Dear Graduates, Now Is the Time to Mess Up

This post is part of a series in which Influencers share lessons from their youth.

OK, what else was I going to do with an undergrad degree in psych? I suppose I could have gone back to live/work on the farm as both my father and grandfather had done, but I always felt more like a city mouse. No one else had gone to college in my family; my dad’s parents didn’t finish high school (sort of their era’s version of dropping out in order to do an agricultural start-up). So, grad school it was.

Now, having the benefit of 20/20 hindsight and the LinkedIn Influencer Time Machine, I’m hoping to pull off a Marty McFly and give some advice to my then fledgling-and-fearful-first-year-grad-student-self and others that may be in the same situation.

Be disciplined but not too anal.

I had the discipline down, but I now see that my anxiety-induced OCD could have been dialed back a bit and I think I still would have done fine (and gotten a bit more sleep and fewer ulcers).

If you are shy, too bad, get out there anyway.

I was shy at 22. I am shy now. I was very much a wallflower then. A bit less now. But even though I may feel Old Mr. Anxiety making my intestines queasy at most every conference I attend or meet-and-greet I go to where I know no one, I go anyway. The story is always the same. I learn new things, meet interesting people, and return home unscathed and happy that I went and made new friends. I really wish I would have told myself that sooner.

You will have some shi**y times, but you will make it through them.

Repeat.

Get a mentor.

If I went into farming, my dad would have been very helpful. If I wanted to hack being a single mom, no one did it better than mine. Depending on what you’re interested in, getting a mentor could be tricky. I started off by pretending that amazing people like Bucky Fuller or Richard Saul Wurman were mine. When faced with a dilemma of one kind or another I’d imagine what they would say to me or what they would do. As I got older, I took the “risk” (remember, anxiety was my Dark Passenger) and actually reached out to both Bucky and to Richard. And you know what? They responded with very helpful comments and their own augmenting ideas.

Extra tip: first offer something of value to the possible mentor or to someone else in behalf of that person. I continue to have a roster of fantasy mentors, and it’s a pretty deep bench: Anthony Bourdain, Tim Ferris, Howard Tullman, Rob Dyrdek, and Richard Branson. Thank you all.

Keep friends close, too.

Don’t get so wrapped up in your work, your studies, or yourself. Yes, mentors are necessary, but don’t forget your peers, too—they will provide support, reality checks, ideas… just like a mentor, but you will hear them differently. All are great to have. Be thankful.

Have a direction, but it doesn't have to be the right one (or the only one).

You have to have one; otherwise things just don’t work right. But feel free to take scenic routes, go off-road, follow detours, and if you find a better direction, then take that one. When I started grad school, I envisioned I’d be working with adult outpatients. Reality turned out to be the more rewarding inpatient work I did with children and their families. And today, I'm happily doing nothing remotely close to what I envisioned at 22, nevertheless I’m glad it came about the way it did. I feel much more enriched as a result. Rarely is there a learning experience (no matter the field) that would not be a help to who you are and what you do.

Do some things for free.

Sure, the summer internship can lead to good opportunities, but you never know when that volunteer medical mission to Vietnam for 3 weeks will lead to starting your own global health non-profit.

Don't put things off.

Get started, even if things don’t go the way you thought they would. You’ll learn helpful stuff either way. Steven Covey recommended to “begin with the end in mind” and then deconstruct or work backwards from where you want to be to where you are today. Some things will take longer than others. You can’t cram for a marathon, well, you wouldn’t really want to. Same for your dissertation, or start-up, or first job, you name it. Best to get started. Now.

Claim ownership rights.

Do some things for you and take responsibility (and pride) in whatever they are. Big or small, doesn't matter. Perfection likely will not be the place you start from. Practice. Refine. Enjoy. Be a craftsman.

Every so often, just lose yourself.

I’m not talking about getting high on anything other than looking at art, or your lover’s eyes, your child’s smile, or the glint of sunlight off the Bilbao; or writing the perfect haiku, or that day when you felt like you could run forever…. And, yes, you will have these experiences—but some may take a few years. (By the way, this is the antidote to both anxiety and OCD.)

Now is the time to mess up.

There will be no better time. But don't go looking for trouble.

One last test.

If you doubt how good your work is, then you are doing it right.

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