Why "I love it" is actually bad feedback
You show your boss a rough draft or you make a pitch for something or you have a new idea. Your goal is to hear the words, "I love it!" Right?
Wrong.
"I love it" is a useless form of praise. Its the Marshmallow Peep of feedback: its tastes darn good, you get a quick sugar rush, but it has zero nutrients or long term positive impact.
We've banned the words love, like, and hate in our office. The listener doesn't learn anything from this kind of feedback. And, the speaker hasn't really thought about this feedback as a teaching moment. With such unspecific feedback, that loved thing might never be replicated again!
These words are shortcuts that lead to dead-ends. Instead, try these 3 steps:
1. What. Describe the specific thing that you are reacting to. Literally call out the element that you are reacting to. So, instead of "That was awesome" say "Your 3 points in your pitch were...." Instead of "Wow, I love it!" say "The colors in that poster you made..." You are telling someone WHAT you are reacting to. Now your conversation/feedback is specifically directed at a specific product or idea, instead of the person herself or the entire job performance.
2. Why. Why do you love it or hate it? Its because that thing has some sort of impact. So, "Your 3 points in your pitch were so clear and specific that even the new people were convinced" or "The colors in that poster you made were strong and bright and makes the product feel too young." Telling someone the WHY will help them remember it, learn for the future, and keeps the conversation focused on the project rather than personal feelings.
3. Feedback on Feedback. Later that day or maybe the next day, ask "Did that feedback make sense?" You can do this in person or in a quick email. And if the response is "yes" or "no"--push further. Make sure someone heard your WHAT and WHY, and not just your tone or general positive or negative gist. The point of following up is to make sure you communicated feedback and the listener understood it.
4. Body language. Smile. Fist pump. Jump up and down. Its your call--but be aware of your intended and unintended communications. Body language is another means of expressing hyperbole. It can be used in good ways and for evil; you can make someone feel more confident with your smile and fist pump...and you can shut someone down with a sigh and a frown. As a manager, co-worker, human being (!) your body language matters when you give feedback.
(Love or hate this post? Tell me WHAT and WHY in the comments.)
Graphic: mhatzapa / shutterstock
CEO & Founder at Love Unlimited Foundation Inc.
9 年I love it! HAHAHAHA. Seriously I use the word love so often, but I always try and make sure to follow it with why. So why do I love this post? Your absolutely right about it being a dead end to nothing statement. Where does it lead? Explaining why you love something or what you love about something is the most powerful moment in feedback. It can clarify what resonated. It's always great to hear something nice, but its more powerful when you know what made them feel that way.
Communications Specialist
9 年I think all of these are valuable tips but suggest making the feedback more immediate. Waiting until later in the day or the next day gives too much time for misunderstandings to percolate. Following up later is good, but I think it's more important to be sure your initial comments are clearly understood when given.
Founder Zippittee.com ( Travel More . Often )
9 年Let's build on that Nancy and extend the campaign to ban them from Linkedin replies too. Add syrupy words like "NICE" (uugh ) and superlatives like "Awesome", "Amazing", and expressions like "that post really made my day". Are our lives really that dull and uneventful ,and the Posts so "Incredible" that we turn into latter day cheerleaders??
Talent Development | Recruiting | Wellness | Engagement | Training
9 年HA, best analogy! Well said. "Its the Marshmallow Peep of feedback: its tastes darn good, you get a quick sugar rush, but it has zero nutrients or long term positive impact."