Are Your Thoughts Affecting Your Life

Mostly we are led by our sense of self and driven to be accepted by others. We act in what that we think we 'should' to be accepted by others. What would your reaction be in this scenario?

Your walking down the street and see a good friend on the other side of the road, you wave at them and they completely ignore you. What would your automatic thoughts be?

That idiot, what's wrong with him? How dare he ignore me.

I must have upset them, oh no they hate me.

He just ignored me, what did I do wrong?

I have heard many versions of the above, with almost all the answers being about judgement, blame and insecurity. Depending on what answer you come up with will depend how long this affects you for, and will also have an impact on your interaction with that person the next time you see them.

Since we can never know the reason why the person ignored us why not think of an alternative reason, one that makes you feel good instead. After all they are only thoughts that you are believing, without any evidence to support them.

Perhaps another reason could be:

• They must not have seen me, I'll call later and see how they are
• Maybe they had a lot on their mind
• Perhaps he was on the phone to someone and had his mind on other things
• He didn't have his glasses on and didm't see me

The automatic thoughts we generate are mostly self deprecating and result in us attacking ourself or blaming another person. If we had a friend who talked to us the way we talk to ourself it would not be long until we stopped spending time with them. Why do we talk to our self in such ways? Why do we believe those thoughts that make us feel bad?

We seem to be vulnerable to other peoples thoughts about us, and believe their perspective of us over our own. Perhaps if we had been allowed to accept all the aspects of ourself and embrace the fact that we have 'good' and 'bad' qualities we would be able to express who we are without fear of being judged or disliked.

Catching your automatic thoughts and questioning them is the first step towards liberating yourself from them. When your thoughts are harmonious, and 'on your side' you feel better, and your ability to function is improved.

To find out more about this process of untangling yourself from the thoughts that are holding you back and making you feel bad, please feel free to contact me.