Honesty without Compassion is Cruelty
While in a meeting a few months ago, I saw the words "honesty without compassion is cruelty" posted above the other person's desk. It so struck me that I paused the conversation for a moment to absorb the intent.
People like to say that honesty is the best policy, and many segments of society are increasingly focused on getting at the truth. Schools are obsessed with standardized tests. Companies want better metrics to measure, well, everything. Nearly everyone is connected to everyone else... and these connections produce data that provide an honest picture of reality.
I'm worried that these honest snapshots of the truth could lead us to a far crueler world.
In a civilized world, honesty and compassion need to go hand in hand. You must use honesty to help other people, not to hurt them. And you must be extremely cautious not to accidentally harm others.
When you meet up with a friend you haven't seen in a year, you wouldn't immediately say, "You are 17 pounds heaver than you were last year."
Why not?
Doing so would be tactless and cruel, so instead you say something like, "It is so great to see you again," while you might think to yourself that your friend looks a bit on the heavy side.
Technology allows us to gather massive amounts of data on human beings. If you take a test online, a system is theoretically capable of not only revealing how many answers you got correct, but also whether it took you more time (or less) to take the test versus others.
You don't need to know that you were slower than 42% of the people who took that test... and neither does anyone else.
If we are going to gather more data about our collective lives, we will also need to muster more compassion.
What can you do to move us in the right direction?
- Be discreet. Resist the movement to document every aspect of your work or personal life. There are true advantages to preserving gray areas in which people can let their hair down and relax.
- Be human. Recognize that humanity is more important than the absolute truth. Use facts to help another improve his or her life, rather than to do something that might destroy their life.
- Be cautious. Recognize that the "truth" is always subjective. Each of us sees "facts" through a haze of beliefs, attitudes and experiences. No single test can judge the worth or potential of another human being.
- Be generous. Ask more of yourself. The best skill is bringing out talent in others, so rather than judging others, do your best to help them.
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Manager of Biomedical Engineering, Northside Gwinnett and Duluth at Northside Hospital
10 年I read this with great interest as i was wondering how it applied to myself. As i recently found out that the truth is a difficult thing for people to handle. Just once i would have liked to hear someone in the "C Suite" be honest and admit they are human and made a mistake. We learn from our mistakes and should not be embarrassed or think that we are at a certain level of authority that we can't say,"My Bad". OK maybe not like that but you get the idea. "The truth shall set you free" is often quoted by people. I found out first hand how true this is. The truth set me free, Free from my account. I am actually grateful because there are so many opportunities out there to work for honest people that walk the walk instead of talk the talk.I actually feel sorry for the empty souls out there who have drank the Kool-Aid and forgot about common sense and to not blindly follow anyone or anything.It's ok to ask questions. Otherwise next thing you know you're following your GPS into the lake! I shall step off of my soapbox now. To all of the good people of the world, I wish you success on your adventures.
Design Consultant
10 年True and thought provoking. Well said Bruce!
Empowering SME CEOs to Harness their Greatest Asset - People | Behavioural Analyst Specialising in Human Potential.
10 年What a sad attitude to life Nuno it's part of the human psyche to protect ourselves. Most half truths are simply a shield to deflect perceived harm or the spotlight away from ourselves. Also being brutally honest will cause much pain to others because we all play games in our relationships and ask questions to feed our ego like ' I'm not very good at this' what this person wants is reassurance not a brutal 'yes your crap' reply. Human behaviour is too intricate and complex to be black and white, I prefer to go grey
Team Leader/Electric Supervisor | NVQ 3 in Automotive Engineering
10 年I respect all of your opinions but I disagree with most of what was written in this article, one thing is true "Truth" is a big word... but I believe "truth with respect" and not compassion, a half "Truth" is not "Truth"... for me the things that send me to the well were the ones that made me stronger, I prefer a hard "Truth" than a half lie... I prefer to go down a thousand times with a "Cruel Truth" than spending my life with a half "Lie" or half "Truth" has you want to put it... or the glass is "full" or is "empty", I may even have that consideration for others but I don't need that others have the same for me... James "Ring The Bells".
Sr. Business Analyst @ Healthfirst NY
10 年I always try to apply the THINK rule I heard once. T- is what I'm about to say TRUE? H- is what I'm going to say Helpful? I- is what I'm going to say inspirational? N- is it necessary? K-is what I'm about to say kind? Most times it's about planting blessing instead of curses...