How to Get Respect at Work

We run our company, Human Workplace, exactly the way we suggest that other organizations should be run. We don't have policies or fixed working hours, and if we had already decided that we'd record a webinar or write a course outline on Thursday but at the last minute we decide that we prefer Friday, then we change the plan. We don't make sales forecasts.

We made a six-month sales forecast when we launched. After six months we were way over our projections so we decided sales forecasts were a waste of our time, along with nearly every yardstick we had chafed under in the traditional business world.

Some days we're deep in curriculum writing and drawing, and other days we consult or coach or prepare for an expert witness deposition or trial.

Some days we think of story and podcast ideas and other days we travel to make presentations to corporate and conference audiences.

When I speak in front of a group it's part theater and part evangelism, with business mixed in.

Frequently we meet to confer on email coaching questions people send us when they want our advice. The program is called Burning Issue. We respond to our clients' written questions with our thoughts and recommendations for their specific situations.

In Burning Issue sessions we get to explore the Human Workplace answer to every imaginable career and workplace situation. One person is struggling under an egomaniac VP, and another one is looking for a way to explain her sudden departure from a previous job.

Another person is looking for a way to gently nudge his slow-to-get-the-job-search-going wife into moving out of the "I can't believe I got laid off" zone and into active job search mode.

Sometimes we talk for a while and then start writing our response. Other times we lay out the problem and discuss it, then let it sit for a few days while we mull it over. We compose our response when we've had a chance to let our ideas coalesce.

A common theme in the Burning Issues is respect. We spot the word respect in the preamble to a Burning Issue question, or in the query itself:

From a Burning Issue question about a problem teammate:

"I like my job a lot. Everyone respects everyone else for their expertise. My only problem is my co-worker, who has a shaky grasp on the notion of teamwork."

From a Burning Issue question about roles and boundaries in a startup company:

"I'm learning a tremendous amount in my job (sometimes the learning comes faster than I'd like, in fact) and I have a great deal of respect for my boss, the CEO."

From a Burning Issue question about an executive job search roadblock:

"I guess I've been successful creating a professional reputation and a network. I'm so successful at those things that six months after my division was closed, people are still asking me to sit on boards and mentor them, while the job search itself is dead in the water. I love the implied respect and admiration but I have to assume the people who look up to me don't think I need to work. They assume I'm a person of leisure with unlimited time for philanthropic activities and mentoring!"

Respect is a vital topic for working people, and one that doesn't get its due. Everybody wants to be respected for his or her knowledge and experience. There's nothing wrong with that expectation.

When you're part of a system, you want to get feedback from the system. Most of us don't expect laurel wreaths.

We don't need people to fan us with palm fronds and feed us peeled grapes. We just want our colleagues and our manager to notice that we have a clue. We just want to be seen as credible.

When you're conscious of a disconnect between the heft and power you bring to a job and the level of respect the job gives you back -- respect being shown in everything from the desk or office they give you to the meetings you're invited to (or not) to your title and the authority in your job and the way people talk to you - you'll sense it right away.

You will notice that whereas at previous jobs you got some latitude in decision-making, were asked your opinion on matters close to your area of expertise or were called upon when someone needed advice, the energy is different now.

Every organization in the world has an energetic structure and a pecking order that you'll perceive within a few months of joining. If your antennae are sensitive, you'll get the picture within a few days or even a few hours.

If you're the type to put your head down and miss social cues, it may take you longer to see the energetic structure and your own place in it.

Even if you don't care about accolades and high-fives, eventually it will start to bug you when people around you are oblivious to your contributions.

"The crazy thing about my new job is that I thought I'd be a white knight walking in here," says Tony about his new sales management role.

"I increased sales in my region thirty-five percent in the first six months, and my Director said 'That shows how badly we were neglecting the customers before.' I don't think he was being hostile. He literally doesn't see what I do every day. He couldn't do it himself. He does not have a leadership bone in his body."

Respect is not always a matter of public praise. You can tell when people see you as a leader, a thought leader or a guide. They'll ask for your counsel.

