Can this Marriage Be Saved?

I used to be fascinated by a column in my mother’s women’s magazine called “Can this Marriage Be Saved?” featuring a he said/she said account of relationship struggles. The stories usually ended happily after the couple sought counseling and worked through their challenges.

It’s not surprising that business partnerships are often described as marriages – when two companies work together the result can be greater than the sum of its parts. And, given the increasing need to share value, risk, and reward, it’s likely that a partnership is in your future. But, with the pressures of speed, profit and competitiveness – not to mention careers in the balance – we need to know how to answer “yes” in those inevitable moments when we wonder Can This Marriage Be Saved?

Recently, in the midst of a particularly messy phase of a partnership, I sketched out my business marriage survival tips.

Shared Vision & Commitment: Success results from shared commitment to a vision. Both partners need to ask themselves: do we share and believe in the future we’re creating? This is the first and most critical test. Fail this one and the partnership will be troubled, if not doomed. I’ve found that when things get tough, a good exercise is to regroup around the vision, to remind the team what we’re working for.

Balance of Power: Partners share. Still, we’ve all seen well-suited partners turn warriors in a fight over who’s really in charge. For a long time, the prevailing wisdom was that 50/50 joint ventures don’t work, and that majority ownership meant, “Do it my way!” Of course, the belief that partnerships are power struggles is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each party brings certain skills and perspectives that together make them stronger. Control what you contribute and let your partner do the same.

Good Governance: In the glow of those early shared-vision days, it often feels too bureaucratic to discuss hypotheticals. You say, “We’ll deal with that if and when it arises.” Or, you delegate to the legal team to do only what’s required. Good partners take time to map out who makes what decisions, who’s accountable for what and how you’ll resolve issues. They establish a regular rhythm that includes not just operating milestones but adaptation, often assigning someone on each side to own the relationship.

Candor and Cool: You need to be candid but remain calm while doing so. It’s a tough combination to get right. One team I know has no-holds barred screaming matches, followed by a cooling off period, and then they regroup on what’s important. While that seems overly dramatic to me, I believe you must be candid. When I struggle in partnerships, it’s often one of us was not being completely candid about expectations and disappointment. Put it out there, give it time to sink in and don’t think you’ll end a fight with an email rant. Sleep on it. Everything looks clearer in the light of a new day.

Assume Noble Intentions: Partnerships inevitably create culture clash. There’s a nagging sense that the other side just doesn’t get it. Before you rush to harsh judgment, assume your partner’s intentions are good. At GE, we’re partnering much more with startups and it’s easy to fall into roles that support clichés: “Big companies are slow and bureaucratic while startups are run by newbies who lack context and experience.” Resist the urge to act this way.

Look, sometimes the marriage can’t be saved -- that’s not a version my mother’s magazines told. But for the truly meaningful ones – and I believe we all need more of these – it’s a good reminder that partnerships can be incredibly messy, hard work…. and definitely worth it.

Photo: lozas / shutterstock