fortune spent by the family and the State.

I won the battle and the family lost the war. The State of Israel lost an excellent family. The father lost his children. The mother lost her daughter and her husband. If I knew this in the very beginning, I would have done every legal move to allow them to immediately move to England, or even to Argentina, where David came from.

Although David had three good years with Anna, he does not want any contact with her, while she is still in love with him.

It is 2009 and everyday people are arrested for similar reasons, step-parents are harassed and always thought of as suspicious in the eyes of the authorities.

No law has ever been passed in Israel where it is not allowed for a parent to slap their child in the face. The prohibition is the result of a Supreme Court decision of 2002. Today you can find yourself accused of assault if you scream at your children, punish them too severely, or hit them. In fact, new voices are being heard, that you can be accused and indicted for “educating” your children. In other words, if I don`t educate according to the dictates of the court, then I am a criminal.

The divorce rate in Israel is on the rise, especially for second marriages. The number of divorced women who never remarry is on the rise as well.

The crime rate is higher than ever, teachers are scared of the parents and the students, children are no longer afraid of anyone. Society is trying to protect the children but they forgot that they need parents to educate them. In order to educate their children, parents need authority. Parental authority has been diminished by the system in the last ten years. Very little is left. Legislators are scared to deal with this issue so as not to lose their popularity.

Before you file a complaint and begin a process that is impossible to stop, think of the consequences. Seek help in any way you can, before involving the system. Do not rush to judge others. You can always consult with a lawyer before making an impulsive decision that may cost you or your family, or others, very dearly.