Advice from the Trenches: When to speak up & when to shut up

For this post, I'm going to assume we're all grownups and we have attained a certain maturity level. I'm also going to assume that most often we know what we need to do and we know how to get it done. We work with smart collaborative teams and we hold meetings to discuss things and usually everything runs just fine with great outcomes. But sometimes things don't go as we would like, and we feel the need to speak up. And sometimes, the people in the meetings DON'T want you to speak up. What do you do in these types of situations?

It can be a fine line to figure out if you should speak up or not especially in tense situations or when working under deadline. The team dynamics and company operating values come into play, but there are also factors that are totally interpersonal as well. So it can be confusing.

On top of all that, you may be receiving explicit feedback (as I have in the past) that you should be speaking less in meetings. Sometimes this guidance has been sound and following it led to better outcomes. I passionately believe that smart people tend to do smart things and make smart decisions, so in an environment where my trust level is high with the team I am working with, it is easy to keep quiet and let the team make smart decisions.

But what if the decisions being made were simply wrong or at best misguided, and I could see that if we followed that path, then potentially bad things would happen? When this happened it was very difficult to keep quiet and I found I had to develop a set of decision principles to help me judge when to speak and when to zip it.

Decision Principle 1 - Is your comment "Accretive" or "Dilutive"?

• Before speaking, ask yourself if your comment will be accretive (ie: add) to the discussion or take away from the discussion (a dilutive comment). An accretive comment should always be made in the moment. A dilutive comment should be weighed carefully before being voiced.

Decision Principle 2 - How Severe is the Impact if you do NOT speak?

• An example of something that should be voiced is one that would have catastrophic consequences if it were ignored. Perhaps there is legal legislation that needs to be factored in or a competitive action that is not being considered. Or perhaps you know something about the customer that is not being considered and the new product or marketing campaign will fail without factoring in that insight. These sorts of things should be voiced, but in a careful and considerate way so as not to make anyone look bad.

Decision Principle 3 - Can it Wait a Day?

• This one goes to timing and allowing any emotion to dissipate. Sometimes in meetings, I find I am so interested in the proceedings and I find I care so much about the outcomes and the customers who will be affected that I really want to speak up and ensure everything is perfect then and there. But this can derail a meeting so if I find it is just my own passion for the topic that makes me want to speak up (and I have already gone through my first two decision principles and concluded it would be dilutive for me to speak, and nothing really bad will happen if I keep quiet) then I usually also conclude that it is OK for me to wait a day. I take notes, and write down what I want to say, but I do not speak it during the meeting. I find the meeting organizer a day or two later, and then have the conversation.

I have now been using these techniques for a few years and it is helping me build a better brand at work and with outside companies and partners. I am still known for my outspoken style and willingness to fight for the customer and that's not something I think will change drastically as I go through my career. It's just how I manage it that makes a difference.

And it's not all bad! I attended a party a couple of weeks ago - one where I was surrounded by people who I had not seen in a few years. It was really gratifying to me when one attendee came up and said that she was always so impressed when I spoke up because I "tended to say what everyone else was thinking and didn't have the nerve to say". It was wonderful to hear that!

I welcome your thoughts on this and other topics relevant to fostering better communications at work.