"Marital Therapy" for Weight Loss

Today is my parents' 50 Wedding Anniversary! Wow, huh?

For those of us under the age of 50, it’s hard to imagine being married longer than we’ve been alive! Even more thought provoking, and I’m sure what you’re asking yourself right now is: How do you do to stay married for 50 years?

My parents are marriage coaches (themarriagewhisperers.com) and working on a book about the subject—good thing for the rest of us—and they have a formula they use. All tenants of their teachings are based in values and principles we each already know, but may not practice daily, like Compassion, Caring, Connection, etc.

As our family marvels in the momentousness of a 50anniversary, it occurred to me that I teach a similar approach, but about fitness. Between posting photos and ordering cakes, I realized: my parents teach, practice, and continue to succeed in marriage with the same principles that I practice and teach about fitness.

There must be something to those principles!

Good news: they’re not top-secret. You already know the principles to relationship success and fitness longevity, you simply have to change your mindset and practice them. If you've been unable to celebrate any weight loss anniversaries, then this may be the beginning of "marital therapy" you need.

Self-care is exactly like a long-term relationship or marriage. It is voluntary, so you can’t force yourself to show up as you do work or traffic court. Fitness is a relationship with self, body, food, and a negotiation with schedules, responsibilities, and people. You have to show up everyday, be kind, say nice things, keep your word, be patient, and balance enjoying the everyday with a beneficial bigger picture. Just like a spouse, you have to like it or you'll be unable to live with it. If a passing hot dish pulls you away from your commitment, you’re not intrinsically committed and your relationship won’t last, be it marital or physical fitness.

You know how to make it last—you simply need to practice what you know. I can hear you from across the wireless ocean saying, “But I haven’t had a relationship last 50 years!” Maybe not a romantic one, but a relationship with family members, parents, kids, coworkers, a pet, or friends you most likely have, and there's little difference in the everyday practice of showing up or being kind—the principles. You can do long-term; you’ve been doing it for decades.

If weight, food, or exercise has been a struggle for you, apply your successful relationships mindset to your self-care. Think about your most successful long-term relationships, and ask yourself “What is my mindset?” How do you handle, negotiate, juggle, talk-to, be gentle with, or keep yourself committed to your long-term relationships? What do you say to yourself that makes you continue to show up for a 4 a.m. diaper change, snotty teen, or a 3 p.m. depressed-mother-in-law-call?

Your relationship mindset and intrinsic motivators will easily transfer to fitness. Talk to yourself about food, weight, and exercise the same way you do about those diapers and phone calls, and you too will soon be celebrating a 50-ish weight loss anniversary.