Chocolate for Dinner

What’s a mantra? It’s a repeated word or phrase, which can be used to enlighten your mind, uplift your heart and keep your thoughts on track. I am calm, when repeated numerous times, can work to balance anxiety. Mantras often feel strange, contrived, even false when you start using them, because you’re saying or chanting something that isn’t yet true. But have faith - the brain learns from repetition. Start with the words and the heart will follow.

By and large, my daily schedule feels too crammed to fit in any of the things I love to do. Sound familiar? And after a day of work, do you feel like you don’t have one more extra drop of energy to grocery shop, let alone get your haircut like you’ve been planning for two months? It feels claustrophobic, like being swallowed whole by obligations without any room for breathing space. Here’s the mantra that turns it around for me:

I have the Time and Space to do everything I want.

Sounds ridiculous, right? Nothing could be farther from the truth. But try it for one day and see what happens. Repeat the phrase 10x on your way to work (aloud) and on your way home. The first time I did this, I was oddly willing to stop at a mall on my way home and buy bath towels in preparation of a family visit. I even stopped to pick up fresh bread in the same trip. Normally I would never add inconsequential tasks to my day like this. But using this mantra gave me a feeling of freedom, space, and the permission to enjoy them without feeling guilty.

When was the last time you cut yourself slack? We’re so good at giving forgiveness and compassion to other people - do we ever give them to ourselves? On the surface, the concept of "slack" is a no-brainer. Take a day off from work, go to bed early, eat out. But for many of us, the thorny topic touches on psychological landmines like perfectionism and shame.

What drives you to succeed, to work hard, to provide for your family and contribute to society? Is it a sense of caring and responsibility, or more like fear? Perfectionists maintain a healthy list of accomplishments, but with these comes a high price tag, and often a belief that something bad will happen if they don’t meet their own expectations.

Part of the act of self-kindness involves giving yourself permission to be imperfect. It’s the perfectionism that keeps us feeling choked by responsibilities, and freedom comes from purposely and consciously not meeting them. It might seem rebellious and irresponsible to cut yourself slack if you’re not accustomed to doing it. But we have so much to gain from this powerful and altered thinking. Here are some things you can try right now:

• Go to work late tomorrow

• Work from home and wear pajamas all day

• Eat chocolate mousse cake for dinner

• Spend a whole hour reading an actual book

• Take a 30 minute cat nap after work

Your mind, body and heart all need comfort and understanding, all of them, all the time, and you’re the only one who can provide these gifts. Feeling permission to be comfortable, be lazy once in a while, and to occasionally slack off is like any other change – it takes practice. Eating chocolate for dinner won’t help your digestion or waistline, but it may nourish a deeper part of your soul that hasn’t been fed in a long time.

For more reading on self care, check out authors James Hillman, Thomas Moore, and Eckhart Tolle.