#IfIWere22: Learning More from Wrongs

Feel like you always need to be right? Maybe you’d learn more and faster by reflecting on your wrongs.

I consider myself pretty blessed. I’ve had a lot of things go my way in life, and I’ve done a lot of things right. That makes sense, though – I’m a classic driven Type A perfectionist. Perfectionists don’t like to make mistakes. In fact, we go out of our way to avoid them…which means we also like being right.

In thinking about what to focus on for my #IfIWere22 piece, of course I had to go back to myself at that age. I was a highly-educated, ambitious young woman, rarin’ at the bit to make a name for myself in the world. Twenty-seven years later and threading together all my greatest life lessons, I think it comes down to one central theme: I’ve learned a lot more from being wrong than I have from being right. I’ll elaborate.

Life-Changing Wrongs

When I was 22, I was a college senior and did a first-semester-long internship in Manhattan working at a firm in what I thought would be my chosen profession. I grew up outside Manhattan and thought it was the place to be after graduation and that my internship would help give me a leg-up in getting my first job. Plus, during my internship I could to live in the city, which was also part of my intended game plan.

Turns out, however, that I hated the entire experience. I hated my internship, the profession, living in the city – the whole nine yards. Miserable, I met with my college advisor who told me, “Look at it this way: Better to learn this lesson now before you had actually graduated, moved into the city and found yourself a job in this field.” His advice did not console me. It made me feel worse. I returned to college for what was supposed to be my “senioritis”-entitled final semester only to fret about what to do next.

And so, knowing no one and having no job, I picked up and moved to Baltimore (that’s another story you might enjoy). I ended up changing the entire course of my life in so many positive ways because my first plan was wrong. And not only that, in hindsight, I realized how wrong I was in not taking solace from my advisor’s insight. In fact, I’ve since found myself doling out this same piece of advice to others!

Road to Oz Wrongs

Another thing I’ve come to realize I was wrong about was my drive to “be a grown-up already.” I’ve always been an independent, capable person. I was always in a hurry to prove myself and reach my goals. I can’t even count the number of older adults who counseled me, “Be careful what you wish for. Being a grown-up ain’t all that it’s cracked-up to be,” or, “Slow down – don’t be in such a hurry! Stop and smell the roses and enjoy the journey.”

Whenever I’d hear this advice, I’d say, “Journey?! What the heck is that?!! Journey-schmourney, I’m ready now!!!” But now I’m here to tell all those 22-year-olds that I was wrong – It really is all about the journey. Being on the journey means that you’re both present in the moment as well as reflective about your life. The journey implies that it’s about the process, not necessarily the progress, and if you’re lucky enough, you’ll have a long, fulfilling life that evolves continuously and is filled with great wisdom and relationships along the way. At 22 I was too unwise and self-absorbed to know any different. Being on the journey later in life doesn’t necessarily mean it gets easier, but at least I’m more cognizant and can try to meet life's challenges differently. The sooner you acknowledge your own journey, the more you will learn along the way.

Being Strong Wrongs

I’ve already shared important innate characteristics of my personality. To have been able to do what I’ve done and be successful, I’ve had to be a pretty strong person. When I was 22, I didn’t want to disclose any of my weaknesses to anyone. I didn’t want to appear vulnerable. I exuded confidence, and almost everyone around me thought that I could take on the world. I shouldered a lot, and it was rare for me to ask for help. When someone offered help or advice I didn’t solicit, I seldom took it. Big mistake.

One of the best lessons I’ve learned since those na?ve days is that not only is there no shame in asking for or taking offered help, but it’s actually smarter to do so. Getting help can get you from A to Z faster, and it doesn’t diminish you as a person. It doesn’t make you any less capable, any less intelligent, any less accomplished. Go out and seek help in all walks of life, not just your career. This you won’t regret.

Wrong in Postponing

And now for the really personal, but I do think it’s relevant so I’m willing to “go there.” When I was 22, graduating from college and eager to start my career and establish myself, I postponed the idea of starting a family even though I was already with the man who would go on to become and still is my husband. By the time I was ready, he was not, and then we found out we could not, and then we dealt with this news in our own different ways.

All these years later I still do not have children of my own (despite being “auntie” to many). So for any 22-year-olds, male or female, thinking you have all the time in the world to settle down, just remember that in the case of creating a family, that’s not necessarily true. This is the most painful wisdom I have acquired all these years since turning 22.

What I Got Right

I started this piece by saying I consider myself pretty fortunate, so let me summarize some common pieces of advice I give out frequently to would-be entrepreneurs and recent college grads:

• Don’t just take, take, take from the world. Remember that it can be better to give than to receive – it encourages good karma;

• Find a mentor and mentor others – you don’t have to be old and wise to help others on their journey

• Hire the best professional talent (staff, lawyers, accountants, consultants, etc) to assist you. It may cost you upfront, but it can save you boatloads in the long run and bring you success faster.

• Be open. You never know where your next great opportunity will come from so don’t dismiss any singular encounter.

• Remember that it’s not all about being right or even that being right is the most important factor. Take time to reflect on your point and those of others with whom you’re engaging. Gaining their wisdom may be far more valuable than coming away from the encounter feeling you were right.

P.S. And the whole big hair thing was also wrong. ;-)

A 16-year digital marketing veteran and entrepreneur, Hollis is a highly-driven subject matter expert and thought leader with an unbridled sense of curiosity and a passion to deliver unbiased, simplified information and advice so businesses can make better decisions about how to spend their dollars and resources. Visit my blog or contact me through LinkedIn or on Twitter (@hollisthomases)