They'll comment on your good ideas. In some organizations, managers are afraid to praise people when they do something awesome, because the person might ask for a pay raise.

In our courses we teach managers to praise people when they do something praiseworthy. Pay is a completely separate topic. As a manager you need to be able to explain why a person is paid what s/he is paid, apart from "Because that's what our pay grades allow." That's lame and pathetic.

You must be able to stand behind the pay level of anyone on your team, as a personal commitment. That's what management is, in fact - it's commitment, and ownership of the goal and the results.

Some people hesitate to show respect to their teammates because they feel that if they acknowledge someone else's contribution, they'll lose face themselves. In reality it works in just the opposite way. The manager who can honestly say "You guys blow me away - I'm so happy with our team and the amazing work we do" is the person everyone wants to work for.

The co-worker who says "Dang, Amy! Where did you get those coding skills?" is worthy of respect for his or her team mojo-building.

If you want respect at work, your first and hardest assignment is to respect yourself. The energy you exert noticing what other people think of you is wasted energy.

You and your co-workers respect people not for their knowledge of SAP or Six Sigma but for the way they use what they know to help other people.

Some folks wield information like a club. They don't share it. No one respects those people. Others turn around and teach everything they learn, helping the people a step behind them climb up the mountain path.

When you are connected to your power source at work, thrilled and galvanized by your projects and moving forward in mojo-fueled abandon, the last thing you'll worry about is the respect you get from other people.

When you're in that mojofied mode, of course, you are more worthy of respect and more likely to get it than at any other time.

The feeling "I wish I got more respect here," in fact, is a variety of mojo depletion itself, like these other common flavors of Mojo Drain Syndrome:

1. The mojo-depleted state where you stress over the way somebody else does his or her job
2. The mojo-deprived state where you find fault with every management decision
3. The mojo drought where you are resentful because somebody stole your idea

All of these problems are correctable, and shockingly they have zip-all to do with getting other people to change their ways. In every case, you only need to get altitude on the situation.

If you're stressing over people making mistakes, you'll stop and wonder "Why do I care? Am I doing what I love, what I was put on earth to do?" If you are, other people's mistakes won't bother you. You'll rise above your anger and find a way to help them.

If you're unhappy with your management team, you'll get altitude on your situation enough to say "Why am I staying in a place where I don't approve of the managers? What kind of whiny do-nothing person would that make me?"

You'll shift your perspective. Managers have it tough, too. You'll take your manager's perspective, and if all still looks bleak you'll find your mojo and get a new job.

If you want respect at work, don't fret. Stop and ask "Why am I worried about getting respect from other people? I must not be on my path, because if I were, this would be last thing on my mind." Ask yourself these questions:

• Am I doing what I'm called to do on earth?
• Am I looking for other people's respect as a way of shoring up my tiny mojo supply?
• Do I know what I want for myself?

If you don't know, you're in good company! Most people do not. You'll get all the respect you can handle when you look in the mirror and decide what's right for you, not for your place in the organizational chart or your standing at the golf club or the gym.

You'll begin to speak with your own voice and stop worrying about pleasing Mr. or Ms. Big, who are on their own paths and have nothing to do with you unless you share the same passion.

It's amazing how your flame grows when you give up worrying about other people and their faults. We get feedback from the people around us all the time, whether we want it or not.

When the feedback is that we get little or no respect in a situation where we are expecting some, that's a loud message. The message may be "You're looking for respect in all the wrong places!"

You've got to respect yourself enough not to worry about what other people think. Tune into your inner channel and ask "Am I doing the work and living the life I want?"

Human Workplace is a publishing, coaching and consulting firm. Our mission is to reinvent work for people.

Our popular 12-week virtual coaching groups start again on Saturday, August 23 and teach new-millennium career and branding techniques to grow your professional Muscles & Mojo!

In the video below, Human Workplace CEO and Founder Liz Ryan describes each of the Human Workplace 12-week virtual coaching groups launching in August 2014. Read the course descriptions here!