Join My Professional Network, Maybe?

"Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me maybe?"

- Carly Rae Jepsen

Ah, the universal dilema, when to hand out your phone number or email address or connect on social networking sites. I've given a lot of thought recently as to when and why to connect on Linkedin. Confession: I've ignored a number of Linkedin connection requests in the past and will continue to do so in the future. Connecting on Linkedin is about expanding your career network but it is also handing over the keys to the valued relationships you've made over the years and yes, it's also about putting your reputation on the professional line.

My personal approach to connecting on Linkedin has evolved.

When I started actively (and aggressively) using Linkedin, I was Manager of Alumni Programs at White & Case LLP. I was tasked with rebuilding the global alumni network and quite simply, I need to find and connect with the firm's alums. What better place to do that than on Linkedin (and Facebook and to a lesser degree, other closed or industry-focused social networks). As a result I connected with a lot of people in the execution of my job. We shared a common bond - we had the same employer on our resume - but not much more which could take a conversation from superficial cocktail chatter to business recommendation.

That was 2008/2009.

From 2009-2011, I was consulting with 85 Broads, continuing to work with law firms and branching into opportunities with startups, Fortune 500 companies and the media. Casting the networking connections net broadly was a business necessity for someone starting out. I needed an expansive network to feed me opportunities as I moved forward professionally.

Fast forward.....My reputation and my business rests on my network.

I started advising and investing in startups in 2012. I'm being asked for my advice on startups and startup investments. I'm sought out for innovative ideas to connect and network, and for network connections. I stick my neck out - and reputation - by making introductions and connections.

My network has always fueled my career and fed me opportunities. It was no less valuable in 2008, but....something has changed. I'm feeling more guarded, protective of my contacts, and slightly vulnerable having my reputation and my contacts exposed. I find myself being more selective with whom I connect with, who I put my word, my reputation, my business worth, on the line with.

Can I vouch for you? Really? Do you care about my relationships and value my connections as much as I do? Maybe? Maybe not. Are you looking for a quick hit intro or a long-term professional connection?

We may have had a lively conversation at a networking event, but was our interaction anything more than that? Who knows. I've encountered too many transactional, FB "like" collecting networkers recently. Is it a charade to connect, to say we're "friends" or "professional connections" when we likely don't know more about each other than the venue we met at and perhaps the beverage we were each drinking out of plastic cups? We may share an interest in mobile technology or designer shoes or ice hockey or art or corporate governance, but is that reason enough to connect on a social networking site? Is it reason enough for me to tie my reputation to yours? Or vice versa?

Mutual connections, or groups we both belong to, or something smart/witty you said or I said, aren't simply enough for me to click "connect" on a social networking site. Connecting with you, says something about me. And I don't know how you're feeling, but I'm strongly feeling the need to be able to say something about the people I'm connected to.

I'm not closing the door to making new connections, I simply want more. A few more conversations, tweets, email interactions and encounters at meetups, so we can truly, meaningfully connect and so I can tell others why they should want to connect with you too.