If I Were 22: Find Delight in the Here and Now

This post is part of a series in which Influencers share lessons from their youth. Read all the stories here.

Oh, but if only I could go back. When I was 22, I was starting my second college degree. My mind was full of hope and promise. I was an idealist. Driven and aggressive, I had high expectations.

I am now nearing 60. Twenty-two was a long time ago. Then, I had a smaller waist, and there was no graying at my temples. It is hard for me to go back 40 years, but here I take the challenge. (Even though it is a big step back into history.)

So, if I were 22 again, what would I do?

I would check out the book "Four-Fold Way" and spend time internalizing the wisdom. At night, I would read it cover-to-cover and ponder the principles. During the day, I would ask my friends to tell me their interpretation of the book. If I had, my life would have been easier and less stressful.

So what is the Four-Fold Way? It is a book of wisdom. My current copy is well-worn. The manuscript distills the norms and behaviors that were expected when Native American tribes gathered for council. The differing nations found that some simple principles helped to improve the outcome of the council when they gathered. The advice is simple, but profound.

At first when I read the book, I did not get it. The lessons did not come easily to me. Initially, I scoffed. I did not understand the concepts. However, as I age, the principles get clearer to me every day. The advice is bundled into four principles:

• Be Open to the Outcome. When I was 22, I was not open to the outcome. I wanted to control the future. I tried to govern others’ behaviors. I had more energy to control others than to manage myself. When you become open to the outcome, you are more in touch with possibilities and there is less stress. You experience peace knowing that you need to be open; and that by being open, there is more joy in the journey.
• Show Up and Be Present. I was so full of planning the future, it was hard for me to see the delight in the here and now. As a result, I rushed through my early years. It was always about the next day, upcoming plans, and my future expectations. The goal of show up and be present is to strip yourself of what is happening in your mind and be in the moment. Experience it. Live it. Enjoy it. The fact that I did not was a mistake.
• Tell the Truth without Blame or Judgment. At this age I was so focused on being successful — and getting ahead — that I never learned how to tell the truth without blame or judgment. When something was painful to voice, it was hard for me to share the facts without an emotional slant. In business today, I find this to be a rare, but valuable skill. It is critical for a non-political supportive environment. I would have practiced this often. As a result, my mother would have had fewer sleepless nights.
• Pay Attention to what Has Heart and Meaning. Listening for intent is a learned skill. Our educational systems teach us to drive output. We perfect writing, speaking, and discussion. Listening is a learned skill. Listening for heart and meaning requires even more work. The ability to hear the unsaid message and see the heart requires practice. As a result, I would have focused on having big ears, a big heart, and a little mouth.

Oh, but if only I could be 22 again. Not possible, but it is nice to fantasize.

So, these are my thoughts. I would love to hear yours. And, if you are 22, I hope that you will check out this book. It has become one of my favorites.

Photo: Author at 20