Let Me Out

One of the worst feelings is wanting to be more sociable but that little voice inside keeps you from venturing out......

This happened to me, how it came to pass? I am still trying to figure that one out myself. Growing up I had a lot of friends and although I was a little on the quiet side I never had any issues with stating what was on my mind. Then it happened the quietness and what I thought was shyness took root and before I knew it I was the quiet guy in the room. I had built up this non reality based thought that I would be judged on whatever I said, I'd stumble on my words but mainly it was an irrational fear of rejection. So what did I do? I did what anyone with introvert tendencies did I slipped into the background; I did not want to see like a self-centered jerk so I very politely actively listened to conversations while dying inside to jump in and converse. I had this illogical construct I built for myself and tried to delude myself into believing I am an introvert and its ok I am a great listener but deep inside this ate away at me. While I enjoyed fairly decent friendships and was social I knew there was a whole different level of enjoyment I would have experienced by simply opening my mouth and speaking. There is absolutely no more ego-deflating experience than limiting your quality of life by negative self-talk. So how did it all change? How is it I am now so much more comfortable with socializing and conversing with pretty much anyone that comes across my path that is willing to talk? Simple in hindsight, which is usually true of most things, I took the old adage nothing ventured nothing gained to heart. I know it's one of those things that you hear a million times just like any other folksy saying you'd find on needlepoint hanging on the wall at Grandma's house. This time, out of sheer disgust and frustration with a seemingly bad streak of luck it just clicked. I found myself starting off small making little steps out to test the waters and hey guess what it worked and...The best part is even if it didn't work I could still be happy in knowing I took a shot where before I would just completely avoid the situation entirely. There is no more satisfying feeling than taking back some control over your life even if it's in some small way, the small way builds your confidence to set your goals higher and experience with failure or rejection or whatever negative you experience only serves to make you a stronger person.