What If Marketing Told the Truth?
Today YOU get to write an Influencer article. Let's imagine what would happen if marketing departments told the absolute truth about their products and services. To get us started, I'm going to offer up some examples, and then please add YOUR versions to the comments section.
Over today and this weekend, I'm going to take the best contributions and add them to the actual article, with credit given to each contributor. Thanks to you, the article will get longer and better.
Pepsi and Coke: You'd be much better off drinking water.
American Airlines: We'd like to figure out a way to charge you for using the bathroom.
Ikea: Assembling our furniture is going to take much, much longer than you can imagine, because none of our directions include words.
Netflix: We have new TV shows, but mostly old movies.
Apple: You cannot comprehend how much money we are making.
HSBC: We are not really the world's local bank; most of us don't even understand what that means.
McDonald's: The hamburger we serve you will look nothing like the one you saw on TV.
VISA and MasterCard: Our credit cards are virtually interchangeable.
P&G: Most of our products say "new and improved," but they are awfully close to the versions you bought last year.
BMW: We are not really the ultimate driving machine, but we do have a very cool logo.
Beck's: The Beck's beer you buy in the United States is not made in Germany.
Disney: Our theme parks are fun to visit, but if you can help it, don't work here.
Gillette: Once we convince you to buy a nice handle, we are going to charge you a mind-boggling amount of money for the razor blades.
JPMorgan Chase: The ad that otherwise would appear in this space has been cancelled because we just spent billions on government fines.
Most professional sports teams: This probably isn't going to be our year either.
British tabloids: The truth is out there, just not in here! (Jonathan Wilson)
Aquafina: Oh yeah, it is definitely just tap water. (Kevin Hammonds, MHRM)
Facebook: We know what one billion people are doing. (Tim Axell)
Porsche: If you aren't already cool, a Porsche won't make you cool. (Wayne Scott)
Best Buy: Where you try out products before buying them on Amazon. (Leslie Sonne)
YouTube: Because cat videos just flat out rule. (Angela Diffly)
Nike: You're going to look athletic even though you are probably not. (Andy Johnson)
Budweiser: The Nickelback of beers. (Anthony (Tony) Wang)
Chuck E. Cheese: Spend $40 on games and your kid can go home with a $2 styrofoam airplane. (Jennifer DeVries)
Taco Bell: Technically, it's beef! (Joe Capote)
Microsoft: We′re the reason Apple makes so much money. (Darío Moré Escámez)
AT&T: We're pretty much the same as Verizon. (Dave Boring)
Verizon: We're pretty much the same as AT&T. (Dave Boring)
Listerine: (actually told the truth): The taste you hate, twice a day. (Anca Ghelbere)
Now it's your turn to get back at the advertising that has been driving you crazy! Please add your ideas to the comments section. You can also tweet your examples, but if you do please link back here with this: https://goo.gl/9n5cjF
If you want to hear more from me, just click the Follow button below. You can also download my free guides at Kasanoff.com, or read my book with Michael Hinshaw: Smart Customers, Stupid Companies. On Twitter, I'm @NowPossible.
Cartoon: Jonathan Brown.
Retired
10 年Any politician: I can't possibly answer a straight question with a straight answer. Why? Because I'd obviously be lying and I'd look bad. OR Our manifesto? It's all bullshit and you know it, so don't waste you're time thinking about believing anything we say....
Editor at MQ Global Analysis/ Research Analyst at MQ Market Consulting, Inc.
11 年Here's a few I thought up : Android : We're not Samsung, but we're close. Chipotle: We don't give you diarrhea. Taco Bell: What's a little diarrhea once in a blue moon? Chase bank: You're money is safe with us..no, for real. Vodka Ciroc: We think you're really stupid and that you're gonna buy our vodka just because we have an ad with P. Diddy and some geezer from Goodfellas in it. U.S. Postal Service: We assume you're OK with your letter arriving 4 days late.
Content Strategist @ Exhibit & TopGear Mag India | Corporate Communications
11 年Twitter- broadcast that you feel so angry about that cup of tea you dropped, half a billion people are dying to know! Kentucky Fried Chicken- Sooooo OIILY! Samsung- plagiarizing technology Burberry- We make you look good all your life, in just about a few million dollars. HDFC Bank (or any bank!)- We are so 'INTERESTED' in providing you with loans! Frito Lay - Continue to pay us all those bucks, we ensure you a continued supply of 'AIR'!
Education Writer, Teacher, Children’s Author
11 年Gatorade - Using the words ''electrolytes and replenish'' together sounds so much more like victory than ''quench your thirst.''
Director of Code Compliance "Florida West Coast" {BCA, CBO, MCP, CEAP, CFM, LEED AP (BD+C)
11 年Esquire had an article that said, as if it were an 11th commandment that an executive male earning $500k required a $7k suit. Followed of course by print ads of said suit. I have always thought of advertising and marketing as the beautiful gift wrapping outside your package/gift. Tiffany's famous color and white ribbon wrap tells you what is inside is quality. Truth be told, you are paying way too much for 925. But, in reality you are buying the experience, the brand and joining the club. Is it a mystery how Go Daddy chose their Nascar Driver? Or why TAG dropped Tiger? Great post. Thanks for sharing.