The Mistake That Made Me a Better Communicator

Early in my career as a field marketing associate, I supported sales teams by creating demand generation programs. I would regularly implement remote events; line up corporate speakers; and be onsite to ensure both content and logistics ran smoothly.

At one of these events, the sales team that was supposed to be at the breakfast seminar before their customers arrived did not show up on time. Well actually, they did not show up until the event was over and most of the attendees had already left the building. To make matters worse, when they finally made an appearance at noon, they were visibly tipsy.

I was not amused. It was a wasted opportunity (pun intended). I felt disrespected and unsupported. Their behavior was unprofessional and I was furious. I decided to send an email to their boss to request a “quick chat”. In that email, I made him aware of the situation assuming it would just be for his eyes only. Five minutes later, I received a reply from him expressing his deep apologies on behalf of his team and condemning their behavior. What I didn't expect was for him to cc: the entire executive team, his direct reports, and my boss. I was utterly mortified. I had done what I thought was the right thing to do, but it was not my intention to embarrass these guys so publically. I felt so bad that I had to step away from my desk to regain my composure.

When I returned to my cube a few minutes later there was a voice-mail on my phone. It came from one of the three sales people involved in the shenanigans.

“Nasheen, congratulations for furthering your career at my expense. That was masterful! I hope you are very happy now. Thank you for letting me see the real you. From now on, please do not contact me in any shape or form. I don’t want to have anything to do with you whatsoever. Have a great day.”

Life before social media was pretty straight-forward. Internal and external communications mostly consisted of three channels: face-to-face, email, and phone. It could have been a lot worse for both of us if this had happened today.

I was in tears. As a junior associate at the time, I had not dealt with such conflict. I had the option of going to my boss or HR to complain and hopefully get them to do something about it; or I could go to him directly to have a conversation. The former would have been easy to do, but I didn't think it really would have improved the situation. The latter seemed impossible, especially when he specifically told me not to contact him, ever.

I had a sleepless night, but in the end, I chose to talk to him. My fingers were quivering as I dialed his number. When he answered the phone and realized it was me, he was quiet for a moment and then, to my astonishment, he thanked me for calling. He said he realized it would take someone with enormous courage to reach out to him after what had happened. He apologized for the voice-mail and his behavior at the event. He said he wished I would have gone to him directly with my concerns after the event instead of going to his boss. He was right. I should have approached them directly. I took responsibility for my part and our conversation was candid and genuine. He eventually became one of my biggest supporters in the company. I also mended the fence with the other two individuals by having a heart-to-heart. We remain friends till this day.

There are three lessons that I learned from my mistake:

1. When you have an issue with someone, that person should know first.
2. Have a real conversation. Let your heart, not your fingers, do the talking.
3. Never assume that the sensitive information in your emails will be handled sensibly.

Since this experience, I have consciously applied my learnings at every job. I have become an advocate for having a direct conversation as the #1 strategy for conflict resolution.

Today, we have countless channels to communicate and to engage with others. At the same time, the risks associated with saying the “wrong thing” have been greatly amplified. The digital age has bred an abundance of communication mechanisms that can impact individuals, groups, and brands. We don’t become better communicators because we have more channels and tools. We become better at it when we use those channels and tools appropriately to say something meaningful. We become better at it as we learn from our mistakes.

I hope my story resonated with you. I would love to hear from you if you’d like to share your insights and lessons with me.

You are also welcome to connect with me on Twitter @CsuiteDialogue or find me on www.theITmediagroup.com.

*This article is dedicated to my late father who taught me the wisdom to learn from mistakes and the courage to correct them. Happy Father’s Day to the men in our lives!